Gossip hurts everyone

[Molly Pucker]

After a rather painful breakup, almost a month after, actually, I come to find out that rumors and gossip about me have been circulating, and no one has bothered to tell me or ask me if it's true. Additionally, my ex has been complaining about certain health issues I had during our relationship which made intimacy difficult(he's calling me a "constant bleeder") and now I'm feeling betrayed and humiliated, not least because people in my home faire have been hearing about these things and circulating it among themselves, no one telling me. I had to call a friend in tears before I found out about all of this. As a result I have decided to leave the faire. I simply cannot take the viciousness anymore, it's toxic, and it's aggravating my health issues and making them worse through stress. I'm broken-hearted that something I love so much has been turned into something ugly that I don't want to be around anymore, especially because there are still so many things about Faire I love, but the rumor mill is twenty times worse than anything I encountered in High School, and these are supposed to be adults. I'm devastated. Hopefullt someday I'll live in a different state and can become active there. Lesson learned; never get involved romantically with anyone else in the Ren Faire.

[The Doxie with Moxie]

Molly Pucker wrote:


After a rather painful breakup, almost a month after, actually, I come to find out that rumors and gossip about me have been circulating, and no one has bothered to tell me or ask me if it's true.

When a person is hurting and feeling exposed it is very hard to believe that things happen that are not, in someway, connected to the pain they are feeling. There is a very good chance that the reason no one has brought any of this rumour mill to your attention is because they do not consider it worthy of consideration. Perhaps the people you have known through you interactions at this faire discounted the rumours and moved on.

I tend to believe that when grown women (not teens) talk about rumours they have heard that were generated by a man and are at the expense of the woman the man was involved with that the rumours are discounted. The women merely chat in a horrified fascination kind of way about just how low a man is willing to go to try to harm someone about whom the man previously "supposedly" cared.

Perhaps people heard this rumour and did not feel the need to run to you with it and get you all caught up in his fake drama. Grown intelligent men understand there are legitimite health issues for some women that prevent intimacy at times. Grown intelligent women understand about and perhaps have experienced the same issues as you have.

Try to take a step back from all the drama and anxiety. This does not have to be a big deal unless you feel the need to make it so. Just hold your head up and continue to be who you always have been. You have value in your own right and you are not defined by HIS ACTIONS!! You show who you are in your response to his actions, so just let it flow around and away from you. You do not have to stoop to being involved in his madness.

I hope you will be able to find a sense of inner peace when you have worked your way through all this. I think it would be a shame to give up your faire because of his actions. If you think that would ultimately make you happy then give it up, but will it make you happy or is it a knee jerk reaction to your battered feelings?

I'll say a prayer for you,

The Doxie:zen:

[Bonnie Strangeways]

Hunney, it's Bonnie. PM with your phone number, you sound like you need to unload, and I'll be happy to listen and help in any way I can.

[KissMeKate]

Sorry you feel the need to leave Faire, but perhaps over time, it will be a fun place for you again.

I agree with Doxie. The Faire rumor mill can be a viscious thing, if you are willing to be a part of it. But IMO, people who perpetuate nasty rumors like that are either not too bright and not your friend. :mmph: Pettiness is not a pretty feature in a person.

Your true friends don't hurt you that way. The best way to deal with the rumor mill is to ignore it and not pass along information that you hear from those people. Those that didn't pass on the information (to you or anyone else) understand that the rumor mill is just that, rumor. ::bighug::

[Mylilpinkpig]

After a rather painful breakup, almost a month after, actually, I come to find out that rumors and gossip about me have been circulating, and no one has bothered to tell me or ask me if it's true. .

The thing about rumors is that people forget there are two sides to every story and no one ever bothers to ask if the rumor is true or not. People are going to believe what they want. You can't let that keep you from what you love. You know in your heart what is true, your friends know who you are so why let some childish rumors keep you from what you love? Hold your head up high go to the faire and have fun. Not going just lets the rumor mongers win.

[nyghtshayde]

I understand all too well what you are feeling right now, but believe me, it's -really- not as bad as you think. I went through something similar, I swore off the faire I grew up in for ten years before finally having the courage to go back, and find my old friends.

Thank god I did, because shortly after that season, a very dear friend of mine passed away. Had I not spent that time with him, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.

And do you know what I found out? No one cared. None of the people who mattered put any faith into those rumors. It was old news before it began, and it wasnt NEARLY as awful as I had imagined.

Go back to faire, even if it -is- as awful as you are thinking it might be, it will pass over faster than you can blink. And honestly? he's not doing himself any favors, I think the majority of the wenches here would hear something like you are describing, and would be absolutely aghast at his behaviour.

The people who talked about me? They arent worth the time and grief I spent punishing myself. (And you know what? I diddnt even do anything wrong in the first place.)

Hold your head up :) It will get better!!!!!!
:grouphug:

[Pathos]

Lesson learned; never get involved romantically with anyone else in the Ren Faire.
Don't give up on us Faire folk, Hon. There are thousands and thousands of us.

You just had the misfortune to get mixed up with one bad apple. But the tree is pretty big.

[Mistress Lisette]

If faire is something you really love, don't let it go so easily. If there's even one person in faire that you would miss, don't let him/her go so easily either. Square your shoulders, hold your head up high, and believe in your own self worth. Like everybody's already said, to those who really matter these rumors simply won't. I know what you're going through, though, although my experience wasn't at faire. It was at an equally close-knit community--theatre during college (the original drama queens/kings). Rumors can be nasty but only if you give them that power over you. Otherwise, they're just empty words uttered by empty-headed fools.

And, yes, it really does get better, especially when others see that you're beyond such pettiness and drop it.

::hug::
~Lisette

[Savantage]

Don't give up on us Faire folk, Hon. There are thousands and thousands of us.

You just had the misfortune to get mixed up with one bad apple. But the tree is pretty big.
yes don't give up what you love to do because of one bad apple. Just hold your head up and still go. Don't let one rumor stop you,there might have been those who were trying to figure out a nice way of telling you about what was being said before approaching you? not wanting to hurt you or softening the blow maybe they thought that you knew and was admiring that you were seeming brave and he was being childish, but go and see if they still are there for you, remember true friends are there through all times.

[biker]

Molly do this, have someone you know, make up a rumor about you that is totally unbelievable, say like you have a samoan style facial tattoo, and that you gained 150 lbs, that way when they hear the other false ones, they know they are BS>

[daBaroness]

Aw hon - sorry you had to learn the truth about too many faire folk communities - they're not terribly adult and it is just that - a small, rather dysfunctional community. Too many of 'em thrive on gossip and the misfortunes of others. I've seen it for years here at the KC faire. It's like a fargin', badly-written soap opera full of infidelity, gossip, lies, divided loyalties, intrigue, back stabbing and ugliness. I think it's probably near to impossible not to have all of that when a group of people get together - especially those with a penchant for the dramatic and fantasy.

I used to watch with both awe and amazement, then revultion, then acceptance and now complete apathy. My MentalPause cast members and I often joke that we're such enigmas at faire because we're so damned normal. We don't get romantically involved with anyone at faire, we don't really socialize with but a select few outside of faire and we don't get all caught up in OPPs.

Trust me - you may be the main attraction today - but you'll be yesterday's old news sooner than you can imagine - the pack will be on to bigger and nastier rumors. Someone will wrong someone else and they won't even remember you. Faire is just a microcausm of society in general - you mentioned high school - same thing there, but usually in a larger, more diverse community. Faire folk hang together, share common interest and usually one another's bodies with great abandon. I'd like a buck for every hot romance that blooms prior to the opening of faire and crashes and burns by the third week in. Usually taking precedence over the made-up storyline of faire and played out in front of patrons, vendors and cast members alike (as if patrons give a fat rat's ass who's doin' whom this week).

If you leave the faire you love - the gossip mongers just have more to gossip about. You now know who your true friends are and are not. Go - hold your head high - have fun and don't put your business in front of others. Strangely - the Bible contains a lot of wisdom - don't cast your pearls before swine has been for me, one of the most profound.

Living well is the best revenge - so go have a blast and leave the assholes behind in their own little mudpuddle.