So what do you do [Archive] - The Wench.Org Forums

Bonnie

12-19-2002, 04:49 PM

aw, hun....if I knew the answer to that, I'd gladly share.

I have ONE all time great love....never have gotten 'over' him. I've dated others, yes, but when they've ended, I have managed to move on without too much pain.

I've tried everything. I put all momentos in a box and taped it up...leaving it on a high shelf, or under the bed, or in the attic. I stopped frequenting our old haunts. I dated others to dull the memory. I pretended he was dead. I reminded myself of all the things I hated about him. I took up new hobbies. I threw myself into the faire circuits. I forbade him to ever call me again...and he actually listened for about a year. Then one day..."hey Bonnie. Still mad at me??"

Right now, we're friends. Good friends. I love him and always will, but for now, while he's ten states away, it's easy to accept mere friendship.

the best advice I can give you is to live your life for you and yours. Take care of things that YOU need to do, and be selfish. Don't give yourself time to obsess over him. There are always things to learn, do, make, and see. you have good friends...reaffirm those bonds. Let yourself cry and feel pity for yourself...then get mad...then soak in the tub with a book. It's not easy, and nothing really helps except time and distance. ((HUGS)) :hearts:

Bonnie

12-19-2002, 04:52 PM

PS....let go of whatever dreams you may have had with him. If they aren't going to happen, they aren't. Is this your son's daddy we're talking about? If so, then it's even harder, I know.

give it time, that's all I can say, and take care. I'll see you in a couple of months, and we can chat.

Belladonna

12-19-2002, 04:54 PM

No not Reilly's dad. He's an :moon:

I was just curious.....how people dealt with it. It's been so long that I had forgotten. Sad isnt it?

Bonnie

12-19-2002, 05:39 PM

hmph...

well, it's been so long since I was in a healthy relationship, I've forgotten how to do THAT!

:lol:

still...if anyone knows how to cure the pangs of a failed love, I, for one, would really enjoy the knowing.

Til then...I'm in what I call a committedly single frame of mind.

And as for ex's being :moon: 's remind me to tell you all of what mine has done to me recently. Jerk. Jerkasauruas.

Amethyst

12-19-2002, 06:15 PM

To start off, Eat chocolate!! Or chinese food!! Take hot baths. Get a facial, manicure, pedicure or massage. Go shopping and buy a hot new outfit. Basically pamper yourself.

Then keep busy. Catch up with old friends. Make some new friends. Go to the movies. Or out dancing. Take an exercise class. Pretty soon you won't even remember old what's-his-name. Ok, so that last part isn't true, but keeping busy will help distract you from the pain of a breakup.

Cheers!

cyd

12-19-2002, 06:30 PM

Busy busy busy.

One of the best ways I found to distract myself was to go out and do everything I could cram into my schedule (unfortunately my schedule has hardly lightened up since then, and it's been four or five years)... I literally had something to do outside the house every night of the week!

Take the time to do something YOU like, something that pampers you, something that makes you feel great... Because you'll feel so much better about yourself without him, because you feel so much better about YOU! Massages, facials, saunas, or doing all the little hobbies you never had time for while you were going out...

Me, I joined the SCA and beat up on people with big sticks for a while... ;) Hey, it always helps to get the aggression out somehow... :D

Cyd (she of the misplaced sigfile)

Belladonna

12-20-2002, 12:04 AM

Let me clarify...this isnt a break up. I havent been with someone since last year.

There is just someone that I need to get out of my head, and it's driving me crazy. Was wondering what people do to accomplish that.

Tink

12-20-2002, 10:48 AM

For my first serious boyfriend, the split was mutual. It took me a while, but over time I no longer missed him or got pissed off over who he ended up with.

For my most recent serious boyfriend, it was my decision to split up. It was the most difficult thing I ever had to do, because I felt he'd not get by without me. It took a couple months for me to go from guilt to "not my problem."

In the case of all of the men I've dated. I just kept myself occupied. Went out with my friends, picked up a hobby, threw myself into school, what-have-you.

Times is the true key though and I guess the length of time is based on the length and/or intensity of each relationship...

Leela

12-22-2002, 08:50 AM

Sounds like you need to know exactly WHY this tie is so strong. Yes?

Write out everything. Sometimes it's hard to get started, especially if you can't quite identify what the problem is. Just write ANYTHING. related or not. Write words describing your situation. Forget about grammar and punctuation and spelling and penmenship. Get it out. Feel bad. Cry and scream if you want. Figure out what YOU want out of this relationship, why, and whether it's worth it to continue being as you are.

But whatever it is, don't try to go around it. Go through it. Come out the other side stronger and more yourself.

Chocolate never hurts, either. :wink:
Good luck,

lauradake

12-23-2002, 03:03 PM

Well... I won't say that I have any super-awesome advice--because I'm just now in the very, very beginning stages of seperation from my husband.

There was no major "thing" that prompted it--we just aren't right for each other. Unfortunately, it took us 7 years to figure that out.

I'm planning on making myself way too chummy with all of my friends, doing all the stuff that *I* want to do, making tons of garb, etc. Hopefully it will be enough. What I've found so far is that the days are ok--it's the nights that suck.

As for beating people with sticks... I practice Aikido, so we get to beat people with our fists and throw them on the ground.... *and* play with sticks. Ya just can't beat that. :)

Busy busy busy.

Take the time to do something YOU like, something that pampers you, something that makes you feel great... Because you'll feel so much better about yourself without him, because you feel so much better about YOU! Massages, facials, saunas, or doing all the little hobbies you never had time for while you were going out...

Me, I joined the SCA and beat up on people with big sticks for a while... ;) Hey, it always helps to get the aggression out somehow... :D

Cyd (she of the misplaced sigfile)

Pamela, Strawberry Tart

12-25-2002, 08:30 PM

*hugs*

I think Cyd said it best. Keep busy, start doing things for yourself. Pampering, take a class, do what it takes to keep yourself happy. Do something every week on a set time, so you have something to look forward to (this is how I started dance classes.)

Time helps, and if you can figure out why you can't get him out of your head, that will help a lot.

Until then...
:grouphug:

daBaroness

12-27-2002, 10:37 AM

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. A veteran of many a love lost I've come to believe in some ways it's worse than someone dying ... when someone dies, you have the comfort of knowing the love you shared with that person is still very much alive. When a relationship dies, the big question is, "why did the love die?" and all the little other nagging, irritating, infuriating, heartbreaking questions that naturally go with that.

I have been dumped in some heartbreaking and pretty unbelievable ways (one guy told me his aunt died and left for Maryland for the funeral ... I never heard from him again; my high school sweetheart and former fiance finally revealed his true desire to be a woman - I'm now friends with Anne, but still mourn the loss of Craig). I've also been the dumper - when I finally realized as long as I was convenient, why should he make a decision or time for me? No matter the situation, it always hurts and it always seems like you'll never heal.

First - for me - is to realize all the negative feelings I'm having are not the issue. I believe there are only two core emotions - love and fear. And the anger, hurt, etc., are really just expressions of the underlying fear ... for me that fear is "what if I'm not good enough, what if I'm not lovable ... by anyone; what if I'm ALWAYS going to be alone?????!!!!!

I've found once I face the most frightening questions, I can begin to heal. Those questions come from the heart ... and must be answered by the head ... I know I'm good enough. I'm a damned fine woman with so much to offer - the fact this relationship failed just means the "right" one is still to come - how could I enjoy the right one if I'm involved in the wrong one? Of course I'm lovable - I have the most awesome friends, children, and family anyone could have. Again, this person did love me, but something just didn't fit - and does it really matter what it was? No, because there is a better fit out there for me. Finally, I don't believe I'm always going to be alone ... but right now in my life it's all in the way I look at it.

Maybe I'm not ready for my match - maybe I need to do more work with/on myself to become that whole person who will attract that other whole person. Course right now I'm actively NOT looking ... I'm focusing on getting my oldest son out of high school (pray for me :haloslip: ) and my younger son either out of high school or at least more receptive to sharing my attention.

I'm also having a pretty good time being single ... maybe the dimished sex-drive side effect of my anti-depressants helps ... but I'm actually having more fun with several very close friends, my kids, and myself than I ever have before. Faire is my passion - as is costuming, and I find little time to feel lonely for the company of a man. As a result, I've become far more choosy about men - which I think it a good thing. Nothing diminishes the odds of failure better than wise choices. It's such a relief to not feel the need to have a man in my life to validate myself and yanno goils, I think the kind of men we as wenches are attracted to are more attracted to strong, independent, fun-loving, self-fulfilling women.

So - long story, but here's the bottom line - allow yourself to grieve. Face your fears over losing *this* relationship and use your head to guide you to making a better choice, using what you've learned, the next time 'round. In the meanwhile, develop yourself, find your passion and grow it, cultivate a few close friendships with women and pamper yourselves together. Watch chick flicks - or football - whatever floats your dingy. Make a list of what you really want in a partner and make a list of what within you will attract that person - and continue to refine both. Journal or write your own stories. And when you think you might just have to call him to see if things might work out - be strong - remember why things didn't work and know you deserve more.

Above all, remember you're in the company of spectacular women who love and support you.

da Baroness

Lady Gaea

12-27-2002, 12:09 PM

Well, now I'm sitting at my desk at work trying to eat my lunch and blubbering and sniffling. I'm glad I'm in a corner where no one can see me.

Baroness - you are one smart cookie, and I send you uber-cyber-hugs.

Heather

Belladonna

12-27-2002, 02:05 PM

let me reiterate...

THIS WAS NOT A RELATIONSHIP!

Just someone I was interested in, who is no longer interested the same, but for some reason will NOT get out of my head!

Wench Shaelyn

12-27-2002, 08:13 PM

Chocolate, always helps me when I'm upset. Otherwise I'd say don't beat yourself up over it. Go out and really enjoy life, I found that got me out of the depression of my Ex leaving me.

My two cents! :rescue:

lauradake

12-28-2002, 03:30 PM

I'm also having a pretty good time being single ... maybe the dimished sex-drive side effect of my anti-depressants helps ... but I'm actually having more fun with several very close friends, my kids, and myself than I ever have before.
da Baroness

*major nippage*

Wow. Thanks so much for sharing all that with us... it's nice to know that you *can* come out of this.

As for the sex.... for those of us who are nearly almost single again, but still have a bit of a sex drive... there's always "Mr. Oster". (My best friend's nickname for my plug-in... er... massager. Yeah. That's it. My muscles really hurt from hunching over the sewing machine all day. Yep. That's my story, I'm stickin' to it. *grin*) :aok:

Alewyn of Aventinus

12-28-2002, 06:29 PM

Laura re: the pending split with hubbie, :grouphug: from one of your fellow 96'ers. Hope it doesn't get too awful for you. If you need any away, I always have room for a guest here in Charlotte. The cats will be very intrigued by anything that goes bzzz in the night.

Chin up Sweetie!

Alewyn of Aventinus
IWG 1979 Local 96
a.k.a. Laura in Charlotte
Vielumworben Braufrau
Stealer of souls & hearts

P.S. Love your avatar!

lauradake

12-28-2002, 07:14 PM

Alewyn--

*smile* Thank you for the offer. Things are actually going quite well--both my husbnad and I are relieved that we're seperating... it's a good decision for us both. We're going to remain friends, and so far it's been amiable.

I have an application in for an apartment over in Raleigh--I should know on Monday. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

NC wenches are the best!

-Laura

AllieSutherland

12-29-2002, 12:28 AM

For me, a "stomp on the rose coloured glasses until they're shards" party helps. For me, it was done with a group of friends who also knew the object of my affections (fiancee #3), but it can also be done alone.

No one is perfect, and yes, it is hard to do, but however petty and rotten it is, it DOES help to bitch about/bring to light/finally admit shortcomings, neuroses, and just all-around faults of this person.

Granted, it didn't make me "hate" him, but it was a funeral, of sorts, for him being in my life. My gf's and I had a "funeral" in which I brought out every crappy gift he ever gave me (a back brace, factory reconditioned VCR which never worked, really UGLY lingerie, HIS running trophies and medals?!?) and made fun of them all... and burned them. Wickedly fun and satisfying. It also helped when we had a "Back to Bachelorette" party... boy, was THAT fun. :lol: :lol:

If it wasn't a relationship, maybe you can alter this to your situation... things about him that aren't so great, or my favorite... diverting my thoughts to another piece of man-candy of the hour.

Time does heal and ease memories. Above all, remember... you deserve only the BEST, and yes... the best for you is out there.

XOXOXOXOX

Tink

12-30-2002, 02:07 AM

let me reiterate...

THIS WAS NOT A RELATIONSHIP!

Just someone I was interested in, who is no longer interested the same, but for some reason will NOT get out of my head!

Sorry....I guess we all went off on a "how to deal with the end of a relationship tangent"

I am currently dealing with a situation where I like a guy, who now from what i can tell is content on us just being friends....no true reason given (ain't that *always* the way...). I don't know if you're in the same boat as me in that he still wants to be friends...he calls me, IM's me, etc. So kinda hard to not have him in my head, as I guess I am hoping that with time, he may come around.....HOWEVER, I also look at it as perhaps in time, I will no longer want him to be more than my friend.

So I guess my message is still the same.....TIME is what it takes.

My guess is this guy is still in your head, because you are wondering about what could have been, had he not shifted into reverse? And also pondering why he suddenly decided he no longer wanted the same? (I know that's what I often ponder in regards to my situation....You know, all the "gee, if he liked me, was attracted to me...what changed that? And if he still keeps in contact, what does that mean? And if we are still talking and getting along, why the hell is a romantic connection no longer in his scope of possibilities for us?" Uck....I'll drive myself mad I tell you!!)

All I can say is...I feel your pain. lol

emalia

12-30-2002, 08:11 AM

Tink nailed it on the proverbial head...

PirateKisses

12-30-2002, 10:00 AM

Do what I used to do. I'd break out all my favourite old MTV vids that I clipped together the best parts. For some reason watching Rudy Sarzo lick the nexk of his bass and Kip Winger in that really incredibly tight spandex pretty much makes me forget whoever it was that I was interested in. Oh yeah, did I mention that I also watch the part of Lethal Weapon where Mel gets up naked and walks to the bathroom? :bananada: Between Mel and the boys with the long hair, tight pants and no morals, I'm totally fogetting any crush that I could have had.

PK
who really needs to find that old vid just for old times sake!

Belladonna

12-30-2002, 11:46 AM

Tink...that's pretty much it....

the i just dont really feel that way anymore...cant explain it..but it's nothing you said or did scenario..

Well i would think the getting pregnant part probably had something to do with it though he wont fess up.....

time.....my enemy :augh:

Tink

12-30-2002, 06:39 PM

Can I just take this opportunity to shout a resounding:

MEN ARE *SUCH* MORONS!!!!!!!! :x

I mean seriously, how often does this scenario come up for us women? Why do the men feel they do not owe us a legitimate explaination for their sudden lack of amourous feelings?

I'm sure they'd say it's because they want to spare us any further hurt.

The following to be read in your best sarcastic tone:

Dumping us is afterall, hurt enough...they want to suddenly be galant and spare us the details that might make us even more upset, confused, etc.

Well ya know what ladies? I say it is ALL CRAP!!!

I DO want to know why we went from talking about a future together to him signing my Christmas card "Your friend always". I do want to know why when we met the fact that we lived over 2000 miles apart didn't deter him from pursuing me, but after nearly 4 months, suddenly distance is his excuse for why things may not go further.

Uck....2003....may it be the year of HONEST men.

Sorry for the tangent....now back to our regularly scheduled programming. (Oh joy....)

Belladonna

12-31-2002, 10:41 AM

:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:

:singdanc: :singdanc: :singdanc: :singdanc: :singdanc:
ROFL!

Tink has been quoted as typing:

Uck....2003....may it be the year of HONEST men.

If I we us, I wouldnt hold my breath though. I would think it would be a VERY long year!

Though I do have to say that you are correct...this does seem to happen more often then not. I mean, c'mon. I can usually tell the person why I no longer have those feeling for them should my feelings ever change, and they usually just dont change over night.

And that whole "it wasnt' anything you said and/or did" line is a load of CRAP! It obviously WAS something I said and/or did or else your feelings wouldnt have changed so damned quickly!

My mom attributes it to that pesky little 'Y' chromosome thingy that they have. It's the reason for all of the things that the opposite sex does that we cant understand. :? :evil: :x

Bonnie

12-31-2002, 10:49 AM

The sad thing is that even when men intend to be honest, and really do mean to say what they mean, those same pesky Y's always seem to screw the message up.

It's hardwired in their brains...they really can't communicate on a level WE can understand. It may seem perfectly clear to them, but to us? GAH!

Alianne

12-31-2002, 11:38 AM

Belladonna -

PMFJI, but am I correct in inferring that you say you didn't have a relationship with this man....but you think he's the father of your child?

Am I reading this right?

Belladonna

12-31-2002, 12:32 PM

Relationship..other then being 'friends with benefits'...no relationship....

There was a point in time where that could have been a possibility...but we're pretty certain now that I was already prego when this all happened....So yeah I guess....in a way you were reading that correctly...

:roll: :? :oooh:

Gods I am so dead....

Alianne

12-31-2002, 05:37 PM

Relationship..other then being 'friends with benefits'...no relationship.....

I guess our definition of 'relationship' differs vastly, then. If I were sleeping with someone, even if they were an FTF (Friends That F*ck), to me, that's a relationship. That's *really* a relationship. :|

Maybe part of the problem is that you're trying to deny there was a relationship there at all. Hell, even if you were just friends (without the other F), you'd still have a relationship with that person, know what I mean?

It might be easier to move through this and past it if you were to acknowledge that there was *some* sort of relationship with this man, put it in it's cubicle of memory, rant at it, grieve over it.....try to find out for certain if he is the father (IMHO, a lot of your cognative dissonance over this will diminish if you find out for certain, especially if he's not).....

And if you do learn that he's the father, acknowledge that for the rest of your life, you're going to have some kind of relationship with this man *because* you share a child.

My 2 p, FWIW

Tempest_Gypsy

01-01-2003, 04:03 AM

hmph...

well, it's been so long since I was in a healthy relationship, I've forgotten how to do THAT!

:lol:

I don't think I've EVER been in a healthy relationship. At least not one that was healthy on both sides of the relationship

anyway, I find that getting really mad helps. for whatever reason. The final thought usually ends up something like "What a moron! He passed up me? then he doesn't deserve me anyway!" You come out of it felling better about yourself, too.

Tempest_Gypsy

01-01-2003, 04:07 AM

Alewyn--

I have an application in for an apartment over in Raleigh--I should know on Monday. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

NC wenches are the best!

-Laura

Raleigh is very nice, good luck on getting a good apartment! YAY for the NC wenches!!!

Tink

01-01-2003, 10:47 PM

RANT/TANGENT AGAIN...LOL

You know I'm sitting at home watching this ridiculous recap with the guy from the second season of the show "The Bachelor" and it gives such classic examples of a moronic male behavior.

He is commenting on a date he went on with this one woman where he claimed to be really uncomfortable by her because she was very aggressive and he wasn't attracted to her. YET....he sure sucked face with her plenty, hit the hot tub and snuggled with her in it....So why in the hell is he not able to comprehend why this woman seemed to think he was interested and looking to score? I mean logic would dictate that if he isn't attracted to her, he wouldn't kiss her at all. If he kissed he, just to placate her and not make the evening become uncomfortable, would it not have been easier to just end the evening early?

I guess men are just able to get that close and intimate without it meaning anything at all to them. Why they have not evolved enough to realize that women are not able to do that, boggles my mind. This is why we end up getting labled psychos or why they accuse of of being too pushy.

On a different date he tells another woman that he has feelings and is thinking of things, but doesn't want to tell her about any of it so this way if things end up changing, he doesn't want her to accuse him of being a liar. What kind of logic is that? I mean if you have feelings for the woman, tell her.....if later something happens to change those feelings, TELL HER they changed and why. I mean what a lame candy-ass "safe" approach which benefits no one but him. Ridiculous.

When I broke up with my ex of 3 years, I told him that my feelings changed and why they had. Was it difficult? Absolutely. However, I was honest with him, which is what he deserved. So while it may have hurt him, at least he isn't left wondering why I walked away or being left with the idea that maybe we'd get back together.

As for why men can't do this....

Maybe it *is* the Y chromosome....Seems appropriate....Y as in WHY?!

Why do they act that way, Why do they fuck with our heads, etc...

Here endeth my rant (for today anyway....)

emalia

01-02-2003, 07:51 AM

Steps up to :rant:

I don't know.. I really don't.. I was appalled by the new show that Fox is producing with the one "poor dude" and making him appear rich. "Can love stand the test of a lie? HELL NO!!! If I were the one that ended up with him at the end of the show, I would not be there for long!!! YOU CANNOT have a relationship of any kind based upon lies in my opinion. I would rather him be a poor ass dude linin in the hood, than lie about it to me on NATIONAL TV and come out smelling like a G-Damned Rose!!! And people wonder why we cannot have healthy relationships anymore, why there are so many divorces, it is because of shows like this.. They tell people that it is OK to lie to someone you are interested in.. As for the chicks on the show, they are just a bunch of gold diggers anyway! WOW.. Did I go off on the soap box. End :rant:

Tink

01-02-2003, 09:13 AM

Emalia....

What I wonder is what kind of release did Fox make these chicks sign that will prevent them from turning around and suing them?

As for the women, I think they are all out for the money anyway, so I think this serves them right. If any of them were truly in it for love, then they wouldn't care when they found out he was a pauper.....

PS...Does anyone think the guy they're using is attractive? Ick he looks like a bad Ken doll. :P

emalia

01-02-2003, 09:27 AM

I think that they just went for the Teenage idea of good looking. I mean he is alright, but I think that he is more suited for Teen Beat Dude of the week, or Tiger Beat guy of the year.

Aryiana

01-02-2003, 09:33 AM

Altho the original intent of this thread has taken a bit of a turn, to simply add my 2 pence...

Keep in mind, you are a WENCH.... Woman Entitled to NOTHING but COMPLETE Happiness.

If he is not hanging around - he isn't worth YOUR time and effort - you deserve better!!

This thought got me through my husband walking out Oct. 2001, (I remember standing my by car getting ready to drive back from Ground Zero and doin the pep-talk to myself) and even since then, when that stupid Y chromosome starts showing up, I keep in mind I deserve better, will not settle for any less than complete happiness, AND that men are, in general, surplus (as in more fish in the sea).

(Have no clue if my sig works...)

---,---`----<@ Aryiana

daBaroness

01-02-2003, 09:53 AM

I think it's OK the thread has taken some turns - life does, too, and it's great to see us talking about things meaningful to us - or just ranting. My two pence about reality shows ... yeah, talk about misnomers.

What's "real" about setting some guy who already has money, looks, and connections to meet "Ms. Right" on a TV show with 25 hand-picked lovelies willing to sell their souls, dignity, and whatever else for a chance to be chosen by this network-designated Adonis? Puh-leeze ... I can't even stomach the thought. And it amazes me how middle-aged women can speak of nothing else - even me own mother ... gag.

I have to wonder about the caliber of women who would appear on a show like this ... course I can't stand shows like "Eliminadate" either. It's generally whatever girl can be the biggest on-camera slut who wins the date with some jerk-off loser. And don't let me get started on how I feel about women fighting with each other about who's got the perkiest, biggest boobs or tightest ass to the sheer joy of the jerk-off in question.

I actually might watch "Joe Millionaire," however, because I like the sick twist of setting these gold-digging bimbos up with a $19,000 a year construction worker on the sly. I gotta wonder what a putz this guy is, most construction workers I know make far more than $19 Gs a year! I hope the guy gets into all the panties he wants and are exposed for the shallow biatches they must be. :twisted: Yeah, I'm one, too. :D

As for men being me ... geeze - how long is it going to take the female of the species to realize it's just coded into their genes to be dogs when presented with a big, meaty bone. I kinda find it reassuring to know men are pretty darned consistent in this manner ... and astounding that we women seem so baffled and disgusted by it.

OK - it was five pence ...

da Baroness

Bonnie

01-02-2003, 12:14 PM

weel, I'm of two minds about the Joe Millionaire gig..

one the one hand, I'm a single mom, who has DONE the dating of the losers because I thought they were 'nice', only to wind up supporting them almost in totality. I'm not a gold digger....man, I sometimes wish I WAS, cause the stuff I've turned down over the years..... :powpow:

So, for me, to start dating someone I *thought* was well off, able to care for himself AND hey! me, too...and then to find out that he was yet again another of the dudes I'd run into in the past....uneducated, needing me to support him and most of all... LYING to me... that would hardly be what *I* deserved.

For me, it would be like thinking I'd fallen into a fairy tale, only to wind up in another heartbreak.

Also, these girls don't know. He does. They are on uneven ground, and anyone in their position would wind up feeling like they were the butt of a colossal joke. It won't matter whether they really liked him or not...resentment will take over, and should. If I KNOW someone is poor, but really cared about him, and knew he wouldn't ever lie to me, take advantage of me and my good nature, if we had mutual goals and drives...mutual interests.... then money is of no issue. However, I could love someone with all my heart, and then find out he'd been lying to me on this scale, and it would kill me. This is a sick joke. I won't be watching it.

Of course, there is also the aspect that these nits are going on a game show to find a man. This is just weird. This whole reality tv thing is so far over the edge. Its disgusting. To all those that really enjoy these shows: Get a LIFE!

Tempest_Gypsy

01-02-2003, 12:53 PM

Altho the original intent of this thread has taken a bit of a turn, to simply add my 2 pence...

Keep in mind, you are a WENCH.... Woman Entitled to NOTHING but COMPLETE Happiness.

If he is not hanging around - he isn't worth YOUR time and effort - you deserve better!!

<snip>

I keep in mind I deserve better, will not settle for any less than complete happiness, AND that men are, in general, surplus (as in more fish in the sea).

Damn straight, Women Entitled to Nothing but Complete Happiness!!! Hehehe, I'm really starting to live by that. Seriously, there's a reason besides shocking anyone who comes into my room that I keep my Guild Certificate on the wall next to my bed.

Every time I'm feeling down I end up glancing at it my train of thought ends up going something like this..."God's life sucks, people suck...Hey, wait a minute. I'm a Wench! I'm part of the coolest group of sexy, strong, smart and loving women in the entire world! I don't have to put up with this shite, its not worth my time! Fook (insert whatever has me feeling upset)" Then I usually go over to the mirror throw my shoulders back, stick out my chest and giggle at my own good fortune until I feel better.

So I guess, to get somewhere back on track with this thread, the best way to get over someone is to remember that you deserve better. People deserve to get what they want. If someone wants to pass you up, they deserve to miss out on your wonder and strength. So, fook the fooking fookers!
:aroooo: <------I am wenchy, hear me roar!!!

PirateKisses

01-02-2003, 02:30 PM

Bean

01-02-2003, 03:09 PM

I couldn't agree with PK more!! When you go looking for love, you usually "make" it happen instead of letting it happen. I have started seeing someone who makes me laugh, doesn't take any of my crap, in fact he dishes right back to me, makes me feel all goofy inside, and although he is loathe to admit it, there is a gentleman lurking down inside. He isn't all grabby like some men can be when women are well endowed, although I know he appreciates the curves!!

I always thought I wanted a man who was on the move doing exciting things. All I know is that right now I am completely content to sit on the couch, watch football, and have a beer with this man. He loves and spends alot of time with his son even though they don't live in the same house, so I know that he is capable of caring for someone else. I can only hope that things work out and we are together for a long time.

I definately was attracted to him right off, and it was almost 2 years before we actually did anything socially together. He is a customer of my bank, so I had to walk a line there, but now I am in a different branch so it's not as touchy.

So for all you guys that are waiting for someone special, hang in there! My last relationship was over 10 years ago and I had to kiss alot of frogs on the way, but you never know......

Betsy
optomistically taking this day by day

cyd

01-02-2003, 06:23 PM

I had always thought that it was absolute crap about love finding you when you weren't looking for it. I figured how would it know I wanted it if I weren't looking? Well, I found out in late September/early October. Here I thought I wanted some great big John Goodmanesque kinda guy who would make me feel a little dainty and I got thrown together with this shorter than me arty photographer who just rocks my world.

So I guess what I'm saying is that it's all out there, we may just be finding a crapload of red-herrings until the real thing comes along. I so never pictured myself with a 45 yr photographer who's 4 inches shorter than I am, but hey, there I am, all 5'8", size 26 of me. All those guys who broke my heart or never called back or let me get away, THANK YOU! I not only learned valuable lessons from each and everyone of you as to what NOT to do in a relationship, I also learned a lot about myself. So while yes, most of you were major jerks, especially the sperm donor who dumped me and his new daughter for a 21 yr old bimbo, you helped me define who I was. You helped me become the woman I am today. So for that much, I tip my hat to you. And to the few who occasionally attempt to pop back into my life: Bugger off, sod off and get bent!

PK
who is absolutely deliriously in love...or perhaps she's just plain old delirious!

OH yeah, regarding those incredibly insipid females who go on those shows to hook up with men: How pathetic are they? Get some self-esteem and stop looking. When it's right, it finds you.

THANK YOU!!!

You know, I finally found my hubby when I just gave up and stopped looking. I spent so many years looking for love that I forgot that what makes the best love is just when they fall in love with you being you. ;)

My last boyfriend was the best mistake I ever made. Because when he broke up with me, I finally realized for myself that I had to be ME and nobody else, and let love find me, not the other way around. However, the last time I made that statment on a public forum, it turned out that the arse was still keeping tabs on my every move, and sent me email back saying that I couldn't live without him! :?: :!: :?: :!: :?: Talk about delusional! I think that email damn near guaranteed that his breaking up with me was the best thing that ever happened to me... And I wouldn't be the self-confident woman I am now without that. :)

I love my hubby... and as of yesterday, we've been married a year. :singdanc:

Cyd (the perpetually on the search for a sig)

PS you would not catch me dead on one of those shows even before Joe found me... But damn, there's got to be a REAL ego issue in there somewhere if you have to go on national TV just so you can be "eliminated" publically.

PPS I've found I can be perfectly content to snuggle on the couch in front of the TV watching Ranma 1/2, I don't have to run all over the world to be happy... Although going to Scotland now and again helps. ;)

PPPS Tink? The guys who don't really like the girl but will still suck face with her and snuggle in the hot tub? It's called using the other brain. They say men will give love for sex, and women will give sex for love. It's a shame that there are many guys out there for whom the second brain rules... And I'm so glad mine wasn't one of them.

Tink

01-02-2003, 08:43 PM

They say men will give love for sex, and women will give sex for love.

Cyd...I've never heard that before, but wow...it does seem to fit.

Although I think for women, it's that we give sex because we think we've found love or at least the makings for it....

PirateKisses

01-02-2003, 09:52 PM

Cyd -

It's absolutely amazing at how things just happen when you let them, isn't it? Congratulations on being married for a year! May it be the first of many, many more!

I thought I would add that I was so not what Henry was looking for. He thought he'd find some cute, little red-haired thing about 25, 5' and 98lbs. Well, he got the cute part and the red-haired part right. He said he knew I was the one when I smiled at him and just about knocked his socks off. So it's proof that opposites absolutely do attract. He also said that I was the most confident woman that he had ever met. I'm comfortable with my body, with my sexuality and with who I am inside and out. So between the smile, the confidence and the almighty red hair and blue eyes combo, he was a goner!

I knew he was the one when not even a week after we started dating I went into the hospital for what turned out to be thyroid cancer. He was there every single day to sit and hold my hand, to gently caress my cheek, to tell me how beautiful I was. He would stay until visiting hours were over, sometimes just watching me sleep. That was when he won my immediate family over as well. I looked like I had not only been dragged through a knothole backwards but like I was Nearly Headless Nick's long lost sister, Nearly Headless Nicolette.

So yeah, I am now a huge proponent of the whole Roadie philosophy (no not the duct tape makes the world go 'round) : Everything works out if you let it.

PK
still pretty flippin' happy!

Belladonna

01-02-2003, 11:36 PM

I've never went looking for love, love always found me. I am happy to admit that I was in love once, still am though the two of us determined after seven years together that we were best of friends, and to this day remain the closest of them. I can tell him things he wont take from anyone else, and he is my little boys godfather, and the closest thing that Reilly currently has to an 'actual' father.

But I've never been in a relationship where I went looking for it. And I would never be on one of those relationship type reality shows. Some of the other ones I might be able to be talked into...but not one where I'm going to potentially end up with someone. That needs to be done on it's own.

Ah true love, to have had you and lost you...only to wait for you again....

Course....I have the patience of a house fly...and the fly's life span is longer.... :roll:

Danicia de Lontra

01-06-2003, 09:36 AM

Although I think for women, it's that we give sex because we think we've found love or at least the makings for it....

Really? It boils down to that GENERALLY...men do not equate sex with love. Sex is sex and love is..well...scary.

Most men *can* easily get off with a woman they're not attracted to, because it's Just Sex. Sex does not equal relationship.

Women, for the most part, tend to link sex and relationship together. LIke you can't have one without the other. Many woman cannot imagine why a man can love them deeply but yet shag other women.

There are exceptions to everything in my statement, but for most men that are *not* secure and don't *know* any other way, it's simple.

Sex and love having nothing to do with each other.

It constantly amazes me what women put up with from men. Why we allow ourselves to be driven by marketing and media.

They say it's easier for a woman to get laid than a man. I believe this to be true. If a woman walks into a situation and says to the room 'I want to get laid!", you can be sure that she'll get many offers, even if the woman is not attractive to them. After all, it's FREE no attachment Sex!!!

A man walks into the same situation....says the same thing...*bam* he's shot down. He's not getting any at all. on the other hand, he's gonna keep doing it because eventually someone might say yes. After all, what's he got to lose? He's not already getting no strings sex and if someone says yes, it's like xmas. *grin*

I also agree with whomever (PK I think?) who said they ended up with the person they did not expect? I want Trent Reznor and instead I ended up with the most WONDERFUL man. he doesn't dance, can't hold a tune, hates my favorite band, is a furry scottish redhead and I love him. *grin*