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daBaroness
02-05-2003, 01:37 PM
OK - I'm bored and depressed, so I feel the need to stir things up.

So ... share the details (spicy, gorey, humorous, romantic, or otherwise) of your first time ... the day, or night you lost your virginity. Was it terribly romantic or just terrible? Was is on a bed of rose petals, or the backseat of a '76 Gremlin? Was it with Mr./Ms. right, wrong, or in-between? Share as much or as little as you like without getting yourself or the entire guild in hot water . :oops:

Try to answer the following: Who (you can leave out last names, or come up with a nom d'amour); What (well, we sorta know that one already; When; Where; and Why (different reasons for different seasons). You can also include your age at the time if you like.

Mine:

Who: My long-time high school sweetheart and long-distance boyfriend Craig ... who's now a woman named Anne (but that's another story). We met the summer before my sophomore year at a Kiwanis Chicken BBQ put on by my grandfather's club. Craig's mom worked for my grandfather and to this day I don't know if grandpa purposely matched us up working at the BBQ or whether it was dumb luck. Anyway, from the moment we met it was like we were glued together. We spent endless hours on the phone because he lived about 45 miles away, and we lived for the times his dad would bring him over for a few hours on a Saturday or my family went to Ypsilanti (Michigan) to visit my grandparents. My family moved to Minneapolis, MN in December of my sophomore year, so Craig and I carried on a heart-wrenching long-distance relationship all through high school. (Can we say stupid?)

What: Who had a clue - we were both virgins?!

When: Christmas Day, 1973 at about 1 p.m. Hey - it was a religious experience!

Where: The home of Craig's parents ... specifically in the basement bedroom of his younger brother (no wonder he turned out badly) in Ypsilanti, Michigan. His parents and siblings had gone to his grandmother's out in the country for Christmas dinner. My family was back in Michigan for the holidays and I'd gotten them to agree to let me spend the holiday with his family. We came up with some story about going to visit someone before we went to his grandmother's so we could have some alone time. What I remember most is their family dog barking incessantly and me being terrified we'd get busted. I kept jumping off the bed when the dog barked making for a truly romantic interlude.

I also remember thinking "is this what all the hoopla is about ... sheesh, what a let down." And later, at his grandmother's, when I went to the bathroom and realized the law of biology and physics applied, I was really grossed out and convinced I'd never do THAT again.

WHY: I was in luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv and completely convinced I was going to marry him.

Learning Curve: If you're a virgin ... don't do it with another virgin ... someone needs to know what they're doing ... don't do it in the basement bedroom of a sibling ... and don't underestimate the effect finding out the person you had your first experience with might change genders 27 years later can have on your psyche!

Finally - I think I'm living proof you can regain your virginity through non-use. I'm looking forward to a first-time reprise when and if I find the right guy and this time I'm going for the full romantic fantasy. :hearts: :bath: :aok: :birthday: :lovelett: :cheer:

daBaroness

jmthane
02-05-2003, 02:02 PM
Oh, there's definitely born-again virgins. Just wait 'til I have my surgery... :wink:

Mairi the Herbwench
02-05-2003, 02:07 PM
Who: Skip, a guy I met at the theatre and had been dating (and who intoduced me to my husband of almost 20 years and got us back together 3 times until it took - 'nother story)

What: Hmmm - he wasn't, I was - technically - had done everything except The Big One, and I'd done a LOT ofreading

Where: A grassy field - the grass was over our heads when we were laying down, so all we saw was the blue sky, the grass, and each other

When: Summer - I called in sick to work (I was 17, working a summer job) a beautiful day, not too hot or buggy

Why: Why not? I was ready, he was ready, we're still good friends (he's still a guy,) and it was fun.

Finished the day in my sister's basement - I was living with her at the time and she didn't care (both parents dead by then) and it still as good as the first time. Got a mild sunburn that was interesting to explain - hard to get it on the inside of thighs without getting it anywhere else. I'd do it again!

Tink
02-05-2003, 02:19 PM
Okay...I'll bite:

First time was when I was 18 with my first serious boyfriend.

It was at a mutual friend's house who he was house-sitting for Easter week.

He didn't set it up to be at all romantic...what does an 18 year old, horny male know of romance anyway, I suppose..

We watched Strange Brew (yes, that's right that Rick Moranis love of beer Canadian comic extravaganza of a film....) At the end he said he was tired and was going to bed....was I coming with him? (Smooth...I know...)

We went upstairs to our friends bedroom and did it. It hurt like HELL. He later described it as banging "it" into a brick wall. :lol: I may have been willing, but my body wasn't and it clenched EVERY muscle in an effort to thwart the inevitable....

I did it because I loved him, not because I was ready. HUGE mistake, because I think had I waited until I was ready, it would have been a better experience. We did date for 4 years after and the sex did get good. So all's well that ends well.

Funny leading up to the deed. We had had this all night talk about doing it a few weeks prior and I was set on waiting until I got married. He said he was used to dating girls who did or something like that and basically said he wasn't waiting for me. He left around 7am and unknown to me at the time, drove straight to another mutual friend's house who we had met through and cried his eyes out about how he had just blown it with me. He decided he loved me too much to lose me over it so he'd deal with no sex.

I seperately had discussed it with a couple friends and decided that I loved him and not doing it wasn't worth losing him over.

Needless to say, when he found out that I had decided to do it, he was surprised and thrilled. Pity it sucked....

Belladonna
02-05-2003, 03:01 PM
Who: My first 'real' boyfriend Eric. Though I should have waited for my first love.

Where: My bedroom. Middle of the afternoon after school.

When: Gods, I cant remember the date, I have it written in my journal at the time, which is currently packed away.

Why: Cause I did love him, but not really enough. Cause I felt like I was ready and I was, though I honestly should have waited a little longer to have the experience that I wanted.

I dated Eric as a rebound from Scott. We ended up lasting two years off and on. Ysobelle can remember I'm sure. I did love him to a degree, but Scott was my first true love, and we ended up getting together a couple of years later. Looking back I should have waited for him. We had been playing around for a while, and things just led that way. (Seems that happens with EVERY guy I've ever been with)

It wasnt the experience that I wanted, the whole rose petals, candle light dinner, etc. But it also made me realize I'll probably never have that.

Tempest_Gypsy
02-05-2003, 09:32 PM
Who: My ex-fiance', thought we weren't engaged at that point. We are, obviously, no longer together.

What: Um, duh. We were both virigins, though, and I totally agree with the baronees because it sucked.

When: I was seventeen and a freshman in college, he was 18 and a freshman in college.

Where: My dorm room. Spring semester, I somehow had my own room.

Why: I thought I was in love, I was horny, he was male, so of course he wanted to.

Wish I hadn't done it with him, after three years I ound out he was a total ass-wipe. He wasn't happy after the first two months of our relationship and were were together fomr soemthing like five before we had sex and three years before he decided to dump me. Hung around basically because I paid the bills. Dumb boys.

Magdalene
02-05-2003, 10:55 PM
Who: Larry, a man I was stationed with in Panama.

Where: Oh, kinda answered that--his room in the barracks. (He lucked out, he had his own, no roommates to suddenly walk in.)

When: I don't remember the exact date, but sometime between Operation Just Cause and my 20th birthday (I actually think right before it.)

What: *sigh* Unfortunately....it *really* sucked for me. Larry was sweet, gentle, and very comforting, but something was very, very, wrong. After several very bad attempts, Larry convinced me I should go see an OB/GYN. It was the right thing to do--turned out my hymen was "abnormal" and I had to have it surgically removed. Ugh!!!! But it was definitely better after that, and I do have to say that he (Larry) was very sweet and very worried about me during that whole thing. So....it kinda erased the "not-good" attempts. In a way I think I lucked out being with him first, I wonder how many guys would've done what he did.

Lady Gaea
02-06-2003, 08:57 AM
Not that I really want to think about it, but my first time was a rape when I was 14, by someone I thought was a friend. What a way to start things off. Sometimes I still think it's a miracle that I've ended up as normal as I have.
*sigh*

Heather

Dranaan94
02-06-2003, 09:05 AM
OK, I didn't do the poll, because I am on the fence about a couple of things. My first time was when I was 18. The circumstances ruled it, more than anything else. I was simply ready. I was in a sort of relationship with a person I thought I was really into. L ater turned out not to be at all interested, which was fine since he turned out to be an ass. However, at *the* time, he was fine. happened in the basement room of his father's house - his bedroom/own apartment, sans kitchen. He genuinely cared for me and the experience itself was great. No pain, had *one*, and even got some gothic romance out of the deal. The fact that the relationship eventually ended (my decision) and post-relationship things were sour have no bearing on the night itself. I harbor no bad thoughts about the event itself.
To be honest, I am not sure that he had anything to do with my decision. As I said earlier, I was ready and likely would have been so whether I had a boyfriend or not. The fact that I was involved with someone made it a little nicer, but I sometimes wonder if maybe no emotional attachment your first time might not be the better way - like the old tribal tales of young boys and girls going to the cillage "expert" for their first time, to both loose their virginity and be schooled in the ways of sexuality. I believe we put too much emphasis on the emotional and not enough on the physical. Sex can and ideally should be a melange of both, but there is nothing wrong with putting the physical above the emotional every once in a while.

Just my thoughts.

Dranaan

cyd
02-06-2003, 10:14 AM
I'm not going into details on my first time, namely because the man in question is well known by a number of you here. Besides, one doesn't kiss and tell... :snicker: At least, not about the guy you're still in love with, and on a public forum. ;)

Actually, what I have is a question.

Am I one of the few women left in existance who waited until marriage?

That's not meant as an insulting question at all, honestly. I believe it's a personal choice for whomever does it and with whomever they do it. I always personally believed if a guy wasn't willing to wait, he wasn't worth waiting for. And it's a policy that quite honestly screened out one or two who basically didn't want to have a relationship if they couldn't have nookie without the commitment. I am very much the monogamist, and to me, sex is the ultimate expression of love in the relationship (call me a wolf. Wolves mate for life). I can't just "do it" just for grits and shiggles.

I remember in high school, one potential relationship (never got past the friendship stage, I think in part because of my own resolution to NOT do it before marriage) asked me the question: "well what if you reach your thirties or something and you're still not married? Are you gonna stay a virgin the rest of your life if you don't find someone who feels the same way?" And I said quite honestly, yes, because if a guy wasn't willing to wait, he wasn't worth waiting for. Greg told me to call him back when I turned thirty and let him know if I still felt the same way.

Where's his phone number, dammit? I wouldn't mind being able to tell him nowadays that yes, there was strength behind my convictions, and it wasn't just something said by an innocent teenager... :roll:

Besides... Just because one waits until marriage to have actual intercourse, doesn't mean that there wasn't some interesting playtime that didn't happen on the side... ;) :haloslip:

Cyd (I need to steal janelle's sigfile... (mostly) sweet and innocent... *grin*)

daBaroness
02-06-2003, 12:11 PM
I commend you Cyd, for sticking by your convictions. When I was a teenager I fully expected to wait until marriage, but I compromised when I was certain I was going to marry Craig. I think had we been in closer geographic proximity I would indeed have waited, but since we only saw one another about twice a year it seemed, in retrospect, we felt the need to compact everything into the time we did have together. When we broke up I was mortified and sobbed on my mother's lap about not being able to wear white when I did get married. If I remember correctly my mother laughed, although she tried to hide it.

Strangely, once I lost my virginity, I figured it didn't really matter anymore ... it was the early 70s and the era of free love and women's lib. I bought the hype hook, line, and sinker. It wasn't until I got into my 30s I realized I'd sold myself out. I'd been looking for love and the guys were just looking for a sperm recepticle.

Had I to do it over again - I'd be the ice queen. I've really done a 180-degree about-face as I've gotten older - maybe to the extreme. At this point I really have no desire to have a man in my life. Mayhaps that will change once I've raised my sons, mayhaps not. I just know that right now I feel as though I've been released from some huge, heavy burden and I'm having the time of my life with my attention focused on my kids, my family, and my friends. I didn't realize how burdensome my quest for Mr. Right had been, but not that I do, I won't go backwards.

And now that I know that at least for me, the most awesome sex is with someone I really love combined with the realization that I AM a goddess ( :bow: ) means if I do meet someone interesting - he's going to be hard-put to prove himself worthy. :pfft:

As for other women - the only advice I'd give is just an old saying, "to thine own self, be true."

daBaroness Vel

Tink
02-06-2003, 03:40 PM
To reply to some things Cyd and Baroness said:

I honestly think, that had I not had sex when I did, I very well may have remained a virgin WAY into my 20's, perhaps at 31 I'd still be one. Or perhaps not because I would've gotten married sooner, because the quality of men I kept with would have been more marriage minded *because* I was waiting. Between my first that lasted 4 years and meeting my most recent ex that lasted 3 years....none of my other relationships lasted longer than 3 months.....

I like, Baroness took a more free stance after losing it. ...What I mean by that is, that if I wanted to do it, I did. Through it all, I've only had one, one night stand and had the guy not lived several states away, I'd have dated him, so in my mind it wasn't just a fling. I for one, don't sleep with a guy unless I like him enough to date him. Unfortunately, in my past I have put the cart before the horse and it's blown up in my face. I thought things were further along than the guy did and once sex happened, they flaked out on me. Sooooooo....I've learned my lesson the hard way and now my stance is, ya want me.....you're going to have to work hard and long for me. Personally, that sucks, because...heck I want to have sex, so I am not the only one forced to wait. However, it just seems that if I am going to find the right man, I'm going to have to put my base desires on the back-burner.

Right now, I am so busy with work and finishing my masters and I know I don't plan to stay in the tri-state area, so my ideal would be to find a great guy to fulfill that base need, but again experience tells me that doesnt work either. So.....I guess I best stock up on my AA battery supply..... :lol:

Morgaine
02-06-2003, 06:51 PM
Interesting topic.

Who: Mike, AKA Disco (every frat boy has a nickname). :roll:

Where: His dorm room. He had arrange for his roomies to be vacant. :evil:

When: Halloween night, 1982. My freshman year at college :twisted:

What: I was a VERY good Catholic girl at the time. :star: VERY good. I could never dream of having sex before marriage. However, this was also the first man who had ever really taken an interest in me before. And I didn't want to disappoint him. (Did I mention I was VERY good? I didn't disappoint people. Ever.) :augh: He made me feel guilty that I hadn't spent the night with him, as I had ducked out to another party, because I was a bit nervous being alone around him. Guilt worked. He didn't know I was a virgin. It was a frat, I was a Little Sister, of course I had to be easy, right? Boy, was he surprised when I bled all over his bed. Ya know, romance novels never go into that part.... :? anyway, because I was such a good little Catholic girl, I convinced myself I was in love with him, and he had mentioned something about marriage... I learned later that "I want to marry you" is a very oft-used line! :sigh:

Do I wish I had waited until I was married? No, not really. Do I wish I had waited until I was actually in love? Yes. Because making Love as opposed to Having Sex is sooooo wonderful. But, live and learn. It's all part of who I am. And my husband loves who I am. So, I guess I wouldn't change a thing.

Dranaan94
02-06-2003, 08:05 PM
Hmmm. Starting to see a trend...am I the only one who doesn't have any regrets about the first time? I can and have differentiated between making love, having sex, and good old fashioned f*cking. I have and do enjoy all three, though now all with the same man. I've never automatically associated sex with love/emotions. Do Ijust have too much testosterone running thourgh me or what?

Dranaan
Who enjoyed her "slut phase" immensely and was always safe

Belladonna
02-06-2003, 10:24 PM
At this point I say no Dawn...I can DEFINETLY defer between the three.

I dont really regret anything about my first time. It WAS with someone that I thought I loved. That I did love in ways. If I had to do over, I probably wouldnt, since it made me understand things more when the right time came with the right person. I WAS ready for it, and it was purley on MY terms. There are times however, when I wonder how differently I would look at sex had it been different and I waited.

After recent events however, I have to say that you are by far not the only one who appreciates and tells the difference between the three forms of sex. I just wish I could find someone who lights off those fireworks, while maintaining the same level of emotion.

I have another question to add though....did um...the size of your first influence you other experiences since? Or is it just me?

Mairi the Herbwench
02-07-2003, 02:04 PM
Dranaan -

I also had a great first time, have always sepereted lust from love (much to the curiousity of many of my friends, both male and female,) have had my share of sexual partners, and found that for me, love doesn't make it any better, it makes it different.

And I honestly don't remember the size of my first partner, but thru my observations, most well-endowed men get by on size alone and never take the time to learn how to weild the monster so the woman doesn't get hurt... IMHO, it's girth that counts, not length... :cheer:

Kate
02-08-2003, 12:39 AM
Heh. This is kinda funny cause right now I'm, ahem, waiting for my boyfriend to get back. :wink:

Who: Amazingly enough, my current boyfriend

When: Um, YEARS ago. I actually can't remember the exact date, sometime in the fall/winter about a year? and a half? after we started going out.

Where: In the back part of my boyfriend's parent's basement. On a few cushions we threw down on the cold concrete floor. Romantic.

The big thing was that I wanted to be older, and mature, and because sex was something that "mature people in love" did. I loved him, and I wanted to make him happy, and do special things that people in love did. Mostly though, I just wanted to be cool and experienced. Oh boy. :roll:

I was far too young, and when it has come up in conversation, I've been told (twice, out of the two times it's come up) "wow! that's something to brag about!". Uh... no. I knew I would bleed, but I didn't realize it would hurt so much or bleed SO much. His size probably didn't help that, as he's
rather well endowed. Ahem. I was so scared at how much I was bleeding, and how much it stung that we just stopped. I remember being really upset, and him hugging me. I later found out he didn't feel ready and only did it because I wanted to. See... communication is good.
I'm more just angry at how much pressure I felt about that stupid piece of skin. We had no idea what we were doing... and i don't think the first time (or first dozen...) can be all that great because of how much it hurts. (though some of you disagree... didn't it HURT?!)
I can remember the first time I really felt like we were doing something special, and that's a fantastic memory, the next spring, with the sun streaming in through the windows and falling across the soft sheets and our bodies. Ah... yes...
Amazing that I still had sex after that first time though. More amazing still that I'm still with him. Though, his habit of always giving me hugs and listening intently when I'm upset has probably helped quite a bit.
Wow, that's a long, overly dramatic post. And he's sitting here wondering what the heck I'm writing about, and probably wondering how many other things I tell random women on the internet. :D

-Kate
"hehe!"

Morte
02-08-2003, 01:24 AM
and i don't think the first time (or first dozen...) can be all that great because of how much it hurts. (though some of you disagree... didn't it HURT?!)


Actually everyone is different... i didn't feel a THING my first time (well not a thing out of the ordinary :rotfl: i felt plenty else) My then boyfriend was suprised by that....

And let's see

Who: My first serious (much older than me) BF I wish now that I hadn't slept with him b/c i think i would have realized what a git he was MUCH earlier on if the whole "sex thing" hadn't been clouding my judgement, but then i would never have met my wondermous husband had i not been with the evil ex sooooo...

When/Where:The day I turned 18 (and moved in with him) in our bed that night...

And it was pretty OK .. i never realized until i was with my husband how much BETTER it could be :twisted:

About the waiting thing... i decided to wait til i was 18 (which was after i graduated) b/c honestly in high school all my friends who were doing "it" were So stressed out.. not only did they have the usual high school relationship things to worry about they were worried about being pregnant and their what if he cheats on me/breaks up with me worries were MUCH worse than mine... I'm not sorry i didn't wait for marriage, but i AM glad that i waited til i felt ready and that i was very... cautious thereafter, my hubby was only #3

interesting topic!

AllieSutherland
02-08-2003, 09:18 PM
I'm ashamed to say this, but am I the ONLY one who wondered, "Well, is this by Bill Clinton standards?" (i.e. as "sex" meaning the first time of intercourse, and even then, Bill had some questions. :lol:)

Well, the first time I had intercourse was when I was in college. He proved to be an asshole supremo, but at least I blurted out something that I didn't mean to... that put him in his place INSTANTLY (without my intention of doing so!)

"Um, are you in me? I can't tell!"

LMAO LMAO :twisted:

He honestly was so small that he kept falling out. So far, in my experience, small 8===> has equaled a miniscule personality.

Guess you can file that with the nose size/hand size/shoe size theories. ;)

:lol:

XOXOXOX
Allie

Meg Hille
02-08-2003, 09:42 PM
Okay, I wasn't going to, but I'm putting my two cents in here...
My first was with my now husband, then boyfriend in his bedroom at his parents house, ( I was 19) with his entire family watching TV downstairs. It was a VERY weird situation! This was completely unplanned; I had brought over the movie GIGI (I just loooove musicals!) and of course, he wasn't really into the movie so we did the whole making out thing.... and so on... Honestly, the only reason I said yes was to get it over with! The whole idea of having sex for the first time was such a huge source of stress for me that I figured, what the heck. I'll just do it. And I really thought it was boring! I remember thinking to myself, "this is it?!?!" I even remember shifting around so I could see the TV. Yes, watching GIGI was more interesting than sex.
Thank Goddess things have improved considerably since then!
Oh, and when I was going through their kitchen to leave that night, his sister was sitting at the table and askes, "so, how was it?" :oops: AND THEN his mother comes up from the basement and says, "oh you're done. I can finally get to bed." :oops: :oops: :oops:
A VERY weird situation!!!!!

Tink
02-08-2003, 11:11 PM
Hmmm. Starting to see a trend...am I the only one who doesn't have any regrets about the first time? I can and have differentiated between making love, having sex, and good old fashioned f*cking. I have and do enjoy all three, though now all with the same man. I've never automatically associated sex with love/emotions. Do Ijust have too much testosterone running thourgh me or what?

Dranaan
Who enjoyed her "slut phase" immensely and was always safe

I never said I regretted my first time. That I have never done. Would I have liked it to be all candles and romance? Yes, but it was with my first love and therefore, I will never regret it.

Tink
02-08-2003, 11:16 PM
Okay, I wasn't going to, but I'm putting my two cents in here...
My first was with my now husband, then boyfriend in his bedroom at his parents house, ( I was 19) with his entire family watching TV downstairs. It was a VERY weird situation! This was completely unplanned; I had brought over the movie GIGI (I just loooove musicals!) and of course, he wasn't really into the movie so we did the whole making out thing.... and so on... Honestly, the only reason I said yes was to get it over with! The whole idea of having sex for the first time was such a huge source of stress for me that I figured, what the heck. I'll just do it. And I really thought it was boring! I remember thinking to myself, "this is it?!?!" I even remember shifting around so I could see the TV. Yes, watching GIGI was more interesting than sex.
Thank Goddess things have improved considerably since then!
Oh, and when I was going through their kitchen to leave that night, his sister was sitting at the table and askes, "so, how was it?" :oops: AND THEN his mother comes up from the basement and says, "oh you're done. I can finally get to bed." :oops: :oops: :oops:
A VERY weird situation!!!!!

Hey Meg....nowadays when he hears "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" does it have a WHOLE different meaning. :wink:

emalia
02-10-2003, 07:37 AM
I am also of the can keep things separate ie the three catagories.. But then again, I also, lived in a resort area that the only chance you had of getting laid was people you worked with, or people on vacation...

Belladonna
02-10-2003, 08:09 AM
Tia....maybe I should go to the bahamas!

:twisted: :wink:

emalia
02-10-2003, 09:01 AM
Tia....maybe I should go to the bahamas!

:twisted: :wink:

Not sure if that would work with your penchant for not liking water too well.. Gotta earn some type of keep.. =)