View Full Version : This sucks!

02-24-2003, 11:57 PM
I posted this on another board that I frequent...but wanted to vent here to. Perhaps someone here might have gone through similar circumstances at some point.

I found out tonight that I more then likely am not going to qualify for insurance for me and Reilly through work. I HAVE to have insurance for Reilly by the time he's a year old lest I deal with the hassel of keeping him on Medicaid.

All because I'm going to be working fair and that cuts into my 'availability'.

If I want to brainstorm ways to increase my availability during the show, then that would help me, but they wont even consider asking the corporate office to either make an exception or change my official hire date to when i was hired as a seasonal employee. (Technically, seasonals arent employees and they dont start counting your probationary period till after your 'hired' as a new hire come the first of the year)

Now, they knew damn well when they hired me back in November as a seasonal employee that if I stayed on after the first of the year I would want to work enough hours to get insurance. And I should already have most of them by now, but I dont think I do since they ahve cut back heavily on hours and I work max 20 a week right now.


Not sure what to do. My choices are to:

1.) either stay where I am, leave fair (WHICH WONT HAPPEN!!!!!) and make enough hours for insurance.

2.) stay where I am, do fair, not get insurance until January and Reilly is 1 year and five months old....

3.) Stay where I am, do fair, and try to keep Reilly on Medicaid, which would mean that they go after his biological father for child support. It's required. Blah.

4.) Quit once I find a job like Publix which WILL give me insurance, and for working less hours too. Not to mention, I would probably get paid more.

02-25-2003, 12:14 AM
4.) Quit once I find a job like Publix which WILL give me insurance, and for working less hours too. Not to mention, I would probably get paid more.

There's your answer then, my heart. But damn, that's awful. I know how it feels, too-- I wore that t-shirt to shreds years ago.

You'll manage, though. You're a resilient Wench!

02-25-2003, 12:42 AM
I know it's probably of little comfort, but in a medical emergency, county hospitals MUST treat people that come in that need help... especially children. I'm not sure of your financial situation, but you don't HAVE to be completely down and out financially to qualify... some even work it out to ask how much you could pay, say even $5-10, and that is that.

I'm not sure how FL works, but there is an alternative program in KY and OH called CHIP (Children's Hospital Ins. Plan, I think) which is available to people that don't make enough at work to pay for private insurance, or whose work does not offer private insurance options for employees, or for those whom Medicaid can't cover for various reasons (going back to work, etc.). It's available for all children under 18, and in most circumstances, regardless of marital situation (in your case, where I assume you don't want them to go after the "sperm donor" for child support). It's either free or very, very low cost. My best guess would be to check with the local food stamp/families and children agency if you're not sure if this exists in FL.

Also, are there free medical clinics in the area (well-baby clinics)? My sister is a doc that volunteers at these, and there are people from a wide economic range who have to take their children to these for checkups, etc. for a variety of reasons (most often, because they work at these stores which keep workers just under the limit for hours where they have to provide insurance.) (I think this is terrible, but many places do it...) These well-baby clinics that I know of give shots, routine checkups, etc. for free.

Hon, I know this must be frustrating... it would be for me. Warm wishes and hoping for the best for you both... :)


02-25-2003, 07:30 AM
Our county hospital has a low cost childrens insurance here in TX...you might also contact a local childrens hospital and see if they offer any low cost insurance programs as well

02-25-2003, 07:45 AM
I've already applied for Floridas child insurance program, and we dont qualify for it since we currently live with my parents, and 'make too much money' as a household.

That is the part that REALLY sucks.

Mairi the Herbwench
02-25-2003, 09:57 AM
OK, I don't know the story, but you should be collecting child support. (Getting on sopabox.) :rant: The father/sperm donor of your child had an equal part in creating this child. He needs to take financial responsibility. I watched my mom die, trying to support 4 kids, after my dad refused to pay support. (OK - my mom was dying anyway, but she might have lived a little longer if she didn't have to work so hard.) Support is not for you. Support is for the child, so the child has a chance to grow up not in poverty or as deeply in poverty. We were on welfare when I was a kid, after my mom was too sick to work, and believe me - it's not a good way of life. You're very lucky that you have parents to support you, but what if something happens to them? Your child may not need another parent but your child deserves the financial security.

OK. End of rant. This is a subject I feel strongly about - I work in a child care assistance program for low income parents, and the amount of dead beat dads is astounding. Of course, there are the few moms with 5 kids by 5 fathers, and 4 kids by 4 fathers, all of whom are in jail, but by far, the vast majority are single moms with one or two kids who could make it if the dad paid support.

Aarrgh. There's a reason I never had kids.

I'm sorry if I offended you in any way - that was not my intent - and I don't mean this as a flame. Past experience plays a big part in who we are and what we believe. I can tell you my mom's date of birth, when she died, where she's buried, and her history. I know my dad's dead, but I dont care, and that's a harsh fact to live with.

Off the soapbox again. Love your kid(s) - that's the best lesson they can ever learn.

02-25-2003, 10:24 AM
After long talks with my parents and family/friends, we decided that it's better if reilly's sperm donor has nothing to do with him. if he pays child support, then he has paternal rights to reilly, which in the long run would be WORSE for my child. Trust me on that one. Reilly wants for nothing.

My only concern is the insurance, which I SHOULD have gotten by now anyways.

Mairi the Herbwench
02-25-2003, 11:08 AM
I'm working out of MN which is probably slightly different than FL, but we have something here with child support called "good cause" meaing that you have good cause to believ that if you file for child support, the SD (sperm donor) will injure you or the child in some way - either physically or emotionally. Also - filing for child support (here in MN) does NOT give the SD any rights whatsoever to the child - that has to be decided by the courts. So check it out - I know most social agency programs require child support at least to be filed. And good luck - being a single parent is the toughest job next to being a child of just one parent...

And thank you for not being offended - a lot of times it is in the child's best interest to not be any part of the SD's life, but boy, the rejection never goes away. It's been 40 years sisnce my dad left, he's been dead for several years, and I still resent him and haven't forgiven him.

02-25-2003, 12:11 PM
That DOES suck....

I agree with Ysobelle...your best option does seem to be Publix....out of the ones you listed.

I agree with your family/friends in keeping the sperm donor out of the picture.

I guess there is no way to put Reilly on your parents insurance?

Hope it all works out.

02-25-2003, 12:29 PM
Nope on the parents insurance....

I would LOVE to have him on Florida KidCare, but I woud have to move out of my parents place to do it, and I cant afford that yet. Course, things may change before then.

02-25-2003, 01:32 PM
Here's something else that you probably won't enjoy hearing. The your son's "sperm donor" already has legal rights to your son, whether he pays child support or not. That's part of being the biological parent. The only way he will not have any rights if is you have him sign his rights away, in which case due to federal welfare reform laws, you must have someone to adopt him in place of his natural father. I've been where you are and it's not fun. Rhiannon only had a medical card for the first 8 months of her life and the state still went after her biological father for child support on her behalf.

Having the father pay child support is not necessarily going to be the end of the world for you. If he is anything like my ex, he's not only not going to want to take the time to come and visit but he'll probably decide that it's just too much of a hassle to try and see Reilly. My ex hasn't seen Rhiannon since she was 3 1/2 months old because he just can't be bothered. Of course, he can't be bothered to maintain a job, either. Child support has been sporadic but when it's been there, it's really helped. I know you don't want this man involved in your son's upbringing, just as I don't want my ex involved in Rhiannon's. Paying child support does not automatically give him unrestricted access to Reilly. You, as the custodial parent, are able to set the visitation schedule. Unless he has the buckage to pay for an attorney to take you to court to set visitation, I wouldn't worry about it overly much.

Hang in there. I know it's tough now, but things will get better. I promise. Sometimes it just takes a while and seems like it's taking forever. Keep the faith, honey. You and Reilly will make it and you'll both be stronger for it.


02-25-2003, 01:44 PM
Actullaly right now he doesnt have paternal rights since there is no father listed on Reilly's birth certificate. He would have to go through all the legalities of proving he was the father first, which though he's said he wants to do, he hasnt done yet, nor has he seen Reilly since January.

My best bet is to find another job right now. I'm thinking that would be the best thing to do since I would still be able to fulfill my contract for faire, yet get paid more and get insurance before reilly's first birthday.

Mairi the Herbwench
02-25-2003, 01:59 PM
You can file for child support, and since there's no father listed - claim the father is "unknown". We have one mom on our program with 3 "unknown" fathers for her 3 kids. It's known as "playing the system". And you're right - if he's not on the BC, he's not the dad. Good luck on the new job!

02-25-2003, 02:47 PM
Not that this may help much, but have you looked into low income possibilities? Since you are only working 20 hours/week, I would assume that you are under the poverty level of income (unless you make a gazillion $$/hr). My sister who lives in NY only works part time and she looked into private insurance for low income people. It was pretty reasonable. Check with some individual insurance companies. I would also contact somebody like the Red Cross, maybe they can direct you to some sources.

As I said, not sure if this helps or has already been tried. I offer my good thoughts and support to you and Reilly, and hope that the karma gods find it in their heart to open a door for you somewhere.... seems as though you're due....


02-25-2003, 02:49 PM
Laws vary from state to state. The state of Kansas went after not only my ex-husband (who is NOT Rhiannon's father) and her biological father. Both had to submit to paternity testing. The legalities of paternity and child support for the most part are truly a crock of proverbial shit, especially if you have two states involved. Kansas said that it would fall under Texas' jurisdiction because she was conceived in Texas. Texas said that it fell under Kansas' jurisdiction because she was born here and I was already a legal resident of the state. They passed the buck back and forth until Rhiannon was damned near 2 before they finally got the SD into court in Texas. I insisted that he not be the one to be responsible for health insurance for Rhiannon as I knew he would never be able to keep a job. That was my only request. It took me calling the governor's of both states to finally get the case into court...that and threatening to call every media outlet that I could think of. It worked. The delays stopped and the actual action got going.

Kansas would not let me leave the father's name blank, which was my preference. They insisted that if I didn't name a father then they would place my ex-husband's name on it. Apparently in Florida, you have a much easier time of keeping the weasels out of your chldren's lives than we do here in Kansas. I've been fortunate in the fact that Scott has never asked to pursue his fatherly rights. His parents haven't even asked to see Rhiannon...EVER. Scott is still about 7 grand in the hole for back child support but he did get married last year and actually filed his income taxes for the first time in 6 years. After his new wife filed an injured spouse form to keep her part of the refund, I got the rest. It took until last month, but I got nearly a grand of the back amount that he owes. It paid for Rhiannon's school. The last time that Texas had to intervene when he stopped paying child support, they upped the amount he was paying and informed him that if he started job hopping to avoid paying, he would go to work for the State while wearing an orange jumpsuit. Now if they could just find him to get it started. I'm sure he'll look quite lovely in bright orange.

I'll keep my thoughts and prayers going your way for you finding a good job with good insurance. I work for a subsidiary of Office Depot and had my benefits in place after temping there for 3 months. That was 5 years ago. I'm still there and stay there because of the insurance and the other benefits. Depot's a good company to work for. Bruce Nelson, the Big kahuna, is pretty committed to making it one of the 100 Best Places to Work by next year. You're right there in Depot's home state. Their corporate offices are in DelRay Beach, but they they have stores and warehouses all across the state. Check there.

Best of luck to you-

02-25-2003, 03:06 PM
No in Florida it seems that the children taht need it arent given the surveillance that they need.

I've tried all the government assistance programs. Because we are currently living with my parents, they take my parents incomes into consideration. Due to that, our 'household' makes too much money for us to be qualified for anything other then WIC assistance.

02-26-2003, 08:41 AM
You however were in Married when your issues started from what I gather. Another friend of mine has to give her child her ex-husband's last name as she was unable to attend her divorce hearing as it was scheduled for the day she ended up in the hospital, she gave birth one day later. The Dr.'s wouldn't let her attend the hearing via the phone. This child was fathered by a different man after they separated and filed for divorce. She now has to go back and legally change her son's last name bacause she doesn't want him to carry her Ex-Husband's name.. Wanna talk about a screwed up system!

02-26-2003, 02:27 PM
Okay...here's a way to try to get that government coverage. Have your parents write you a lease agreement...make sure they include the weekly or monthly rent you pay them for your "room". Make it all official that way and they can not take they're incomes into consideration, they have to look at it as a Landlord/tenant situation. And whatever you do, don't bring it to their attention that your landlords are your parents...if anything let them ASK. Unless they ask, only refer to your parents as your landlords.

Anyway, that's what I would try, I know that's how my Mother did it when my sister and I were younger here in NY.

Good Luck, keep your chin up....these things have a way of working themselves out.

02-26-2003, 03:04 PM
Nope. Rhiannon actually has her biological father's last name. My divorce papers state specifically that no children came of the marriage but that made no difference to the state. If I had not named her father, Kansas would have made my ex her father whether he was or not. It was quite tangled and twisted and is still causing me problems every now and then.

I was in the middle of the divorce when the baby that I as told I would never be able to conceive or carry to term came to be. My ex-husband was wonderful through the whole divorce proceedings. While I was in Kansas, he was in Texas taking care of everything and making sure that there were no hold-ups or snags. The divorce went off without a hitch. It was everything else that seemed to find every possible snag. But I ended up with the most amazing little girl who has been worth every single trial and tribulation that we've faced.

I'm in the process now of gathering all the info needed to have her last name changed to mine.