A shameful admission.....

[nymphet_lilly]

Ladies, I have something to confess.

It is rather an odd feeling, and I hope I can make you understand! I have always been curvy and chubby. I would not want to be very small, as it really wouldn't suit me at all.

A few years ago, I was on WW with a family member. I got down to the smallest I have ever been, and was pretty happy at that size...I would not have needed to get too much smaller. I was still round and soft and curvy, as I wanted to be.

Since then, I have gained back all that I lost, plus lots more. I still like the way I look, but I know I liked it better before. Health is not really an issue yet, as I am only 21 years old and in good health, but I know it will be in the future....

And here is the odd part. I feel incredibly guilty about wanting to get back down to that size. I feel like if I try to do this, I am just giving in to societal pressures telling me that I can only be attractive at a size 2, that my worth is all in my weight. I feel like if I admit to wanting to lose this, I will be sending the wrong message to all the people who I have told that it is good to be happy about yourself and be what size you want to be.....as if I admited to this, I was invalidating everything I have been so vehement about And oh, how people will tease me mercilessly....."ha, you were wrong, I knew you would give in....see, I told you this was just a phase. You couldn't really have been happy that size...etc" (mostly from family and such)

It feels as though I will be giving up a part of my personality and myself to try to lose wight. Also, I cannot stand the idea of someone asking if I have lost weight and saying that I look so much better....the very idea makes me want to cry.

I know that if I am doing all these things and trying to hide them, or feeling secretly bad and guilty about them, I will never achieve them successfully.

I don't know why I feel this way. Do any of you understand at all?? I feel rather odd about this, and almost embarassed....me, who embarasses at nothing!

I hate admitting weakness. Rrrrrrr. :oops: :(

I want to be able to be happy about my progress, not to feel a little pleased, but a lot more guilty!

So, I am hoping ot find understanding and support here for both how I am feeling, as well as my future endeavors....

Blessings and Bacchus perserve you,
~Lilly

[Athalia Jewel]

Sweetie, do what makes YOU happy. If all of us caved in to societal pressures, there would be nothing but a country full of Twiggy lookalikes. If you feel that it might be best to lose some weight to avoid the potential of future health issues, then go ahead. Only you truly know what is best for you. Never let anyone else make you feel ashamed or embarassed. You are fabulous no matter HOW you look!

Above all, remember that you are a Woman Entitled to Nothing but Complete Happiness!

[Foxglove2660]

Sweetie, do what makes YOU happy. If all of us caved in to societal pressures, there would be nothing but a country full of Twiggy lookalikes. If you feel that it might be best to lose some weight to avoid the potential of future health issues, then go ahead. Only you truly know what is best for you. Never let anyone else make you feel ashamed or embarassed. You are fabulous no matter HOW you look!

Above all, remember that you are a Woman Entitled to Nothing but Complete Happiness!

wholeheartedly I concur!

[Malina]

I understand completely. At my smallest I felt great but had family members concerned I was anorexic (I wasn't!).

I have since gained back all the weight too. I still like myself at this weight but diabetes runs heavily in my family as does high blood pressure. So I know it's not just society making me feel like I need to lose the weight. All I know is I could move better, walk/hike longer and just generally felt healthier at a smaller size.

Believe me, part of me doesn't want to lose the weight for 2 good reasons (bodice cleavage!) :twisted: But I know I have to regardless.

So don't worry, you're not the only one. :wink: Good luck and do what's going to make you feel best about yourself.

[Drea Beth]

Without going into a long, lengthy reason why, I totally and completely know where you are coming from. You are not the only one who enjoys a body built for comfort! :star:

I will say this though. Talk to your doctor and (strictly from the health perspective) see what s/he thinks. If, at 21, I had gotten more of a handle on weight management, most likely, now, at 40, I would not be going on my sixth year of blood pressure meds. It's never too early to start protecting your future health.

Good luck with whatever you decide...

[aspen]

I have noticed that there is not only societal pressure to be stick-thin, there is also societal pressure to be chubby. As in, "You can't possibly be trying to lose weight for your own sake, you must be caving in to social pressure and advertising! Be a Big, Beautiful Woman just like everybody else!!"

Scruit. It's all BS.

Your weight doesn't make you happy or unhappy. It's one factor among many in your life. You were happy at the smaller weight. You can be happy at the larger weight.

Health matters. Friends matter. Good food matters. Your body being capable of doing the things you want to do matters. The rest is pretty insignificant.

(OK, maybe being able to wear those to-die-for leather pants and not look ridiculous matters, too.)

Aspen

[Ren]

I concur with the previous poster, there are two trends: One, the pressure to be very thin and two, the pressure to not-conform and be larger, in which you are conforming to non-conformity.

Factually, people WILL treat you differently dependant on your size. I know this from experience.

However, if you can shake off what OTHER people say and want and feel, and not care, then do what makes you happy. Being thinner is healthier, but if you're not happy, then there's really no point in it. If being smaller makes you happier, go for it. If you like your size now, more power to you. Do what makes you happy, as the others have said.

You have to decide which makes you happier.

If you choose to lose weight and people say things to you... Ignore them. Flip them off. Tell them why they're wrong.

I wish you luck in whatever you choose.

[Silverwind]

I would like to offer an observation based on an unusual perspecive....

First a bit of background. In introducing my wench to the world of renfaires (and isn't it fun to corrupt new people) she was pulled up out of the audience at a belly dance show. She was looking for a no impact method of excersise because of her back and within a year had joined a class. It was just for the excercise because she did not feel that she had the body needed for public performance.

There were all shapes, sizes, and ages of women in the classes and I have seen a number of begginer classes go through the studio now. (I'm a drummer for the dancers). Something happens to about 3/4 of the women about two thirds of the way through the six month begginer class. They suddenly realize that they are beutiful when they are dancing and that the people around them can see that. It only happens when they suddenly reliaze that they attractive on the inside and they like what they are doing and how it makes them feel. It radiates out to everyone around them. When they know they are wonderful, then they are.

I found this same thing with the local membership of the Wenches Guild here and I'm sure it applies to everyone in the guild. So, my point is to believe in yourself and feel good being yourself and you will be beutiful now matter what your shape or size is.

[moira]

i'm having the same issues with myself and my college health class. now one part of the "weight" chapter says that the media is telling girls to be a "size 4 like allly mcbeal" but then you turn the page and it says on the BMI chart that i should weigh like between 110 and 119. if i weighed that, i woul be a size 4 and icky looking to boot. totally hypocritical.

moira

[justLori]

Lilly darling,

Do what you want. You say you were curvy and happy when you were at the lower weight, and you want to be there again. So do it. It doesn't sound like you aren't caving to society, more like you know what you want. So go get it.

Don't be ashamed of it either--you aren't "giving in". You are doing what you want to do, for yourself.

I've also lost weight over the last year--not quite to what the BMI scale says is healthy, but I've gone from severely overweight to just barely overweight. And I'm ok with where I am now. While it would be cool to be within the "healthy" range and show that to my doctor, I'm not concerned. My body has decided where it wanted to stop, and I think I look pretty good, so I'm staying here.

Why did I lose the weight? I wanted to. This is my second time down to this weight, and I like how my body feels here. I was tired of being tired, and of not really fitting clothing in any store (Lane Bryant was a bit too big, New York & Company was a bit too small--I was falling into the cracks). IT helped that I"m the only one in my immediate family not yet on high blood pressure--and I would rather not be. No real pressure from outside societal forces--no desire to turn into a twig. Just wanted to be healthy.

So do what you want to do--if you want to be a smaller you, go for it.

just Lori

[Constance Innuendo]

first (not that it matters because a: you don't know me, and b: it is someone else's opinion) I have seen several pictures of you now, and all I've ever thought is "damn, she's gorgeous"

I totally understand your dilema. I was ecstatic when I was "fluffy". Due to health concerns (diabetes runs in the family, and I have lots of old injuries and the extra weight was causing joint stress and pain) I decided to lose the extra weight. I'm still a good 10 pounds above where society says I need to be, but I'm more flexible, have more energy and am in far less pain. I think the best compliment I have recieved was from an old friend at faire, he saw me at the end of a weekend and said "wow did you get your knees fixed or something? you aren't limping!" I said "no just getting the weight off them did that" and he was like "oh I had noticed that too but your knees seemed like the bigger deal".
My advice is take any family or personal health issues into account, and then do whatever it is YOU want to do

[Nevada]

If you are happy do what keeps you there...However, do get a total checkup....if your family has a history or diabetes, blood pressure, or joint problems do take that into consideration. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes...managed to lose 20lbs from june to august and recently had to have a second back surgery....it is no fun believe me...so I am back on track to get the majority of the bulk off my frame. Personally I never wanted to be thin.....and I won't be...just less curvey....curvey is an attitude just like being a Wench...good luck

[Blue Pixie]

I think you should do whatever makes you happy!

[FairieTink]

I know where you are coming from, I moved to NY almodst 6 years ago, 5'10 and 130 pounds... I am now almost 190. When I moved here I was to thin but now I feel like crap and I wnat to loose weight, problem is I am lazy, hell I even paid for a year at curves and only went two months.

[Saphyne]

i'm having the same issues with myself and my college health class. now one part of the "weight" chapter says that the media is telling girls to be a "size 4 like allly mcbeal" but then you turn the page and it says on the BMI chart that i should weigh like between 110 and 119. if i weighed that, i woul be a size 4 and icky looking to boot. totally hypocritical.

moira

Just remember, though, a size 4 at 5 feet tall is MUCH different from a size 4 at 5'10. That may be what the healh book is talking about.

For me, at 5'1, a size 4 is a perfectly healthy size to be. It also means that at 135 I'd be on the charts as "unhealthy weight", whereas with 2 -3 more inches in height, that would be a perfect weight according to those same charts for my height and age.

I've managed, through diet and exercise, to get myself down to a perfectly healthy in-between weight over the last year... but it isn't about looks. I have never been overweight and when I had gained in the year before last, I hated myself for it. I like fitting into the clothing that I have. I hated buying new, bigger clothing. For my height, my "healthy" weight is 101-132. There is no way in hell I'd ever be able to get down to 101, nor do I ever want to. I like the curves I have now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is different for everyone. As long as you are healthy, according to your doctor, then the way your body looks doesn't matter to anyone but you. There is nothing wrong with liking your own body smaller, and there is nothing wrong with liking it bigger - as long as it is not so small or so big that you are putting your health or life at risk.

[Saucy Ria]

I know where you are coming from, I moved to NY almodst 6 years ago, 5'10 and 130 pounds... I am now almost 190. When I moved here I was to thin but now I feel like crap and I wnat to loose weight, problem is I am lazy, hell I even paid for a year at curves and only went two months.

OK.......that does it.....i don't need to lose weight........i need to gain 3 inches in height....cuz if I could look as good as fairietink I would be perfectly happy 8)

Been in the middle of these conflicting feelings for quite awhile now.... I felt great last summer when I zipped up those size 12s but it didn't last long and now my 14s are tight. Still down 3 sizes from 2 years ago but not where I'd hoped i could stay. BUT... I honestly enjoy being curvy. I like the way my body feels and maybe it's not very feminist, but I love that HE loves my fluffiness. Knowing he thinks I look hot makes me FEEL hot! :twisted: SO, all in all.......I wouldn't mind being a bit more comfortable in my jeans.... but my size really doesn't cause me alot of angst anymore. I kinda like me......lotsa fluff or not so much fluff. Hell I am 44 years old and I think it's about time I can say that!!

[Phoenix McHeit]

Ok Lilly... here goes:

6 years ago, I was going through a divorce. I have 4 young children and at the time I weighed in at 353. Not as alarmingly large on my 6'2" frame as you'd might think, but not good for me either. I have since lost half of me, (over 175 lbs) and I like it that way. I admit, I first lost the weight for 'societial reasons' (i.e. having 4 children and being large, something hadda give if I were to ever turn a head again) yeah yeah, bad self-image, I know.

Point is, I feel so much better now. My knees don't hurt like they did, I am more able to run & play with my guys, and I'm back to bike-riding, which I adore. Even though I lost quite a bit of 'fluffiness', I'm still just as much a wench as any other fuller-figured ladies out there. My father being diagnosed with HBP & Diabetes certainly was a wake-up call as well.

Do what makes you more "you" whether it be larger & curvy or smaller & less curvy, but do it for YOU. Make sure your health is where it needs to be, and other than that, Live Life To The Fullest.

Blessings, dear!