View Full Version : Military Humor

03-07-2005, 03:07 PM
"Never suggest that something 'should be done' unless you are
ready to do it yourself."

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of
your unit." -Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy."
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
-U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The
bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
-Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the
area you just bombed."
-U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
encountered automatic weapons." -Gen.Mac Arthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
-Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways."
-U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
-Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever
volunteer to do anything." -U. S Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." -David

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
-Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."
-Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown
Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
-Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

Eric McTavish
03-07-2005, 03:50 PM
For all those ground pounding, mud huggers out there (aka Infantry)


1. You are not a superman.
2. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire. (This is why aircraft carriers are called "bomb magnets")
4. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
6. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
7. No plan survives the first contact intact.
8. All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.
9. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
10. Try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be low on ammo.
11. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.
12. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is their main attack.
13. The important things are always simple.
14. The simple things are always hard.
15. The easy way is always mined.
16. If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.
17. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
18. Incoming fire has the right of way.
19. Friendly fire - isn't.
20. If the enemy is in range, "SO ARE YOU!!!!".
21. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
22. Beer math is: two beers times 37 men = 49 cases.
23. Things that must be together to work, usually can't be shipped together.
24. Body count math is: two guerrillas plus one porta-pot plus two pigs = 37 enemy.
25. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
26. Anything you do can get you shot - including doing nothing.
27. Tracers work both ways.
28. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
29. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
30. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
31. When both sides are convinced they are about to lose, they are right.
32. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
33. Murphy was a grunt.