Airplane Maintenance

[Dragonfly]

Excerpted from "Bombardier Aerospace Globe" No. 4, Aug/Sep 1997.
(A newsletter put out by Bombardier. It explicitly states that
"Reproduction of any article is permitted if the source is
mentioned.")

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air
Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks"
are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance
crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

[Kaige]

Heh. I actually dated a guy that was an airplane mechanic for Bombardier. Some of the stories he used to tell me..

I'll take the train.

[Larkspur]

Former Navy Parachute Rigger, just remember our motto...

We're the last to let you down...

We had forms called VIDS/MAFS for malfunction reports, and yes, Navy aircrews really take the cake. I wish I could recall one of them, but there were just too many, and I am laughing so hard right now just going down memory lane.

[Lady Laurel]

My husband is an airplane mechanic he is in private industry now but when he wan in the military he tell the funniest stories of the things they did to the planes.

[Artos O'Dalriada]

i still remember the 'gerbil in the cockpit' incident.....shoulda seen the look on THAT pilot's face....

[Artemisia]

My husband is an airplane mechanic he is in private industry now but when he wan in the military he tell the funniest stories of the things they did to the planes.

My hubby was also an airplane mechanic in the USMC. He's building his own Murphy Rebel 4-seater. (You really don't want to know how those things are put together if you're gonna fly in one.)

One my husband actually used:

Problem: F*cked up instrument display.
Solution: De-f*cked instrument display.

My favorite:
Problem: Not sure - sounds like a midget hitting the engine with a hammer.
Solution: Took hammer away from midget.

[Lady Laurel]

Problem: F*cked up instrument display.
Solution: De-f*cked instrument display.

I love it I am going to tell him that one tonight :lol:

[Lady Laurel]

http://www.sciport.org/ix_times.htm

Sorry for the double post but three weeks ago we went to a IMAX movie called fighter pilot. It is a actually doucmentary of the training to war done in Navada. My husband is ex airforce and worked on F-15 fighters ( among others they are his favorites) He has done this before and it was awsome to watch what all they did to get ready for war. It was very sobering to what the bombs did when they hit the targets.