View Full Version : Clever things I wish I'd thought of first.

Mum Tarts
04-22-2005, 08:24 PM
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences... He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot-some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: the annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
19. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; do you want fries with that?
21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
25.. He who dies with the most toys is none-the-less dead.
26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27.. Ham and eggs: a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Luv It :rotfl:

04-22-2005, 08:40 PM
:D I like it! I love it! I want some more of it!

Cassandra from VTRF
04-22-2005, 09:07 PM
Awesome, just awsome!

04-22-2005, 11:59 PM
Cousins to #14:

"You! Out of the gene pool!"

"Someone went swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool, didn't they?"

My current new favorite is:

"When life gives you lemons.........squirt lemon juice into the eyes of your enemies!"

Buxom Wench
04-23-2005, 06:23 PM
The comeback I use when someone asks, "Guess what?"

Don't know what, never met what, don't wanna know what.

Usually stops 'em in their tracks long enough for me to walk away.

04-24-2005, 07:53 AM
My come back to my daughter's "Hey Mom, you know what?" is "Nope, don't know what. I do know how and why though." :snicker:

It used to stump her for a bit, but now all I get is "MOOOOOOMMMMM!"