For the Kiddos

[erinrai]

Does any one have any suggestions on how to handle it when a father decides to cut off all contact with his children? My family is trying to deal with this right now. My two older children's father hasn't called or written to them in over 2 months. The only address we have for him is a non existant one. We didn't find that out until the oldest bought and sent a present to her father for hid bday only to have it returned address unknown. He also had his cell changed and changed jobs. It is breaking my heart to watch my little girl cry herself to sleep every night because of her father. My son just acts out and calls his father names, saying he doesn't love him. I don't know what to do other than constantly telling them that I love them and wouldn't trade them for anything.
I do have to say that their step dad has stepped up and tries to show them he is there for them but I know it isn't the same. But he does try, because he does love them.

[Keeley135]

well...as the mom of 2 whose dad is in and out of their life, I feel for ya and your babies. Unfortunately I think they will just have to learn that their dad is an asshat. I would suggest taking them to a therapist, and definately get the school counslor involved. They sometimes offer groups for kids with certain problems or challanges in their lives. Also, try not to say bad things about their dad, even tho we KNOW he's an asshat!! They will have to figure it out on their own. I tell ya, it will get worse before it get better, keep them surrounded by those that they can count on, trust, and love, and I think they will be just fine!!

[Mairi the Herbwench]

As a kid raised with an absentee dad (he split when I was 7, it was 10 years before I knew if he was alive or dead,) I agree - get them into some family counseling. It's wonderful that their step-dad is stepping up to the plate and that will help, but rejection by a parent lasts throughout your entire life - I'm 49 and can still trace a lot of my relationship problems to that.

How old are your kids?

[Leigh]

Just be there for them (which is what your already doing :love: your a good mom and your husband is SUPER great dont doubt ) is the best thing. I was raised in a split family and had real issues with my dad after he left and broke contact. I even made it hard on my stepdad ("your not my father" ...gahh was I stupid) because i was mad at my dad. But my parents stuck by me and I relized I didnt need my dad because I HAD 2 loving parents at home. I have had to teach my son as a single mom a similar lesson because as much as my son loves his dad i cant make him stay in touch. Just let them know that its nothing they did or said and listen when they are ready to talk on their feelings. As parents we want to keep them safe and happy but we cant always protect their hearts. It tears me apart but Im starting to understand it.