Ending the thread..Sorry folks

[Wolves Lady]

Always fun to be posting to empty air. My apologies again to everyone on the board for this mess.

[Galleywench]

Nothing nearly as stormy here as what you're going through. I was baptised Roman Catholic then Dad divorced and wife #3 was Jewish so he converted...we celebrated both religions. I worked with my local CYO AND was on the board of my B'nai brith chater...go figure.

I've had my issues with organized churches and have decided that I don't need a place of mortar and stone to have faith. Jay, simply does not have faith, he is an athiest. We agree to disagree.

You might want to take a step back and see where or how you can show support for HIM rather than the church itself. May be not attend services but be there for the extra curricular things he chooses to get involved with at the church. Would you be there to support him in a civic group in any way, one that you would not join? If you removed the religion quotient, how would you be there to support him?

AND... perhaps suggest he also do the same for you!

[The Doxie with Moxie]

WOLVES LADY SAID:


I was wondering if anyone here has a relationship/marriage where the partners are mixed faiths? DH knew I was pagan when we were married, and it never really mattered much to him.

I'm just wondering if you and your husband had a religious marriage ceremony. Since he is the son of a minister... did he tell his parents of your Pagan beliefs? Do the people in your personal lives know that you have different beliefs? (If you find these questions nosey or insulting I apologize.)

I'm very sorry that you feel he is embarrassed by your beliefs. It's so difficult to continue with someone when you feel they don't approve or understand who you are at such a fundamental level. People are constantly evolving, trying things, finding out about parts of themselves they didn't even know existed. I think that as things change and change back and change again it is really important to know that the person you're with is important enough to stay with through change. I don't think of how much I LOVE someone (this may be semantics with me) but rather how important I want them to be to me. I decided a long time ago that my children are the most important thing in my life, my partner is second, and my creator is third. My partner is comfortable with his position in my life and I with mine in his. Are you comfortable with where you stand in your husband's life? If not, are you able to respect his choice for an indefinite amount of time? If the choice is his order of importance or not being in his life at all can you live with that? If you know how you feel and what you can or can not handle you will make it through this.

You will be in my thoughts. Stay strong and remember that you, as you are, have value. You do not have to apologize for or hide your faith.

[Bonnie Strangeways]

My first Marriage was a silent war-zone in matters of Faith. My Ex was raised Pentacostal, and I, while raised Irish Catholic, had turned to Paganism in my teens. Needless to say, his family were horrified. It didn't "appear" to bother him when we were dating, or when we were first married. (in a civil ceremony, no churches for me)

After a while it started to bleed into conversations and finally, I had to stick to not speaking on matters of Faith or Politics in the house. (read - he was a rabid repulican!) Everything seemed to calm down until my son was born. Then the proverbial shit hit the fan.

My Ex tried every argument in the book to have my son baptized Pentacostal, and raised within that Church's precepts. Luckily, our realtionship was already failing by this time, so it was relatively easy to get away from him, taking my son with me.

My current husband is blessedly Agnostic, and thinks that Pagan Beliefs are fascinating. He loves to spend hours talking to my friends and I.

Stick to your guns, don't let youself be assimilated into the mindset, BUT, I would wait it out for a bit and see if the fervor dies down a bit. It's human nature that anytime we start something new, we wax passionate for a while, and expect that others will be as caught up as we are.

[Morgana]

Sorry to hear your having problems . My mother is Catholic , my father Protestant and I'm Pagan . I had the luck that they let me choose which way to go . At first I went the Catholic way but turned to Paganism because it was much closer to my heart .
Hope you will solve your problems ! I'll be sending good thoughts your way :) !

Morgana

[Strahbary]

My husband says that the only reason why he isn't athiest is because of me. He doesn't call himself pagan, he feels closer to the christian religion but doesn't go to church (doesn't like churches). His only rule that he has is if i do something that is going to affect him he wants to know. The only time he has gotten mad at me is when I have forgotten to tell him. I was raised in an extremely strict/fundamentalist pentecostal church and my parents have no clue what I do. (though I think my mom may have her ideas)

If you haven't done so already, sit down and lay it on the table with him. Tell him that no matter what you love him but these are your beliefs and ask him what he would think if the shoe were on the other foot (so to speak). Let him know that you are ok with what he is doing and that you would like him to be ok with what you are doing. Also be sure to make him aware of what this has been doing to your mental state of mind and how it is hurting you.

*hugs*

[Mistress Mel]

*ponders* He knew you were pagan before you wed, never mentioned any problems but as soon as he takes a position in the church he turns rabid?

I am sorry, sincerely. Have you tried sitting him down and asking why this is so very important right now? Maybe he doesn't see or understand how usetting or confusing this is to your relationship. He needs to see how his stand is ruining your relationship.

If the situation at services and afterwards is as nacceptable as you say, then it is in your best mental health interests not to go. No need to make yourself so very upset. Perhaps if you agreed to meet him after services concluded at the door for a brunch away from the chuch, he could be slightly mollified. Going to Scotland with him doesn't mean you have to go on all the different tours and promotions the group will participate in - unless it's going to be one of those "live on the bus and sing/pray all day" events. If that is the case, sorry but I'm with you, stay home.

I'm pagan, was raised in a house where my dad is atheist, mom is Jewish and paternal grandparents were pagan and Greek Orthodox. We always put the person first and the faith second. My husband is agnostic, he believes in a divine force, but that we haven't quite figured out a good enough system for him to join. My son is free to choose whatever calls to him.

[Wolves Lady]

Thanks everyone,

He did know my beliefs before we married - it was one of the reasons that we were married in the courthouse instead of a church. His father is a Cherokee, descended from a family of shamans, but is himself a very free-thinking (although that is changing with age) Methodist Minister. I think he suspects, but really does not care, as long as I have a faith in something/some "higher power". My husband shared many of my beliefs before he took this position as a music director, and suddenly decided he "found his calling" at the church. Argh!

Scotland is a live-in with church menbers run the childrens program mission - not something I can gracefully avoid, and it is fully expected that people who go hand out flyers and teach in the classes - not exactly something I can do without going against my own standards.

Anyway - I am presently on vacation - two weeks away from each other to cool off - so hopefully we can discuss things better when I return.

[Elsbeth McCoughllie]

Hmmm.... Coming from a family where my mother was raised Episcopalian, raised me Catholic, her mother converted to become a Jehovah's Witness, I have 3 Born Again Aunts/Uncles, my dad is a closet Mason and I am pagan, I think there's got to be a way around this one. My family has gotten into little tiffs around the holidaysbut as the years have progressed, we've gotten to the place where we can respect each others beliefs even if they differ from our own, and focus on using the things our different faiths all have in common to celebrate the seasons. Maybe focusing on the common ground would help.
As they say,
"Paths are many, truth is one"
Bright blessings!!

[Nevada]

after issues of religion during dating...I stuck to pagan men...my question here is...he seems focused on why YOU dont support HIM....shouldnt HE equally support YOU also...relationships are 2 way.....

[Avhiennda]

Its a very tough situation - I'm sorry you are in the thick of it.

I'm a Pagan Convert, my fiance is Catholic. Till today, we have problems with it. He has adopted a "you do your thing, but don't talk to me about it" type of attitude. So on Sunday mornings he gets up and goes to Church while I sleep in.

I'm also a High Priestess with my own coven. THIS gets even more complex. Because I meet with them on a regular basis. He has met my coven members and he has come to terms with my goddess room (aka my office) but he still doesn't like it.

There have been many, MANY negotiations made. Because, at the end of it all, he understands that I will not change my beliefs back to Catholic. I am willing to attend Church for whatever reasons -- weddings etc. and I will support his wanting to do things for the Church as long as it doesn't "set of my spidey senses" so to speak.

Not "supporting" his sudden religious activity to him may have him feeling you aren't supporting him. I think that's the point that can be made during the discussion. That its important BOTH of your religions/feelings are supported and he's forgetting yours. Maybe travelling on a mission with him is too much for you, so maybe you can comprimise and say "I won't go for these reasons, but I support you and will help YOU prepare for it."

Just throwing things out. It is different for each of us. I hope you can both come to an understanding.

Blessings,
Avhi

[KissMeKate]

I know I'm coming into this late, although I've talked to WolvesLady about it. Wanted to see how the status of "things" were now.

Being in any kind of mixed marriage can be difficult, especially if one party (or even his/her family) can put extra pressure on a tenuous situation.

Wanted to remind you that we are here for you in support!

[JohnoWolf]

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[Lavinia]

I am actually very lucky, my boyfriend grew up in a VERY xtian home, he is now an agnotic, whereas I am pagan. We find that humor works the best, he tries to understand, and is very supportive, even if he has no clue. It was very cute watching him try and pronounce Lughnasadh :roll:

[Lavinia]

Have the two of you considered therapy, both separate and as a couple. My ex-husband outright refused, and by the end I wanted nothing to do with him, but it may not be too late for the two of you. Divorce is a hard and unpleasant descision, and I wound up losing many mutal friends of ours. Hope, good vibes and :grouphug: to you both.

[Elsbeth McCoughllie]

Have the two of you considered therapy, both separate and as a couple. My ex-husband outright refused, and by the end I wanted nothing to do with him, but it may not be too late for the two of you. Divorce is a hard and unpleasant descision, and I wound up losing many mutal friends of ours. Hope, good vibes and :grouphug: to you both.

I agree with Lavinia. It seems like what I'm seeing hear is a miscommunication. Perhaps a separation with counseling for both of you individually and together would be a good idea. If it still ends in divorce, so be it, but it seems like getting clear about where each person is coming ffrom would be beneficial no matter how things ultimately end up.
Bright blessings to the both of you! :grouphug:

[Nimue]

I already spoke with you about this, but you have all my support hon! :grouphug:

[JohnoWolf]

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[Wolves Lady]

My deepest apologies to the board for drawing attention to the domestic problems within my household. I will withdraw any further postings on the board until things have settled a bit, to avoid having further such incidents. Hopefully John will exhibit a bit of class and do the same in respect for the board.

[JohnoWolf]

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[Alianne]

With all respect --

Now that you've each had your 'say' here, I hope there is no more discussion about your personal issues from *either* of you.

This has now gone from the theoretical to two people dissing on each other in a public forum.

I'm sorry your marriage has gone south.

I don't really want to be subjected to public quibbling about it, however.

Somehow, I doubt anyone else here does, either.

Please (and this is really said respectfully), keep your 'dirty laundry' at home.

(My basement's already too darn full of the stuff..... ;) )

[Ysobelle]

I'm with Alianne. I'm sure you're both good people, but having it out here is a bit of a train wreck, and possibly something you'll regret later.

Good luck to you both.

[Elsbeth McCoughllie]

I'm with Alianne. I'm sure you're both good people, but having it out here is a bit of a train wreck, and possibly something you'll regret later.

Good luck to you both.

Huzzah......

[Dragonfly]

I'm sorry your marriage has gone south.
I don't really want to be subjected to public quibbling about it, however.
Somehow, I doubt anyone else here does, either.


*raises hand* Speaking as anyone else, I agree with this....you need to be talking to each other and not posting here about it.