Branwen
06-25-2005, 01:13 PM
Top 5 smart @$$ answers: Oldies, but goodies.
Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she
extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub."
Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at
the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big
enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,
"No ma'am, they're dead."
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've
been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as
I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he
sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before
he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he
gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for
miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop
gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver,
puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of gas."
AND NOW........FOR THE..........
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
for your not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family, but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his
hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said
I was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher
smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and
sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write
the exam with your other hand."
Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she
extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub."
Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at
the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big
enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,
"No ma'am, they're dead."
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've
been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as
I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he
sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before
he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he
gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for
miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop
gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver,
puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of gas."
AND NOW........FOR THE..........
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
for your not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family, but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his
hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said
I was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher
smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and
sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write
the exam with your other hand."