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Tempest_Gypsy
06-18-2009, 03:18 PM
Along the lines of "Overheard in New York (http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/)," I invite you all to "Overheard by a Wench!"

What's the best, funniest, most touching, sauciest, sexiest, or just plaing weird thing you've overheard today?

Today mine is, "We're not grammatically correct! This is show business!"

Ysobelle
06-18-2009, 11:04 PM
Oh, my G-d, as if I weren't impatient enough already for faire! We get the most bizarre quotes on an hourly basis. We need a whole website for this, woman!

Branwen
06-18-2009, 11:21 PM
Said in the Ladies flushies at TRF a few years back.

Does anyone know how hard it is to keep 5 tails and a monkey off your ass when you are trying to take a piss and not have them fall in the toilet before you are done?


Was said when someone made comment about said tails on a woman's backside, "M'Lady, did you know that you are being tailed?

Smarmy and quick reply, "Ya' know, a woman can never have enough tail."


Yeah, I made both comments.

Margaret
06-19-2009, 08:13 AM
This was a few years ago, but....

I was in my local grocery store after work. In the veggie section I see two guys who have the look of "The wives are gone and we are in charge of our own dinner tonight." One of the guys gives me a smile and a 'Hey.' as I excuse myself so I could nab something that they were standing in front of.

I meet up with them again a few aisles later as they are standing in front of the taco shells, mixes, sauces, etc.

As I walk past them, all I hear is one guy ask the other:

"Soft or hard?"

Maggie jumped to the forebrain and it was all I could do to shut the Wench up. :mmph: You just don't want to make random 'faire like comments' to guys in grocery stores.

Just barley stopped myself from going into full on Wench mode and saying "Hard gentlemen. Always hard."

Gemdrite
06-19-2009, 02:16 PM
This was a few years ago, but....

I was in my local grocery store after work. In the veggie section I see two guys who have the look of "The wives are gone and we are in charge of our own dinner tonight." One of the guys gives me a smile and a 'Hey.' as I excuse myself so I could nab something that they were standing in front of.

I meet up with them again a few aisles later as they are standing in front of the taco shells, mixes, sauces, etc.

As I walk past them, all I hear is one guy ask the other:

"Soft or hard?"

Maggie jumped to the forebrain and it was all I could do to shut the Wench up. :mmph: You just don't want to make random 'faire like comments' to guys in grocery stores.

Just barley stopped myself from going into full on Wench mode and saying "Hard gentlemen. Always hard."
Oh, so you have that barrier that stops you from saying things you shouldn't? Lucky you, I sometimes wish I had one of those, lol. I would have said it.

Margaret
06-19-2009, 02:20 PM
Oh, so you have that barrier that stops you from saying things you shouldn't?

And some times it even works!! ::yay:: :snicker:

Bronya
06-19-2009, 03:38 PM
Because I NEVER can keep my mouth shut. My boss (who I love and have worked for for 20+ years) sent me this little card and told me to put above my computer "Dear Lord Keep your arm around my shoulders and your hand over my mouth" That is my new mantra!!!

Bree-Auna
06-23-2009, 04:22 AM
Not really overheard, but said by a wannabe who's never even been to a faire :-(.
A few years back at a place I was working at I came out of the backroom and found two of the maintenance guys standing around talking rather than sweeping like they were supposed to be doing. I was walking up to them and said, "oh, working...hardly." (as opposed to "working hard".)

One of the two started stroking the end of his broom and poking his tongue into his cheek like a b-j. Well she made her appearance, I couldn't help it. Just sashayed up to him like I had a bodice and full skirt, and as I swept by, I said in *that* tone of voice..."I can do it MUCH better". Made him laugh out loud and I had never heard that sound before or since from him.

Tempest_Gypsy
06-23-2009, 02:04 PM
Today's is:
"Who knew I could feel bad for William Shatner?"

merestelle
06-23-2009, 07:10 PM
About a month ago at a pagan festival held on a farm...
Three young people climbing out of their tent in the morning.
Male #1 says "wow, those cows woke me up early, they were really loud."
Male # 2 says "what are talking about"
Female says "are there really cows?", I shake my head yes
she then looks at me totally serious and says "ARE THEY WILD COWS"
after a deep breath I remind her that we are on a farm.
she then looks around at the the sea of tents a little nervously and says,
"YOU MEAN THEY ARE WALKING AROUND HERE"
I bit my tongue and pointed to the next field........

Adriana Rose
06-23-2009, 08:26 PM
We keep our garlands on poles and as we are stocking the poles and teaching the newbies the ropes i show them how to hold the poles so they dont hurt their arms when they carry them. So a gaggle of teenagers break into giggles when I tell them that the best way to hold the pole is to be firm with it..

then cue the pole dancing jokes....



A fellow with a strange tail, walks by the shop I ask " my lord what kind of creature is that?" he replies " muskrat would you like to touch my tail?" then I reply " No my lord I never touch tail on a first meeting."

Will Knot
06-24-2009, 12:21 AM
Must explain this before I post what was said. PARF is a hard site, ie we have buildings that have foundations.

I was Standing in front of the Lighthouse across from May Faire Moon corsets when a couple walked past. They must have visted the shire at least once before in a previous year. The woman looks to the man she is walking with and says, "They must have detail blueprints so they can take the buildings down in the winter months then put them back togther for the faire. You can't even tell how they come apart."

At this point I came apart laughing and was assulted by mini-marshmellows.

Adriana Rose
06-24-2009, 02:13 PM
Gawds I get asked that like 5 time a day... " how do you take the shops down?" " gee its kinda hard to take a stone building apart!"

wrenchwench
06-24-2009, 02:49 PM
Gawds I get asked that like 5 time a day... " how do you take the shops down?" " gee its kinda hard to take a stone building apart!"

See that's when you say with a completely serious face..
"Well we wanted to give the construction and removal contract to the Elves but you know how tough their labor union is to deal with, so we gave it to the Fairies instead. It appears to be a good decision so far, don'tcha think?."
then smile at them and wait for their answer...


::whistle::

daBaroness
06-24-2009, 03:13 PM
First, let me state unequivocally that I am ALWAYS a wench - there is no wench mode, there is just an environment filter and on occasion it hasn't worked as well as it should. But if I'm not at work, in school or church or in some other place where appropriate boundaries must be observed - I'll say exactly what I'm thinking when the occasion presents itself.

My goal is to induce laughter - and I have to say rather proudly, that I'm pretty much 100% on that goal. They key is knowing your "audience" and just how to speak to them. I love cracking up groups of women - not matter what age. As part of MentalPause we used to love to crack up the teenagers by saying outrageous things like, "yeah - think of me as your mom ... on CRACK!"

My friend Vicki is a natural with older men - and can bring a smile to their face and probably a little wood to their loins just by pinching them gently on the cheek and saying something like, "I like my men with a little smoke from the chimney and some smoldering coals in the furnace." Then she'd wink at their wives and everyone had a good chuckle.

As for overhearing the most ridiculous things ever ... lordy don't get me started. The best ones don't even come from fair - they come from ignorant people in everyday activities and situations. I think one of the stupidest things said recently and reported to me was the wife of Cameron's father who insisted on a DNA test and when Cameron showed up to do the test without a birth certificate she said, "well, there's no point doing the test now since you don't have a birth certificate." Cameron asked what she meant and she said, "well Mike can't be your father if his name isn't on your birth certificate." Cameron just looked at her and said, "God damnit lady, you're even stupider than I thought - no wonder you married him."

LOL

Ysobelle
06-29-2009, 01:58 PM
Sigh.

My "Overheard" this weekend was just pathetic. Acquaintance of several years stops by my booth to chat. We talk about what we've been up to. He mentions he's been doing more archery. Then the following exchange occurs:

He: "I like to practice in my front yard. It keeps the discolored people away."

Me: "...Pardon?"

He: "You know...not like us. White."

Me: Put drink down. Pick it up. Put it down again. "I'm sorry...what?"

He: "Oh, I mean, I have a black family in the neighbourhood I'm friends with, but now there are these Mexicans, and they're starting for form gangs, and...."

Me: Picks up drink. Turns back on him. Walks away. Informs booth staff that he is always to be told I am busy and not available to talk. No exceptions.

He: Unfriends me on FaceBook.


Just...wow.

Ravin' Raven
06-29-2009, 02:36 PM
Sigh.

My "Overheard" this weekend was just pathetic. Acquaintance of several years stops by my booth to chat. We talk about what we've been up to. He mentions he's been doing more archery. Then the following exchange occurs:

He: "I like to practice in my front yard. It keeps the discolored people away."

Me: "...Pardon?"

He: "You know...not like us. White."

Me: Put drink down. Pick it up. Put it down again. "I'm sorry...what?"

He: "Oh, I mean, I have a black family in the neighbourhood I'm friends with, but now there are these Mexicans, and they're starting for form gangs, and...."

Me: Picks up drink. Turns back on him. Walks away. Informs booth staff that he is always to be told I am busy and not available to talk. No exceptions.

He: Unfriends me on FaceBook.


Just...wow.

I'm kinda almost sorry I missed that one...:unamused:

daBaroness
06-30-2009, 11:08 AM
Sigh.

My "Overheard" this weekend was just pathetic. Acquaintance of several years stops by my booth to chat. We talk about what we've been up to. He mentions he's been doing more archery. Then the following exchange occurs:

He: "I like to practice in my front yard. It keeps the discolored people away."

Me: "...Pardon?"

He: "You know...not like us. White."

Me: Put drink down. Pick it up. Put it down again. "I'm sorry...what?"

He: "Oh, I mean, I have a black family in the neighbourhood I'm friends with, but now there are these Mexicans, and they're starting for form gangs, and...."

Me: Picks up drink. Turns back on him. Walks away. Informs booth staff that he is always to be told I am busy and not available to talk. No exceptions.

He: Unfriends me on FaceBook.


Just...wow.

Yeah - I'm pretty much with the ... just ... wow!

Pearl_Fox
06-30-2009, 01:07 PM
*blinks* yeah that is a wow...


Well mine usually come from the fact that I can be pretty much clueless, and say things without thinking what they could mean.
ex:
Sitting at my cubical at work talking to my supervisor and eating a sucker... I offer her a blue raspberry she declines saying: "I don't like it when it turns my tongue a funny color at work."
I reply with "I don't care what color my tongue turns I just like sucking on them."

moiradochartaigh
06-30-2009, 06:53 PM
Today was my second day back to work after almost seven weeks of medical leave, and my manager stopped by my desk to see how things were going. On his way to my cubicle, he had picked up a handful of peanuts from a coworker's desk and was eating them when he started talking to me. Needless to say, I had a hard time understanding what he was saying, and asked him to repeat himself.

His response? "Ya know, I really shouldn't try talking when I have a mouth full of nuts."

I tried to keep a straight face, but then the girl across the aisle said "Yeah, Kev -- you should always remember to swallow."

I lost it......

Isabelle Warwicke
07-01-2009, 12:04 AM
While sitting with some of the Union men of my family, watching the news about the possible income tax hike in Illinois:

"G'head and raise 'em. I don't have a job anyway to pay with. Can't take more of nothing. It isn't going to get you very far."

Conall Crow
07-01-2009, 04:47 AM
Heard at the pool after watching a friend place their lil girl on the back of a Wench's legs while she was laying out tanning. The lil girl places the bag of snacks she has onto the Wench's lower back and bum. Wench turns her head towards the rest of as she says....... "I guess you have found a new use for my butt." ::wicked:: And after seeing the look on my face, all the Wench could say was "Shut up Scott" *rotfl*

Lady Hefron
07-01-2009, 11:35 AM
"Discolored people"...ummm...no I got nothing. That has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard!

Wow

Ysobelle
07-01-2009, 05:53 PM
"Discolored people"...ummm...no I got nothing. That has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard!

Wow



Yeah. I was so disgusted I had absolutely no idea what to do. I literally wandered in circles a minute in my booth cos I couldn't believe what I'd heard. Who the hell just comes out with that in conversation? Did his Racists United Support Group tell him to be loud and proud about it?

Ironically, neither did they tell him to check if he was actually speaking to a minority first.

Tempest_Gypsy
07-02-2009, 08:46 PM
Yelled by my boss, to another co-worker:

"I keep twisting the chicken head, but nothing happens!"

I can only surmise they were playing the same online game (we were jaw-droppingly slow today). I hope.

Tempest_Gypsy
07-03-2009, 05:58 PM
and today's:

"She looks very trans-gendered Slavik."

::kooky::

ioevohe
08-03-2009, 12:46 AM
At TRF last fall a very drunk group of campers pitched next to us. They had us falling out of our camp chairs the entire night. These were some of our favorites.

(half naked girl yelling) "I'm freezen my bloody ars off!!!!!!" (then she starts throwing all the clothes out of her friends tent) "I'm gunna wear ur bra as earmuffs!!! (as she fastens them to her head and wears it the rest of the night.)

Later on one of the couples began having extreamly loud, sex in their tent. They sounded more and more like donkeys in heat, and then quiet.... then you here they guy yell, "Damit... SOMEBODY GET ME A TOWEL" (a guys from as far as 3 camps overheard and brought him one)

"I'm lost, can you show me the way to the camp with the fish tacos?" (then he had to be saved from falling dead drunk into our fire pit)

Blue Pixie
08-03-2009, 02:02 AM
My first year at fair, one of the cast was dress as a Cardinal with these velvet red gloves. I just got out of the privies and Joe was talking to him.

Me: Isn't it hot in those gloves?

Cardinal: Yes but it has it's benefits.

Me: What benefits could they have in these heat?

Cardinal: Well- we you go to the privies- I have a lovely velvet feeling down under.

Me- turns beat red and laughs.

Tempest_Gypsy
08-03-2009, 02:22 PM
"You're suffering from a recessive Y chromosome."

Female boss to one of my male co-workers.

Azura
08-24-2009, 05:52 PM
I was on my way to watch a joust and I heard a man say "It's just like real life - the women want to go shopping and men just want to watch people fight." I chuckled...