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View Full Version : Pope says "Put a Bible on it"



Thistle
08-18-2009, 10:47 PM
Probably NSFW http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/put-a-bible-over-your-penis,-says-pope-200903181648/

Vixynne Rose
08-18-2009, 10:56 PM
Probably NSFW http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/put-a-bible-over-your-penis,-says-pope-200903181648/

:stunned:

I'd like to put a large heavy object over the Pope for that incredibly stupid assertion.

Someone tell the man it's not 1246 A.D. and wearing a bird-shaped mask over one's face won't keep the Black Death away either. We also don't burn witches or believe that nocturnal emissions are caused by succubi.
:augh:

What really REALLY burns me is that some wackdoodle "oh the Pope is God's spokesman on earth, he's infallible" morons are going to actually DO WHAT HE SAYS. I'm infuriated at him for spewing this nonsense in the name of God, and infuriated at the sheep who will follow his nonsense straight to the grave.

I didn't realize the wee little skullcaps the clergy are so fond of are actually tinfoil hats. ::tinfoil:

I say we form a torch and pitchfork posse and go whup some pontiff arse...of course if he holds a Bible over his head, we'll all be helpless. :unamused:
Sigh.
/rant.

Thistle
08-18-2009, 11:02 PM
originally I thought this was a joke, like a story "The Onion" m ight come up with. But apparently he really did say this back in March. Perchance Fluffy and Funny was not the forum to put it in. Sorry

Vixynne Rose
08-18-2009, 11:16 PM
originally I thought this was a joke, like a story "The Onion" m ight come up with. But apparently he really did say this back in March. Perchance Fluffy and Funny was not the forum to put it in. Sorry

The Onion would definitely have published something like this...wish it was a joke, then I could ratchet down my "grrrrr"-factor! ;-)

Unfortunately, I think he really did say it. *facepalms*

dubheasa
08-19-2009, 12:04 AM
I don't blame you for putting the link here first. I thought it was a joke too and then remembered that Catholics are totally against the use of condoms. There are two main ways to deter the spread of AIDS: abstinence and condoms. Since the Bible now apparently serves the same purpose as a condom, does this mean we can start using it as a contraceptive too? I mean, if it's powerful enough to kill a virus, shouldn't it also be able effectively kill sperm? But then if that happens, I guess all the Catholics out there would have to be against the Bible then too. What a catch 22 that becomes...

Just more proof that people, Pope or not, need to think BEFORE they speak... :unamused:

Azura
08-19-2009, 02:47 AM
Isn't this the same dude who denied the Holocaust ever happened or said that the Jews deserved it or something? I hope that this guy is crazy because of his Hitler's Youth upbringing, and not because he's just crazy. Also, I love the whole "we decided to say that the Pope is infallible" the Catholic church invented in 800-something AD. I was just waiting for a crazy Pope so that he'd say a bunch of things that make NO sense and the Catholic people will be like "We have to.... what??"

On the flip side, I'll never think of a Bible the same way again. And also, I'll never have sex with a Catholic. I don't want AIDS!

Isabelle Fawkes
08-19-2009, 08:32 AM
I can see why this was posted under "Fluffy and Funny" after reading some of the other articles found on this "news source."

Can you believe the following stories?

HILLARY SHOVES CIGAR INTO AFRICAN STUDENT (http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/hillary-shoves-cigar-into-african-student-200908121977/)

OH NO, HE'S RUBBISH, SAYS AMERICA (http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/oh-no%2c-he%27s-rubbish%2c-says-america-200907311946/)

NEW YORKERS TERRIFIED BY 80ft GORILLA (http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/new-yorkers-terrified-by-80ft-gorilla-200904291733/)

and my favorite...

KILLER ROBOTS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, SAY ARMY CHIEFS (http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/war/killer-robots-nothing-to-worry-about%2c-say-army-chiefs-200908051957/)

Lady Hefron
08-19-2009, 10:07 AM
While I don't doubt that the Pope said something resembling this, I truly have to question the story when it ends with this:

"Meanwhile the Vatican has issued this year's list of approved non-penetrative carnal techniques including pearl necklaces, light genital branding and something called 'Dutch steamboating'"

The Catholic Church doesn't approve of any sexual contact except for the purpose of procreation. So, I think this story is a load of crap.

BTW...does anyone know what "Dutch steamboating" is? Just curious.

Phoenix McHeit
08-19-2009, 10:49 AM
BTW...does anyone know what "Dutch steamboating" is? Just curious.

You don't really wanna know... but here's the Urban Dictionary link anyway. You've been warned.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Dutch%20steamboating
:unamused:

SilverMirth
08-19-2009, 11:02 AM
the information below was taken off the website at the "about" page ...

Launched in April 2007, the Daily Mash is a satirical website covering national and international news with spoof stories, commentary and opinion (i.e. it's all made-up and is not intended - in any way whatsoever - to be taken as factual. Hello lawyers!)."Launched in April 2007, the Daily Mash is a satirical website covering national and international news with spoof stories, commentary and opinion (i.e. it's all made-up and is not intended - in any way whatsoever - to be taken as factual. Hello lawyers!)."

Margaret
08-19-2009, 11:05 AM
Oh no. Now I have to go and look.....

Ysobelle
08-19-2009, 12:15 PM
Considering these are some of the other articles on the site, yes, i'd say it's satiric:

MOST READ RECENTLY
HUGE INCREASE IN PEOPLE WHO HAVE TOTALLY GOT SWINE FLU
CHELSEA REPORT CITY FOR ACTING LIKE CHELSEA
CONCERN GROWS OVER LACK OF PANIC
BRITISH GUY DID NOT WIN TOUR DE FRANCE
TERRY THWARTS PLAN TO BUILD TEAM OF DICKS
Your problems solved, with Holly Harper
CHINA VOWS TO DESTROY THE MOON
REPORT PROPOSES ROYAL COLLEGE OF MOUTHY, TEENAGE SKANKS
CARLA BRUNI BREAKS PRESIDENT OF FRANCE
FRENCH LAUNCH COWARDLY CHIPMUNK ATTACK
DR WHO FANS REMINDED THAT IT'S FOR CHILDREN
OH NO, HE'S RUBBISH, SAYS AMERICA
LABOUR MANIFESTO TO FOCUS ON BULLYING INJURED SOLDIERS
NEW CRACKDOWN ON ORANGE PEOPLE
CHURCH OFFERS VOODOO WATER CEREMONY TO PROTECT YOUR BASTARDS FROM SATAN



Unfortunately, the Pope's attitude is pretty much real: condoms don't work, so don't bother with them. It's horrific.

And now I'm gonna go read the Doctor Who article!



ETA: SQUEE! http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-%26-entertainment/dr-who-fans-reminded-that-it's-for-children-200907291941/

Isabelle Warwicke
08-19-2009, 12:21 PM
Meanwhile the Vatican has issued this year's list of approved non-penetrative carnal techniques including pearl necklaces, light genital branding and something called 'Dutch steamboating'.

So the Vatican has "sodomy" on it's list of OK sexual acts now? When did that rule get erased?

(Um, you can still get AIDS from buttsecks, Mr. Pope) I miss John Paul II.

Margaret
08-19-2009, 12:23 PM
Oh, I fully believe that the Pope said that the spead of AIDS could only be combated by adhearing to the traditional teachings of the Church.

I also believe that the article's interpretation that he ment to fashion pages of the Bible into some sort of barrier completly facetious.

Thistle
08-19-2009, 03:01 PM
the newspaper is a joke newspaper. And the article is satirical, and having quite the discussion over on the Snopes forums. Sorry guys, I was duped.

It has also been revealed that Pope Benedict is a Sith Lord. **shrug** wasn't so duped on that one

Lady Hefron
08-19-2009, 08:58 PM
Note to self: Next time listen to Phoenix!

Thistle
08-19-2009, 10:53 PM
wow. That urban dictionary definition of steam-boating is not half as offensive as their definition of Monkey Face. Our local ice cream shop is named Monkey Face because of the rock formation above the ren-faire. Hit the Urban Dictionary site once while trying to look up the phone number, and now want to scrub my brain clean.

Remember the days of the Purity Test? None of those things were in there

Patsy the Loomer
08-19-2009, 10:56 PM
Continuing the satire slide, I like the horoscopes, including the plot to The Bridge On/Over the River Kwai:

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
After watching your men being cruelly forced to build a strategically important railway bridge in Western Thailand by their Japanese captors you inexplicably prevent a group of your own commandos from blowing it up. However, you are then mortally wounded, and with your dying breath throw yourself onto the detonator bringing down the bridge just as the first train crosses. Do you really think that makes up for your earlier, treacherous stupidity? Piss off.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/features/horoscopes/your-astrological-week-ahead-with...-200908181993/