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View Full Version : My True Apologies - No Responses Please



daBaroness
09-10-2009, 11:14 PM
Let's have an end to this here an now.

First - I owe everyone an apology. Hindsight always being 20/20 I didn't use my best judgement in publically venting my own emotions and frustration. As has been suggested, it would have been more prudent, and certainly far less hurtful to everyone had I vented via a private message to select individuals rather than stirring up a storm of ... well, you know. I most regret that it set us all to choosing sides and turning sister upon sister. I reacted before considering all the consequences to both people I know personally and care about AND those I don't know who were put in a position to be ugly to completely uninvolved parties.

There were excellent and thought-provoking points made - and heeded throughout the thread. There were lots of points made based on assumptions and blind accusations made out of anger. I take full responsibility for the mess that has ensued and would plead with each of you not to take your disgust or disappointment with me out on other members.

I am extremely gratified that although things were said out of ignorance and justifiable anger - no one (at least that I saw) ever called anyone names or got personally ugly with someone else - at least in public. I pray that there were not any ugly IMs being passed between those who found themselves on opposite sides of the issue. If there were - you all have my profound apologies and I would ask that you make amends to one another in the same private way any harms may have been caused.

I asked Nikki if she would close the other thread to additional posts because I truly believe we've whipped enough dead horses and I don't want the additional emotional burden of causing continued strife among those here and those otherwise affected.

I do have one final thing to say however. The thing I am least proud of and that will continue to cause me pain is that my son was brought into the fray for wanting to protect me. As a point of information - he is familiar with various individuals because he's been involved with festivals nearly his entire life and it's something we enjoy doing together. He's traveled with me on numerous occasions to Texas and has some dear friends there - as do I. He was merely reacting to what he saw as a threat to me - he wasn't judging Cap'n and he didn't speak a word until after we'd passed when he asked me what was going on. Yes, he drops the "F-bomb" far too often for my liking and I could go hoarse reminding him I don't cursing, I've worked hard to clean up my foul mouth and I would appreciate his support in making our lives together cuss-free.

I am not angered at the accusations thrown at me - some are justified and correct. Others are so off base as to be laughable (in lieu of being very hurtful). But I completely understand that when tempers are raised and people are put in defensive positions not of their making - the filter comes off and assumptions become the order of the day. I think we're all like that - we don't care so much what those who don't know a whit about us or the particulars of any given situation say or think. But when people I do know, do care about and do value tell me I'm off base - I care deeply what they think and listen to what they have to say. I'm not a heartless, insensitive person - I just have my moments and believe me, I know when I'm in the wrong by the aching in the pit of my stomach. All of that is true and it doesn't matter to me if people who don't know me think I'm just overly dramatic, mean or whatever - I know when I'm sincere and so do those who know and love me.

All that said - I can take all of the criticisms and assumptions leveled at me - but I will NOT abide criticisms or assumptions of either of my sons. EVER. It's just off limits in my book. And it doesn't matter the ages of my children - they are MY CHILDREN and you just don't speak badly about someone else's kids or hold them responsible for whatever your beef with me (or their parent) is. I won't say a word in defense of myself - particularly if I'm wrong. But I will tell you in a heartbeat that whatever issues I've had rearing my sons (by myself thank you) are between them and me and not up for public scrutiny. I don't know of any parent who hasn't faced some very tough times with their children - whether it's a life-threatening health issue, a broken-hearted teen-ager issue or heart-wrenching issues of behavior, drugs, etc.

As for having respect for elders - yes, I was raised that way and I've raised my sons that way. But just because someone is older than you doesn't mean they deserve unquestioned obedience and respect. I'm fiercely proud of the fact that I've always received compliments about how thoughtful, polite and respectful my sons are. They are mixed race and as such have a combination of old-fashioned black folks respect and the Emily post-style manners I was raised with. They always include a title - either endearing or respectful to their elders - either Miss Flora, Mr. Jonas, Sister Geneva, etc. They've always had lovely manners, hold doors for others and know when to remove their hats, etc.

They also talk a lot of crap - it's a guy thing that I hate. But I'll tell you what - I know I'm as safe as I can be when my son(s) are with me. When Taylor was 10 years old I had to keep him from going up against an 18-year-old who'd physically assaulted me. My son Cameron pulled a guy off a woman - neither of whom he knew - because the guy was beating on her. He had to knock him out to get him off the woman and as much as I hate fighting - I was proud of him.

So I'm done. I profoundly regret that my rant caused so many people to be upset, angry and disappointed. And I hope no one ever again says anything that could even remotely be construed as negativity about anyone's child here.

Thank you for reading. And now to bed with me - the blessings of the first week on a new job and conquering algebra have left me devoid of brain cells for the day.