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View Full Version : Landing the helicopter parent.



Ysobelle
12-02-2009, 06:24 PM
I thought this just might strike a chord with y'all.


The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting (http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395,00.html)

Kae
12-03-2009, 08:59 AM
As a teacher, as a step parent and as an aunt - I so agree with this article on so many levels. It is really sad when you know companies are refusing to hire recent college graduates because they do not want to hear from Mom and Dad when the reviews com earound or when negotiating salaries.
Kae

LdyJhawk
12-03-2009, 05:12 PM
Oh I hope this catches on... I still get dirty looks from people for laughing when my nieces and nephews do something stupid and do a facer. Then they cry and come to me where I hug them, say "and what did we learn?" and inspect the damage. No blood, no foul. Go out there and go kiddo


I DO get a bit enraged by people who use renfaires as babysitters though. There was one couple at KCRF who would just let their four or five year old run loose because "people working there knew him" weeeell the 30,000 OTHER people there don't..OR the parents with kids out there on 110 degree days..or on 28 degree days when a baby is wearing a onesie and a little sweatsuit and that's IT

Gemdrite
12-03-2009, 09:52 PM
Oh, so many people I want to send this to, so many ways it would land me in trouble...

I was informed last year that second graders are just babies, by the child's parents. I wanted to vomit. Are they adults? No. Can I expect some accountability? Heck yeah, and I do. The things I've been told in just my short teaching career are enough to make one scream. The stories, the stories.

daBaroness
12-04-2009, 12:13 AM
My oldest went to Montessori school. There was one mother who carried her daughter into her classroom every. single. day. No big deal? The daughter was 7! You send a message to your child with that much coddling that they're not competent enough to walk.

As for the rest of the pussifying of America's children and organizations in the name of political correctness, fairness and kindness. I've got one word ... BULLSHIT.

The world isn't a kinder or gentler place. It'd definitely not a fair place. And in the words of my soldier son (referring to the NEW boot camp where soldiers get their cell phones on the weekends and the drill instructors are supposed to correct recruits in a patient and kind manner - rather than screaming and swearing at them ...) "I wouldn't want to go into combat with any of those pussies - if you get shot they'll probably call their mommies crying and leave my wounded ass to die."

And Boy Scouts? The life-saving merit badge isn't worth a crap anymore because it was deemed too dangerous to actually practice a deep-water rescue in ... water.

Betty Munro
12-07-2009, 12:50 AM
Interesting article. I'd rather a helicopter parent than an uninvolved parent. I watch the school bus pass here in the morning at 7:20. It passes again at about 4:45. After homework, dinner, household chores, etc, how much time do parents actually spend with their children? Parents are not raising their children anymore, the school district is. I say, go ahead and hover, it might be the only chance the parent has to visit with their child before the government completely takes over.

SilverMirth
12-07-2009, 08:20 AM
Interesting article. I'd rather a helicopter parent than an uninvolved parent. I watch the school bus pass here in the morning at 7:20. It passes again at about 4:45. After homework, dinner, household chores, etc, how much time do parents actually spend with their children? Parents are not raising their children anymore, the school district is. I say, go ahead and hover, it might be the only chance the parent has to visit with their child before the government completely takes over.
Speaking as someone who has a child that gets on the bus at 650 am and off at 4 pm --- nor do I consider myself a helicopter or an uninvolved parent... Sometimes those long bus rides are from necessity due to the distance the kids live from their school not because the evil big brother government overseers are taking over. Also some of those are late buses to provide kids who want to be involved in school activites the chance and a safe way home. While such long days do make it tough but not impossible to spend quality time with my kids, I make the time I do have count. So I would have to say that quantity of time is not the determining factor; it is the quality of time spent with them. Just think of all the involved non custodial parents who only have weekends with their kids to build that bond with their kid. They can make those weekends high quality even though its a limited amount of time. TYVM

Kae
12-07-2009, 08:41 AM
I agree - it is quality not quantity. A helicopter parent is just as dangerous to the upbringing of a child if not more so than an univolved one. At least with the uninvolved parents, I can have a chance of convincing the kids right from wrong and they learn that failure is part of life. In fact they learn that failure will not kill them, just give them impetus to do better. If, as a teacher, I am supposed to raise these kids - then tell the parents to back off. If as a teacher, I am supposed to inform and educate, then give me parenst who understand the difference.

One of my students said it best - Frau, you have to be sacred. Why? I asked. She responded with - We are suppoosed to vote next year. This was after a conversation about over indulged children.

Kae

LissaRoisin
12-07-2009, 11:35 AM
I am saddened by how coddled I see kids today.
I was raised in a very sheltered house, but I would not say my parents were helicopter parents (thank you!). They were very involved. And I will say that once I got to college I really let loose because I could. I wanted to see and experience a lot of things I heard about but could not try.
My parents did a lot of things right in raising us. If we failed, they asked why we failed and what we can do better next time.
When I was in college, there was one girl who started complaining because her parents wanted her to start paying for her own bus faire (she took the city bus). Her parents paid for her tuition, books, other bills, and gave her money for food. The rest of us, all of whom were paying their own way through college through work and loans and scholarships, just could not believe it. We finally told her to stop it as we would all happily pay for just bus fare.
And things like not playing dodgeball or tag because someone's feeling could get hurt? Please. Parents are too afraid and because of that so are their children. I don't want mommy and daddy stepping in for every problem. I go to them for advice, not to solve it. What happened to self-respect?
And for the quantitry vs quality time. I agree that you can see your kid onlya bit and still have quality time. My housemate has a 1 yr old that he sees when he can (they live several hours apart) and that kid is always so excited to see Daddy.
DaB - I like what your son said.

Phoenix McHeit
12-07-2009, 12:34 PM
Speaking as someone who has a child that gets on the bus at 650 am and off at 4 pm --- nor do I consider myself a helicopter or an uninvolved parent... Sometimes those long bus rides are from necessity due to the distance the kids live from their school not because the evil big brother government overseers are taking over. Also some of those are late buses to provide kids who want to be involved in school activites the chance and a safe way home. While such long days do make it tough but not impossible to spend quality time with my kids, I make the time I do have count. So I would have to say that quantity of time is not the determining factor; it is the quality of time spent with them. Just think of all the involved non custodial parents who only have weekends with their kids to build that bond with their kid. They can make those weekends high quality even though its a limited amount of time. TYVM


You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to SilverMirth again.

DANGIT!!!! Oh well, guess I'll have to settle for these guys:

:bow::bow:

Margaret
12-07-2009, 12:51 PM
Don't worry Phee - I got her already.


DANGIT!!!! Oh well, guess I'll have to settle for these guys:

:bow::bow:

Mistress Morigianna
12-07-2009, 04:16 PM
Ihave relatives who are teachers-stuff from parents/schools is insane. Don't use red pencils or an F on papers. Don't raise your voice. Don't use the word "wrong" (WTF?).

no sodas, sweets, parties, peanutbutter,homemade cupcakes, holiday decorations in the classroom. Might make them fat or offend someone.

We are producing a batch of bubble wrapped drones that can't even tie thier shoes! (really- half her class at third grade has velcro because it was too hard for them to learn bows.....)

As adults- I have had parents come to job interviews to fill out the application paper & packet and try to sit in on the interview (i said no).

I have "adults" scream and cry at me for not hireing them. Then I get a call from thier "mommy" (really? really? :flamed:)

Then I see the kids shopping with parents like last night- "I want this stuffed animal" mom says no. Then they pick up an ornament and smash it on a table- the child (like seven) says- "well now you have to pay for that-Bitch!"
I couldn't believe it- my mouth was hanging open!

SpeedKnight
12-07-2009, 07:16 PM
So, yeah... the pussification of America is killing us.
When I went to boot camp, we shot guns. They were Colt 45's modified to shoot 22's. For MONEY, not safety. "You'll shoot the 45 for quals in the fleet." And we did, until the pansy ass 9MM took over. Now, they don't shoot guns. So what you end up with, 7 out of 10 times, is some chuckle head that shows up to the fleet having never handled a gun, and we strap a 9MM to his side and tell him to guard a submarine. And he whines about it. Oh yeah... they don't tear gas the fuck sticks coming through these days, like they did when I went through. Too bad.. I wish half the ass hats that came to the sub right before I left HAD been gassed so they would have QUIT!

As for that time kids spend in school, being coddled by no red ink, no "wrong" and no "F" I have the following to say:
To send your child to public school is a choice. If you don't like the way the school works, get on the PTO or the BoE and FIX IT! Or, maybe you can flip the tab for private school. Or even still, keep your kids at home and teach 'em yourself. I haven't got the patience (sp?) to teach grown men how to run a nuclear reactor, let alone teach a dysgraphic, autistic 13yo higher math and social studies and science and literature and... get my point? I personally need help teaching my kids. Fortunately, I moved to an area where they use red ink. They give F's. They say "wrong." I like that. If they ever change it, the school board is gonn hear from me.

Gemdrite
12-07-2009, 08:51 PM
Ihave relatives who are teachers-stuff from parents/schools is insane. Don't use red pencils or an F on papers. Don't raise your voice. Don't use the word "wrong" (WTF?).
I use purple pen, just cause I like using purple pen, but I was told at one point not to use red, and I laughed at that person. We don't have A-F grades in our class, we use Outstanding, Satisfactory, and Needs Improvement (which I actually like, cause learning at this level is a lot more subjective than the older grades.) And when a parent says, "I really don't like these N's," I say, "Me either. S/he really needs to practice; do his/her homework; slow down; etc." It's really hard to get an N unless you aren't making the effort, and I *will* call you on it.


no sodas, sweets, parties, peanutbutter,homemade cupcakes, holiday decorations in the classroom. Might make them fat or offend someone. I tell my parents at the beginning of the year that I love birthday treats and I'm all about the junk-food for parties. I also tell them that they can bring fruit, but that we don't have parties that often, and I'm not going to stress about whether my kids are eating completely healthy food. It's a party, for cryin out loud. I do let parents know if there is an allergy in the classroom to avoid, but that's about it.


Today, it rained. It rains about 7 days a year, total. Non-consecutively. Not even in the same month. But every time it rains, we have parents who drive around the school to the back to drop their children off right by the classroom so their precious babies don't get wet. Most of the time, I explain that it is too dangerous to have cars back there and to please stay out front, and they are fine with that. But today, I had an UPPER grade parent drop their child off *right* next to the BACK of the school so that he wouldn't have to walk in the rain at all as he walked to the FRONT of it. And yelled (and I am not exaggerating) at me when I tried to tell him to please stay up front. Some people are just ridiculous.

Mistress Morigianna
12-08-2009, 01:54 AM
we had one day a month to celebrate the birthdays and holidays for the month at my school. worked well for us.

Selena
12-08-2009, 11:59 AM
Then I get a call from thier "mommy" (really? really? :flamed:)

I got a good story on that, too.

Try this on for size:

Most of yall know I work for the child support division for the state. Howz about getting a call from the (adult) non-custodial's MOMMY because he can't pay his court ordered support? ("why yall gotta do this to my boy?!?! Waaaaahhhhhh") Seriously. We get this all of the time. It's sickening.

Isabelle Warwicke
12-08-2009, 12:33 PM
("why yall gotta do this to my boy?!?! Waaaaahhhhhh")

I got your answer. Because your "boy" dipped his wick into a woman and landed her pregnant. It's called responsibility. Try it sometime.

Selena
12-08-2009, 12:36 PM
I got your answer. Because your "boy" dipped his wick into a woman and landed her pregnant. It's called responsibility. Try it sometime.

Oh, believe me... I'd love to say this kinda thing. However, it could cost me my job. It's tempting, though! And after being in this business for over 15 years now, I'm quite confident in saying that I've become very cynical.