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View Full Version : Never Spanking worse than a swat?



surlywench
12-30-2009, 07:22 PM
First off: to each their own parenting style. But, as a parent who *has* used spanking and gotten not only cross looks, but lectures from well-meaning family members....I really feel like making copies of this and mailing them out...

The summary is simple: a multi-year study has found (at least in it's study group) that never spanking does a kid worse than the occasional well-timed buttswatt. Spanking isn't abuse when it's used correctly (and I really, REALLY wish some people could get this thru their heads...). The difference is consistency of discipline, and not hitting in anger.

There are some comments with links to studies showing adverse effects to spanking, too. So, both sides of the coin here.

anyway, here's the link:
http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/nurtureshock/archive/2009/12/30/never-been-spanked.aspx

Phoenix McHeit
12-30-2009, 08:35 PM
I used spanking as an occasional, well-thought-out discipline method.

Those of you who've met my boys... well, I'm hard pressed to find nicer, sweeter, more considerate, more well-adjusted, more loving, comfortable in their own skin, sure of their self-worth and place in this world teenaged boys. I still get voluntary hugs and kisses - In Public!!! - from all of them. Daily.

Parent is a Verb... means ya kinda gotta DO something with your children once in awhile. And that means taking a firm hand when they inevitably screw up. If you do it right, you won't have to do it often.

Lady Hefron
12-30-2009, 08:52 PM
I never thought that spanking was a bad idea. When used correctly it is an effective form of discipline.

surlywench
12-30-2009, 10:37 PM
I used spanking as an occasional, well-thought-out discipline method.

Those of you who've met my boys... well, I'm hard pressed to find nicer, sweeter, more considerate, more well-adjusted, more loving, comfortable in their own skin, sure of their self-worth and place in this world teenaged boys. I still get voluntary hugs and kisses - In Public!!! - from all of them. Daily.

Parent is a Verb... means ya kinda gotta DO something with your children once in awhile. And that means taking a firm hand when they inevitably screw up. If you do it right, you won't have to do it often.


Your kids are teh awesome. But then, that follows since you are also made of awesome. Just sayin.

LV Wench
12-30-2009, 11:47 PM
Ahmen sisters!!

Cyranno DeBoberac
12-31-2009, 12:08 AM
Spanking isn't abuse when it's used correctly

:mmph: :mmph: :mmph:

daBaroness
12-31-2009, 01:26 AM
I wholeheartedly agree - true spanking (a couple of swats on the buttocks or thighs with an open hand) is a good thing. I got more than a few growing up and have never felt abused or emotionally tortured because of them. I knew why I was getting them and when I engaged in whatever behavior or activity lead to the spanking, I took a calculated risk that I wouldn't be caught and found out my parents were often not as stupid and ignorant as I'd thought. I've also swatted my own sons' behinds on more than one occasion and wish I could do so with my 18-year-old some days.

I've long felt that in-school suspension is stupid; out-of-school suspension stupider still when a few whacks with the "board of education" by the vice principal seemed to be the best punishment AND deterrant when I was in high school. We didn't need no stinkin' armed police officers on campus - we had Dr. Manning. I once saw him grab one of the big, obnoxious, mouthy jocks by both shoulders - lift him a good 9"-12" off the ground, slam him into some lockers and in front of G-d and everyone say, "Mr. Blane - I don't like your mouth, your attitude or your behavior - I think we need to schedule a meeting in my office ... NOW. Why don't you go ahead of me and make yourself uncomfortable for our meeting?!" As I remember, Mr. Brad Blane wasn't nearly as obnoxious, verbal and nasty to anyone after that. And he didn't miss a day or even a full hour of class. Oh - and I think his parents put him on some stern punishment as well after the call from Dr. Manning.

Oh - and did I mention the Dr. Manning's son attended our school and was a very well-behaved boy. (Must have sucked for him ... hehehehe)

MaidenFaeSnow
12-31-2009, 06:46 AM
I used spanking as an occasional, well-thought-out discipline method.

Those of you who've met my boys... well, I'm hard pressed to find nicer, sweeter, more considerate, more well-adjusted, more loving, comfortable in their own skin, sure of their self-worth and place in this world teenaged boys. I still get voluntary hugs and kisses - In Public!!! - from all of them. Daily.

Parent is a Verb... means ya kinda gotta DO something with your children once in awhile. And that means taking a firm hand when they inevitably screw up. If you do it right, you won't have to do it often.

And I was blown away the first time hugs came my way in public from them! True gentlemen.

I only used occassional light swats (never anything that would be painful) to my Nikki. I have to say though, when she was little it was a VERY rare occassion that did anything to require more than a stern look. I was very lucky. I've seen other people's children who couldn't go five minutes without needing discipline. I just never agreed with intentionally causing pain to get what I wanted out of my kid. While I understand spanking and the need for it (properly used) I think far too many people take it over the line.

LissaRoisin
12-31-2009, 08:36 AM
I got the occassional swat growing up. My younger brother got many more. My brother is a guy who looks tough but is real sweetheart and will do anything he can to protect you. He has admitted that he needed the spankings growing up because for him. only physical punishment really got through to him, and he has thanked them for it. I plan on using spanking as a form of punishment when applicable when I have children as well.
Spanking only becomes a problem when the parents loses control of their temper and it's no longer a form of punishment but an act of aggression.

Jamianne
12-31-2009, 08:46 AM
I remember getting spanked a handful of times growing up. And to be honest, I deserved every one of them.

We've spanked Gwydion. It's only for specific things - all safety related. When he pulls away and runs in our driveway, parking lots, or anyplace else there's traffic; when he continues to play with things like power cords or electrical outlets; when he continues to try to climb someplace dangeous. Except for the traffic thing, he's also warned before we spank and he's told that he will get a spanking if he continues. If he runs away from us when there's traffic, he gets a swat as soon as we grab him again, there's no leeway there - and he hasn't even tried it in quite a while.

Ravin' Raven
12-31-2009, 11:37 AM
1) yes Phee's boyz are Teh Awesome. Of course when I get hugs I am completely enveloped at this point! AND if one walks up and wants his mom's attention, he politely waits until someone finishes talking and he is acknowledged!
2) MFS - I can see that a good look would have worked for you because **gasp** your daughter actually knew who the boss was growing up - you wouldn't have let her run the house like so many kids these days seem to do.

Although I was never spanked it was because THE look worked because I knew who was the boss.

My mother had a favorite saying (as she looked UP at us) "There are three truths in this world you need to remember: There are chairs. There are baseball bats. I AM the mother."

Bronya
12-31-2009, 01:32 PM
Growing up in the 50's I got spanked..with my Dad's hand. I knew that it was a last resort and that it hurt like hell so I tried not to get them. I also spanked the Princess once in a while and she is fine and actually agrees with spanking and she is a Child Abuse detective! I also believe in Corparal punishment but that is a whole other thread. As we all have to be PC about every little thing we say or do, we, as in the USA, have just let most of our standards and rights and just plain common sense be taken away. If more people made their kids behave and understand there are repercussions for bad behavior, we wouldn't have all these little brats runnng amoke up and down the aisle of the store or hanging over the seat back and screaming at a restaurant.

WenchLadyKate
12-31-2009, 01:33 PM
I'd mouth off and get a smack on the mouth. I'd do something stupid and get a smack on the butt... From my mom.

My gramma, on the other hand, would come after me and my cousin with the wooden spoon. lol My cousin would yell, "SPOON" and we'd both take off. She'd crack whoever she'd catch first, no matter who did what. We'd hide out in the blackberry tree or behind the retaining wall. To this day, I can't even look at a wooden spoon without remembering the sting.

Can't say it didn't work though. Now, I wish someone would have smacked me around back in the 90's when I was getting myself into some serious trouble.

Jamianne
12-31-2009, 01:43 PM
My father slapped me in the face once. I think I was about 7 and had repeated something an older kid had said. I don't even remember what it was anymore, but it must have been a curse or something pretty bad. He split my lip and it was swollen for a few days. But I'll never forget the look of horror on his face as soon as he had done it. I don't think he ever even spanked me after that.

When I was 11 my mom took a belt to my bare butt. *That* I would argue bordered on abuse because it left some pretty nasty welts and it wasn't just one or two hits - it was nearly a dozen.

Though looking back on it, both times I was struck out of anger and I don't think either of them ever hit me again after that last one. I should be thankful that they recognized the difference between anger and discipline and were able to stop before it crossed the line.

LdyJhawk
12-31-2009, 03:00 PM
OH my mom had the tip of three fingers and she'd catch you right on the thigh...god that sting was enough of a deterrent for me!

My brother, as a toddler, had a biting problem. He bit my mom one time too many and she picked him up and bit him right back. Turns out, when he realized biting HURTS he stopped doing it.


Now, I had someone tell me whacking a kid on the back of the hand when they reached for something dangerous was abusive. I should let children grow and mature through exploration. OK but I prefer to do that without stitches or skin grafts involved

Betty Munro
12-31-2009, 03:47 PM
Oh my, but what a perfect world it would be if children didn't need a spanking once in a while.
But it isn't a perfect word, is it?

Gemdrite
12-31-2009, 04:14 PM
OH my mom had the tip of three fingers and she'd catch you right on the thigh...god that sting was enough of a deterrent for me!

My brother, as a toddler, had a biting problem. He bit my mom one time too many and she picked him up and bit him right back. Turns out, when he realized biting HURTS he stopped doing it.


Now, I had someone tell me whacking a kid on the back of the hand when they reached for something dangerous was abusive. I should let children grow and mature through exploration. OK but I prefer to do that without stitches or skin grafts involved
And that's exactly it. We as human beings tend to learn not to do things because it hurts us. We don't put our hands in fire because it's hot. We leave relationships that emotionally hurt us (usually.) That's how we learn. So if a child runs out into the road without looking or permission, I would much rather see the pain of the lesson learned through a spanking than getting hit by a car.

Ariel
01-02-2010, 10:48 AM
I've got a kind of different situation. My fiance had to put a no corporal punishment clause in the custody agreement with his ex to prevent his daughters' stepfather from hurting them. No one is allowed to lay a hand on the girls in punishment. I have no problem with this because of the history involved, which I don't want to get into. Luckily, my fiance has primary residential custody of the girls, which means they only visit their mother every other weekend.

Anyway, we've had to be creative in coming up with other forms of punishment. The girls aren't really bad, so time-outs seem to be effective and, of course, taking away whatever toy they're fighting over. They're only 4 and 6 right now, so I'm hoping that establishing whose the boss and sticking to strict rules will help when they get older and start thinking about getting into real trouble. ;-)