View Full Version : I don't understand

Saucy Sue
02-17-2010, 05:53 PM
This afternoon I received an email from a friend. It said that he couldn't take the pain any more and that by the time we all read this, he would be gone. He has terminal pancreatic cancer. He has had all the treatments that he could possibly have and it did nothing to stop the cancer.

The email made me sad but I could understand his choice. He was only given a couple of weeks to live and he was in great pain.

What I don't understand is why my bosses (who are also friends with him) called EMS and rushed over to where he was staying and prevented him from following through with his plan. I don't agree with suicide but under the circumstances I could understand his choice.

02-17-2010, 06:14 PM
I agree that if he truly wants to die on his terms, he should be allowed to.

As for your bosses....often people assume that when people send a note like that, it is actually a cry for help. I am sure that they meant well.

lady Amalthea
02-17-2010, 07:06 PM
I am a suicide survivor, as they term it. my step father ended his life about 8 years ago. He gave no indication about what he was going to do. after we discovered his body, we found a list of all his accounts and insurance information so my mom and I could take care of things. No reason, no apologies, just business. In my mind and in my own opinion, if someone is going to commit suicide, they will do it. If i were to receive a note like that I would probably do what your bosses did.

While I agree with what your saying that it is his choice and his situation, the fact that his sent the email and was still alive when EMS got there says something to me. Even when rushing it takes EMS a little while to reach somewhere, he had time to die if he truly wanted to.

I am so sorry about your friend and his pain. But in my opinion no matter what suicide is not an answer.

Lady Hefron
02-17-2010, 07:56 PM
I'm very sorry about your friend and the pain he and you are feeling. I agree with you that he should be allowed to die on his own schedule if that is what he wants.

But, I also believe that what your bosses did was exactly right. If I had received this email I would have done the same thing. This is based on the "cry for help" theory, that more times than not is true.

I hope that you and your friend can obtain some kind of peace. My prayers for both of you.

02-17-2010, 09:12 PM
Another thought occurred to me....if your bosses hadn't reacted the way they did, maybe they could have been somehow held responsible if they did nothing since they got the email. I mean if Doctor Kevorkian can be held responsible for assisting in people's suicides (granted he did more than just have knowledge of intent), then can't someone who knows that someone is going to kill themselves and does nothing be held responsible? Legally or even at least be sued in civil court by family members?

02-17-2010, 09:48 PM
I agree with the notion that if someone is bent on suicide - they won't show signs of it and they won't tell anyone.

I also agree that suicide solve anyone's problems and that when people are so desperately down that they threaten - it is indeed a cry for help. I think what it really is though, is a cry for affirmation that our passing with have meaning to those we love. I know I've been so depressed I've considered suicide thinking I was such a burden and a waste that no one would miss me and indeed would be relieved. I know now, especially as a parent, that losing a loved one is perhaps the greatest emotional pain we can experience - and the thoughts of a loved one taking their own life only adds exponentially to that pain.

I know that people endure unimaginable pain for even a bit more time with loved ones and indeed have to be assured that those remaining will be OK upon their passing. Such is the power of love - that is can cause us to endure through so many trials, tribulations and pains.

Blessings and grace to all of those who've hung on just another day for the sake of their family and loved ones.

02-17-2010, 11:37 PM
You have my sympathy. The hard part is, its not our place to understand. If he survives, all you can do is hold his hand and be there for him. If he does not, the best you can do is the same. What a hard, hard thing he must be going through, and such a hard, hard thing for those who care for him. Stay strong.

Isabelle Warwicke
02-18-2010, 01:59 AM
If I hadn't responded to a similar email that my brother sent out, he would be dead now. I think I made the right choice. I know I made the right choice.

I'm sorry for your friends pain and hope he finds peace.

Annabella St. Clair
02-18-2010, 10:11 PM
The bosses did the right thing. I'm a mandatory reporter for child abuse and neglect but I've had to call the local police when a father of some of my case kids threatened to "end it all". Yes, he has cancer and I feel for him but sending out that email and the level of pain he's in, would make anyone react to calling for help. Pain can make people not be in their right minds.

Taffy Saltwater
02-19-2010, 10:12 AM
As a survivor of metastasized - to pelvis & lower spine - cancer, I can only tell you that I am truly sorry that he is suffering. Only someone who's been in that kind of pain knows what it does to you. I used to pray when I woke up to just let me die. There are a lot worse things than death.

I understand why your bosses reacted like they did. I also understand that he is in the pain place and death will be a sweet release. Is he in hospice care? Maybe he can be sedated until he passes. Perhaps his final care assistant can counsel him.

Again, I am so sorry that he is in pain. God be with you all.

Ravin' Raven
02-19-2010, 06:54 PM
I agree that your bosses probably did what they did because they thought it was their morale and probably legal responsibilities.

But I will whole heartedly until the day I die affirm anyone's right to end their own life with dignity and I think it is a crying shame that this country does not support sound medical care in this arena. He shouldn't have been HAVING to try to do this himself. Hell I can put my dog out of her misery but a human about whom I care can't have the same dignity?

Annabella St. Clair
02-20-2010, 11:14 PM
The thing about his email/letter is that it puts other people into his choice. Fine, make a choice, but don't involve others into it where they have to make a moral or ethical choice for the person. Do what you have to do but don't involve others.