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The 6th Rogue
04-05-2010, 12:01 PM
So...here's a question.

As most of you know I'm a dad. My rambunctious and happily active year and a half son loves to run. This little dude can haul ass when he's in the mood to. On Friday he was running along the sidewalk and took a header ending in a champion grade face plant. He's got road rash on his forehead, nose and upper lip. He was a sad little boy the rest of the day and when he saw himself in the mirror Saturday and Sunday his usual ever present smile vanished until he was playing again.

I haven't posted anything about it on facebook nor anywhere else out of concern that some self authorized ass hat is going to mention this to child services. My kid got a big set of booboos doing what kids are supposed to: running around outside and enjoying his little self. He's scratched up good but otherwise fine, there was a career EMT right there that looked him over and said there was no sign of concussion or anything to worry about and made sure his cuts were cleaned and disinfected and he's healing up fast and fine.

Now...here's my question: am I being over paranoid about the uninvited involvement of others about this?

As far as his mother and I are concerned there's no issue really since it was just part of the learning curve and we're raising him as a "free range baby" so that he'll actually be able to leave the house before he's 35 and survive out in the world.

Thoughts? Opinions? Personal Examples?

Lady Sarah
04-05-2010, 12:17 PM
No, you're not paranoid - we, as a society, have taken a champion grade (as you've called it) BELLY FLOP into the mantra that it takes a village to raise a child. Whether or not we're needed in raising Joe Neighbor's kid, we feel it's our business to stick our noses in and get in another parent's business. Often it has a detrimental effect.

One only has to look back at the news story about a woman calling child services on a mother for spanking her child in a grocery store if you want proof of that. Had my parents had their kids in this day and age, I'd be a product of the foster system for all the spankings I got as a kid. I needed them, but some overzealous do-gooder sticking his/her nose in would have made my parents' life hell.

Glad to hear the tyke's OK.

Margaret
04-05-2010, 12:23 PM
I think you may be a wee bit paranoid about it, however I understand why.

Most parents understand kids, and while you may get a few "Oh dear! What happened!" type comments, I don't think there will be too many people secretly dialing Protective Services.

We survived Shorty's "fall down" years without one call from PS, so you should be fine.

Poor bitty. Hope the Easter Bunny was extra nice to him!

Bronya
04-05-2010, 12:23 PM
In the 70's when my daughter was a toddler, she had her share of stitiches and cuts, bruises etc. Even back then, the Dr took note of them all. It is sad now that we have to worry even more. I had my 8 mo old grandson last weekend and he took a header and eneded up in the ER fow a 1.5 inch gash under his eyebrow. His Mom is a child abuse detective and even she worried about this incident. There is a difference between abuse and normal "wear and tear" that kids go through. I wish we could just let them be kids! I posted all the gory details on my FB about Luke's first scar! Let 'em call me! Hpe you son is healing well.

Lady Hefron
04-05-2010, 12:41 PM
Maybe just a touch paranoid, but in this day and age, not surprising. It's so good to hear that "free range" children are still being raised. I have several small scars that were earned climbing trees, riding bikes and generally playing outdoors.

Hope the little one is not too boobooed up.

Mistress_Autumn
04-05-2010, 01:11 PM
And this is why I take care of all my kids' small "owies" by myself.

Not because I'm afraid that someone will call CPS... but because they have!

I was investigated when Angel broke her arm on a trampoline at 3 years old. I was investigated when my kids kept passing around a cold. I was investigated when Anna refused to talk. I was investigated when Angel got pissed off that I wouldn't give her a treat before she left for school one morning. I was investigated when Alex kept getting his legs caught in his crib slats. I was investigated because my kids are all in the 25th percentile for weight... even though they've -always- been in the 25th percentile.

I was even investigated when I reported the school for not bothering to send my daughter to the nurse when she started running a 103 degree fever in class because I obviously sent her to school when she was sick. (Despite the fact that she was perfectly fine that morning and only started getting sick at school.)

It always ends in a report of "no cause", but the hoops that have to be jumped through to get the record straight are just ridiculous and I'm always afraid that I'll lose my kids because someone else is pissed at me.

The 6th Rogue
04-05-2010, 01:22 PM
I'm always afraid that I'll lose my kids because someone else is pissed at me.

I'm more afraid of the jail time I'll have for what I'll do to anyone that tries to take my son from my wife and me.

I agree that the village raising the child isn't a bad idea but, sadly, we seem to have a much higher percentage of village idiots these days. Like a majority percentage.

renren
04-05-2010, 07:41 PM
I've *so* been where you're at, my oldest tripped and skinned her face, and them got a beesting.... in the same 2 day stretch! So, not only did she have a BIG scrape, but one eye was swollen! We didn't go too many places, but, looking back on it, I don't think I should've let it stop me.

Gemdrite
04-05-2010, 09:25 PM
I don't blame you one bit for being concerned that someone would do something stupid, but I wonder, do you have people on your Facebook profile that you don't trust? What I mean is, I feel pretty confident that the people who can see my profile know me well enough that they wouldn't report me for abusing a kid if, say, one of my students got injured. If you can't say that about the people who can see your profile, then it was probably safer not to say anything. If you feel confident that the people who can see your profile know you and wouldn't do that, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. Many of my friends (parents in my school too) post pictures of the awesome headers and injuries their kids end up with. I have to report suspicions of abuse because I'm a mandated reporter, but it would take some pretty constant serious beatings before I'd be thinking abuse. I see how my kids play at recess and after school. It's a miracle they aren't all in casts, some days!

The 6th Rogue
04-05-2010, 09:46 PM
Gem - good points.

If there's one constant in my life it's how people surprise me. Sadly the percentage of disappointing surprises still well out weigh the percentage of good ones.

BTW - I seem to have sired Wolverine. The kid's healing powers are surprising me in very good ways. He's already loosing some of the scabs on the cuts to show healthy pink skin underneath and all the bruising is already gone. This kid makes me so happy in so many ways, I don't know how I survived before I was a dad.

Gemdrite
04-05-2010, 09:51 PM
When I was three, I was jumping on my parents' four post bed, slipped, and hit my face on a solid wood ball that made up the end of the posts. The next day I had a doctor's appointment, and a bruise the size of almost half my face. My mom told the doctor what had happened, but he asked me as well, and apparently, without even looking up or hesitating, I said, "My mom hit me." My doctor trusted my mom and nothing ever came of it, but these days? I'd probably have been in foster care by middle school, if not right then and there.

Phoenix McHeit
04-05-2010, 09:52 PM
This kid makes me so happy in so many ways, I don't know how I survived before I was a dad.

This brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful. :smooch:

Stolenhalo6
04-05-2010, 10:27 PM
I think it's best to error on the side of caution in all cases. I don't have kids, but I know too many people who had nosey nelly neighbors reporting things willy nilly.

As a side note, since you are raising a free range munchkin - from someone who has had serious road rash - Those gausey bandages, even the ones that claim they don't stick, will stick like mad to badly oozing rashes and pull off any scabs that are forming. It sounds crazy, but for the first two or three days a women's panty linner (the non-sticky side down! and use an unscented one) works like magic. Just be sure to cover it with an acutal bandage so people won't make fun of your injured kid. A little trick if you every have problems with the regular bandages. I've had to use this numerous times over the years...

Lady Hefron
04-06-2010, 09:56 AM
This brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful. :smooch:

Ditto here.

Tink
04-06-2010, 03:35 PM
I understand why you'd be a bit paranoid about it, since there do seem to be people out there who would assume the worst before considering the more likely...

Kids fall down. They get bruises, scrapes, sometimes they even break something. It's all part of childhood. I certainly got my lumps growing up....all of my own doing.

However you aren't alone in your concern, I think most new parents worry about the same thing....especially when it's a visible injury to a place like the face because it's so noticeable.

Mistress Morigianna
04-06-2010, 04:04 PM
What i don't get is CPS will come harass regular parents in a heartbeat but we have called on the druggies down the street many times about the kids in danger (I won't go into what we have seen- its terrifiying) and they never come out.

The 6th Rogue
04-07-2010, 11:27 AM
Thanks ladies!

Margaret
04-07-2010, 12:12 PM
My 6 year old nephew just broke his arm a few days ago. So far, no CPS

He was doing what boys do best - jumping off of something he should not have been :-D

Isabelle Warwicke
04-07-2010, 02:30 PM
He was doing what boys do best - jumping off of something he should not have been :-D

Boys aren't the only ones who are good at that. (I never broke anything though, I bounced too well.)

Conall Crow
04-07-2010, 03:24 PM
I have to agree with you on this one.. A friend's daughter was babysitting a neighbors kid one night. The mother was going to pick up the kid the next morning since it was going to be a late work night. With no mom showing up the next morning, no answer at her home, and no answer to phone calls n voice mail. Friends went down the phone list and finally got ahold of the mom's mother. Grandma came right away to pick up the child and stayed with them while waiting for mom. 48 hours after leaving the kid with my friend's daughter, mom finally showed up. She then kicked Grandma out and was upset that she had gotten involved. After this incident, the child was left alone at various times. Or with a different baby sitter for extended periods of time. It was also found out that the mom was actually out of work and going who knows where. When CPS was called and informed of what was happening.. They said they would take down the information but couldn't actually do anything until one of her own family members calls them. Yet we here the stories about CPS becoming involved when a stranger claims someone did something questionable to their kid.


What i don't get is CPS will come harass regular parents in a heartbeat but we have called on the druggies down the street many times about the kids in danger (I won't go into what we have seen- its terrifiying) and they never come out.

wendyzski
04-08-2010, 03:31 AM
He was doing what boys do best - jumping off of something he should not have been :-D

Another in the "not just boys" camp. That's how I broke my collarbone when I was 3. It was a swivel chair, and it swiveled.

Margaret
04-08-2010, 09:57 AM
::Knock wood::

You know - I have made it through 43 years of life and have not broken anything as of yet. :thumbsup:

Kids get hurt in stupid ways all the time no matter if they have "good" or "bad" parents. They are kids. Adluts as well - we just can't help it.

However, I think part of the trend in the random calls to CPS and things that are going on in my own profession (I work with developmentally disabled adults) is that SOMEONE has to be responsible. There are no such things as "accidents" any more.

*Gasp* Your son was running around and took a header. Why weren't you watching him closer. Your daughter fell off a swivel chair?! Why didn't you fix the chair so that it did not swivel?

We have lost a couple of very good case managers because of this. My clients all have a yearly plan of service (POS) - it's set up by the client and his/her support people to discuss goals for the coming year. Now, because folks with DD have a traditionally higher rate of death from chocking, every single person now has a line in their POS about "monitor for choking when eating". Even if they have no history of scarfing their food down/not chewing/swallowing issues. If the person chokes and that little phrase is not in their POS, the case manager who wrote it can be personally sued. One of my favorite case managers said before she left; "You can't plan for every accident that may happen to a person or for everything they might do."

We are just trying too hard to protect ourselves from ourselves.

Saucy Sue
04-08-2010, 02:09 PM
I understand that CPS caseworkers have a tough job to do but I am still pissed about my experience with them when my daughter was in kindergarten. But my anger is not at the caseworker it is at the teacher who reported me.

My daughter (who is almost 22 now) had a very active imagination. She was fascinated with people with broken bones and really wanted to break something so that she too could have a cast. One day she put an ACE bandage and a bandana in her bag for school. After I dropped her off, she wrapped her arm up and made a sling with the bandana. The substitute teacher asked her what happened. She told the teacher that I had broken her arm because she wouldn't come to the table to eat lunch. This teacher reported me. Now I understand that they have an obligation to report abuse. My problem was that this woman did not ask any of the other teachers about my child and any history there might have been, didn't send the child to the nurse to be looked at, didn't even let administration know what she was doing. What really amazed me was the fact that there was a caseworker at my daughter's day care that same day!! You hear all those stories about kids dying from the abuse they get every day and the reports have been sitting on someone's desk for weeks and I got someone that same day!!! The people at the day care thought that it was a joke when CPS said they were there to investigate me.

Everything turned out okay but I had to have a long talk with my daughter about the stories she told.

Phoenix McHeit
04-08-2010, 02:41 PM
Aww hell, most of you know I have 4 boys. 4 very rambunctious, 'all-boy' boys. Football, bike stunts, skateboarding, brotherly love, anything and everything. I count myself lucky - and knock like crazy on any nearby wood - that I've *only* had 2 broken arms in the bunch. So far.

But yeah, the first one I did get the sideways glance when I explained what happened instead of letting him tell it. Hell, he was 5 yrs old, scared and in pain. He didn't wanna talk to no stranger!

Adriana Rose
04-08-2010, 10:15 PM
My little nephew who is gonna be 5 at the end of the month has had more trips to the ER than my sister and I combined! He is a very very busy kiddo, he's taken headers off high chairs in resturants, bailed out of shopping carts, whacked into banisters resulting in a black eye and still no action from the boneheaded human service office up here and we live in a very small town.

I thank the stars that my little one who is 2 and a half seems to be content to watch cousin beat the peas outta him self and take the easier way.

There is no problem with paranoia all it takes is a clueless busy body to make things bad

Blue Pixie
04-08-2010, 11:06 PM
Well at my house- Red is known as the 'bubble child' because she has had some of the weirdest accidents every. Hell she has been know to run into walls- I've seen it personally. She has fallen off the front steps- and she was in her teens. We joke that if she didn't pull the same shit at school as she did at home- we would have social services at the front door!

The 6th Rogue
04-08-2010, 11:48 PM
substitute teacher

That should have closed the case right there. I'm not saying they're all like that but every sub I ever had was dumb as a wet bag of hammers to the point that they didn't know they were that dumb...but the rest of us knew.


Football, bike stunts, skateboarding, brotherly love, anything and everything.!

My wife is one of four. The only girl and the eldest. I had a hint of what she grew up with when the youngest of the four (who just turned 29) whalluped her in the face with a bullet passed football. It rang her bell but she had enough experience to whip it back at him right after he dropped his guard to ask if she was alright. I figured she'd of lost some teeth or at least bled from the impact (she has 2 gorillas and an orangutan for sibs) but she was fine. He whined like a beotch though. ;-)




I thank the stars that my little one who is 2 and a half seems to be content to watch cousin beat the peas outta him self and take the easier way.

LOL! That one just made my night. I gotta remember "beat the peas outta" for later use.


all it takes is a clueless busy body to make things bad

A-fuckin-men. That's my whole point right there. Lord Darwin take them away!!!

Sheri
04-12-2010, 10:47 AM
I've been reading this thread with interest as I too have children who seem to have more then their share of bumps and bruises and the Oh No thoughts that come after.

My oldest fell at the age of 3, while running on some gravel in DC. Face planted right on it which resulted in torn and bloody chin, nose and forehead. No one batted an eye.

My oldest tripped my 3rd child resulting in 3rd child breaking his collar bone.

Oldest child attempted a skateboard trick which resulted in stitches.

Kids #2 & 3 were scratched and bitten by family dogs that required stitching. Both were result of just playing with the dog that got a bit out of hand.

Kid #3 was jumping between beds at a hotel, slipped and hit the table in the middle resulting in a black eye.

My daughter tripped and fell over the cat while walking through a doorway, resulting in a broken elbow. That one got me a few looks from the Dr, but nothing came of it. She was 4 at the time. He was laying in the doorway, she went to step over him, and he decided to move just as she did.

Same daughter broke her ankle jumping on a trampoline with her cousin and little brother.

We've had our share of bruises, very few broken bones thankfully <so far just an elbow and collar bone> and a handful of stitches. But with 5 kids it's to be expected.

None of them resulted in child protective services. Until we moved to a new house. The moving truck broke down on the way, but we managed to get the kids mattresses out so they'd have a place to sleep at the new place.

We had CPS called on us because the children were sleeping on the floor. Once the workers got there and saw the mattresses they just shook their head and sighed as it was acceptable for how they were sleeping, thankfully it was found ungrounded. But sheesh. All those bumps and bruises and we get called because of where the kids sleep? :sigh:

Sadly parents today have reason to be paranoid, there's too many idiots out there who feel if it isn't done their way, then it's not done right and something must be done about it.

The 6th Rogue
04-12-2010, 10:06 PM
We had CPS called on us because the children were sleeping on the floor. Once the workers got there and saw the mattresses they just shook their head and sighed as it was acceptable for how they were sleeping, thankfully it was found ungrounded. But sheesh. All those bumps and bruises and we get called because of where the kids sleep? :sigh:

Sounds like you moved to the wrong neighborhood.



Sadly parents today have reason to be paranoid, there's too many idiots out there who feel if it isn't done their way, then it's not done right and something must be done about it.

We need those idiots rounded up and sent to the re-education camps immediately.

Margaret
04-12-2010, 10:16 PM
We need those idiots rounded up and sent to the re-education camps immediately.

Where the mantra is; "It's not my business. It's not my business"

Mistress Morigianna
04-13-2010, 01:56 AM
why was someone spying on you when you had just moved in- GEEZE
we spent several nights in sleeping bags when our van didn't come as children and we never died- It was fun!

Sheri
04-13-2010, 12:08 PM
Actually I doubt our neighbors ever knew, however the same can't be said for my 3 oldest stepmom. Apparently they went to Dads were telling him about the new house and it came out that when the truck broke and we couldn't get everything to the house, they had to sleep on the floor.

Kids being kids only tell some of the story, but it was enough to have someone, and it's never been proven it was her but it also wasn't proven it wasn't her, decide there was truth in what the kids said and called.

Course this is the same person who swore the children never ever lied to her and so everything they say must be pure gold. :snort: Yeah right.

Quite laughable once the social workers got there and were shaking their head, not so laughable when we got the phone call about it. Course even at that point the worker knew it was bogus but they had to come out anyway.

Ahhh step families, gotta love them, because we sure can't kill them.

Stolenhalo6
04-13-2010, 10:02 PM
because we sure can't kill them.

Well.......... We need to find an alternative then.......

surlywench
04-14-2010, 11:23 PM
Chiming in with everyone else who's said a smidge paranoid, but totally understandable. Eowyn gave herself a first rate bloodied nose on a gravel parking lot one day during the end of a day's hike. And my friend's son managed to give himself a whopper of a black eye during a run-in with a glass coffee table corner one day @ grandma's - just in time for his 2nd birthday, no less.

Kids damage themselves, it happens. We can't wrap them in bubbles, ffs - some people dont understand that :(

daBaroness
04-21-2010, 11:34 PM
Chiming in late here. I just find it sad that there's so much pressure to make it such a sanitary world for kids - certainly doesn't prepare them for life IMHO. It just seems to be the way the pendulum is swinging. Even my son Cameron, who is being medically retired from the Army on May 6 talks about how much the Army has changed while he's been in. His view is that the Army is becoming "pussified" with rules about cursing seeming to be more important than teaching guys how to survive in a combat situation.

Me? I dunno - I think the fact we all survived to adulthood despite skinned knees, blisters, broken arms, dirty fingernails and poison ivy would indicate that wounds we received were probably pretty good life lessons - even in NOT what to do.

The 6th Rogue
04-22-2010, 12:12 PM
I think this is still fall out from the hippie and peace movements of the '60's. All this "everybody has to treat each other nice" bullshit has stripped us of our ability to dope slap the people that desperately need it and to remind nosy asshats that it would be best for them to keep their noses out of our asses unless they like ending up in a steamer trunk in a dark basement.

Don't get me wrong: I look out for my son like someday he will save the Earth from the Giant Alien Space Bats but all the same I'm not happy that I have only one eye to dedicate to watching him while the other has to watch all the potential fuckwads that think they have the idea that reporting me to the authorities for fictional issues will make the world a better place.

I've felt that anyone that makes such an accusation should go under the same spot light as the parent(s) and child their making the accusation against. I'm sure a lot more skeletons will fall out of the accuser's closet in many cases.

Phoenix McHeit
04-22-2010, 12:23 PM
This whole 'it takes a village' mentality has it's good points... like having the neighbors send the kiddo home when it's getting dark, or having a neighbor wash up a skinned knee because kiddo is 2 blocks from home... but it has been twisted and mutated into everyone feeling the "need" to stick their noses where they don't belong. It's draining, and it doesn't help the fabric of the community, it tears it apart.

Phoenix McHeit
04-22-2010, 12:24 PM
I've felt that anyone that makes such an accusation should go under the same spot light as the parent(s) and child their making the accusation against. I'm sure a lot more skeletons will fall out of the accuser's closet in many cases.

I LOVE THIS IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!

The 6th Rogue
04-22-2010, 12:34 PM
This whole 'it takes a village' mentality has it's good points...


I'd agree with you except for one little problem: it seems most villages have a much higher percentage of the population vying for the job of village idiot these days. ;)

MillieWylde
04-22-2010, 01:52 PM
My opinion on the "sterilized world" for kids issue is based on my cousin's experience: she (and her husband) have somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 sheep & goats, 25 cattle, 2 donkeys, a llama, more than 300 different birds of various types (chickens to doves to peacocks, last time I saw) ... and three kids. Not only do the kids love being around the animals, whether or not they're messy smelly dirty etc ... but the kids never got sick until they got to middle school. Talk about immune systems!

::sunny::

If you're never exposed to the bacteria/viruses/etc, your body cannot form the necessary antigens to fight them. So let the kid get dirty. If they scrape a shin, wash it off and let them go back out, if they want. (Just don't let 'em play on the garbage dump next door, if your neighbors are like some that I've had. :grumpy:)

Gemdrite
04-22-2010, 04:21 PM
It's not even just getting reported to CPS, it's the lawsuits too, that you have to keep an eye out for. For example, I had to have parents sign permission forms so that I can put neosporin on a bandaid before putting it on a kid. If they don't sign, I could get sued for doing it. We technically aren't allowed to take out bee stings or splinters either. Tell that to the poor kid who got stung. (We do it anyways, cause we like to live on the edge ;-).) Common sense is unfortunately not so common any more...it's been murdered by greed and entitlement.

Kyrera
04-22-2010, 05:43 PM
Coincidentally, I just sat through a 2 hour meeting regarding Mandatory Reporting. ei- I can be sued if I so much as suspect anything and don't report. It's a fine line between protecting kids and protecting yourself ::tinfoil: