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rosefaeries
05-13-2010, 08:21 PM
Recently my son Hunter found an old copy of Boys Life. Since then, he has been "pun"ishing me with bad, corny jokes.

Sigh. What is it about Scouts and bad jokes?

He is going to run out of jokes soon. (He only found a few copies of the magazine)

Would anyone care to help him out with some tried and true puns, groaners, or other attempts at humor? (kid appropriate please)

An example of his humor.

What happened to the TV when it crossed the road?

It became a flat screen.


He truly needs more materiel and I would prefer to hear something new.

Gellis Indigo
05-13-2010, 08:24 PM
Would he be interested in "shaggy dog" type stories that end with a "pun"ch line?

Thistle
05-13-2010, 10:14 PM
Q: What is brown and sticky?

A: A stick!

rosefaeries
05-14-2010, 12:30 AM
Would he be interested in "shaggy dog" type stories that end with a "pun"ch line?

He is interested in any joke that makes me groan, roll my eyes, or tell him that it is a sheep joke ( it's baaaad).

Phoenix McHeit
05-14-2010, 08:29 AM
What is green, fuzzy, had 4 legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it'll kill you?


A pool table.

Zoie La Belle
05-14-2010, 08:45 AM
Q: What is brown and sticky?

A: A stick!

A STICK!!!!!!!

NYRF Potter Fans... hello?? hehehehe

Did you hear about the man who lost his left side?
He's all right now.

(Corny science joke) A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "dam"

*rotfl* ok, really, I'm killing myself... hahahaha

The 6th Rogue
05-14-2010, 10:10 AM
What is green, fuzzy, had 4 legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it'll kill you?


A pool table.

LOL! I'll be texting that one to people all day today. Thanks Phee!

Thistle
05-14-2010, 06:15 PM
Q: Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?

A: So he wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate!

Gemdrite
05-14-2010, 10:38 PM
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob

On your doorstep? Matt

In the forest? Russell

Hanging on the wall? Art

Sitting in a hot tub? Stew

Goes water skiing? Skip

Dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he won't come to you anyways.

Woman with no arms and legs playing tennis? Annette

rosefaeries
05-14-2010, 11:56 PM
More please!

He is groaning on the couch. (About time...He needs to know what it is like to be "pun"ished.)

I will be copying the jokes for him so he can use the jokes later.

Kyrera
05-15-2010, 12:37 AM
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob

On your doorstep? Matt

In the forest? Russell

Hanging on the wall? Art

Sitting in a hot tub? Stew

Goes water skiing? Skip

Dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he won't come to you anyways.

Woman with no arms and legs playing tennis? Annette

What do you call the one legged lady? Ilene
Where does she work? IHOP

Isabelle Warwicke
05-15-2010, 02:26 AM
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I-Deer (say it out loud.)

What do you call a der with no eyes and no legs?

Still no I-Deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no penis?

No fucking i-deer.

Ok, so that last one was for us and not your son. *grin*

Andreadoria
05-15-2010, 03:38 AM
Here is my Fav from Fraggle Rock.

Why did the radish kiss the Banana? Cause it had a peal

Gellis Indigo
05-15-2010, 07:10 AM
Ok, my pun provider needs a few parameters.

General age of said son and how much innuendo is allowed?

Phoenix McHeit
05-15-2010, 08:36 AM
What do you call the one legged lady? Ilene

What if she's Asian?

Irene

Thistle
05-15-2010, 01:10 PM
what do you call a woman with no arms and one leg? Eilene

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in a ditch? Doug.

...and in the ditch next to him? Phil

MillieWylde
05-15-2010, 09:45 PM
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. The first muffin asked, "Is it getting hot in here?" The second muffin yelled, "HOLY SH*# - A TALKING MUFFIN!"


Person A: Knock knock.
Person B: Who's there?
Person A: Control Freak. Now YOU say "Control freak who?"
(Give Person B a minute, they may have to think about this...)


Person A: Knock knock.
Person B: Who's there?
Person A: Interrupting cow.
Person B: Interrup--
Person A: MOOOOOO.


Probably not for the son:

What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, no head, & no torso?
Dick


(Oh, and by the way? I like this thread!) *rotfl*

rosefaeries
05-15-2010, 10:32 PM
Ok, my pun provider needs a few parameters.

General age of said son and how much innuendo is allowed?

He is 14. Some innuendo is ok. I don't want him to get into trouble at school.

LdyJhawk
05-15-2010, 10:42 PM
There are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and asks, 'you know how to drive this thing?'


What's the meaning of life? It's not God keeps meat fresh

Vixynne Rose
05-16-2010, 08:20 AM
This one will only get laughter from those of us old enough to remember the late 1970's (think the original "Charlie's Angels"):

What do you call university students who study the plumbing of ancient Egyptian kings?
...
Pharaoh faucet majors. (ba-dum-ching!)



Who's the best lawyer around?
Lauren Dorrdur

Who's the new guidance counselor?
Lois Steeme

Who's the new gardener (the one who paved the entire yard and painted it green)?
Nomar Wheedon R. Mowynn

Who's the new history teacher?
Ira Caul

Who installed the heating system?
Jillian Heer

Who wrote "Be Prepared--The Boy Scout's Guide to Everything"?
Justin Case, of course!

And his what's his sister's name, the one who is a virtuoso at stringed instruments?
Amanda-Lynn Case.

Titles of Unwritten Books (these are a huge hit with the Scouting crowd--I think Boy's Life does these too):

"50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Maykit
"Proper First Aid for Cuts and Scrapes" by Anna Sheptick
"How to Deal With Difficult People" by Haywood Jabuzzoff
"Flood Preparation" by Adam S. Lee King
"Memoir of Our World Travels" by Ben Dare and Don Thatt.
"The Importance of Flossing" by Hal E. Towsiss
"Stain Removal--Secrets of Ancient China" by Hu Flung Pu
"The Yellow River" by I.P. Freeley
(or--"Bedwetting" by I. P. Knightly)
"Driving Across America" by Iona Carr

My kids love these too--they're definitely not P.C., but to me, they're classics.

Confuscius say----

"Man who run in front of car get tired."
"Man who run in back of car get exhausted."
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot."
"Man who fart in church sit in own pew."

Phoenix McHeit
05-16-2010, 09:23 AM
What happened when the lady backed into a fan?

Disaster! (Dis-assed-her)


What's black & white and red all over?

A skunk in a blender
A zebra with a rash
A newspaper


Papa Mole, Mama Mole and Baby Mole were running down the tunnel.
Papa Mole stopped. What were Mama Mole and Baby Mole doing?

Sniffing molasses



How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and spread frozen peas around the rim. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

gracie
05-17-2010, 10:50 AM
As a scout leader, I've heard and told waaaayyyy too many of these...

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

but I like this one around a campfire

A group of friars from the monastery opened a florist shop to raise funds. A rival florist saw his business drop significantly. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh O'Reilly, the toughest thug in town, to convince the friars to close down. Hugh beat up the friars and ruined their flowers, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, proving that 'only Hugh can prevent florist friars'.

Lady Anisette
05-17-2010, 11:14 AM
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the 'possum it could be done.

ioevohe
05-17-2010, 11:27 AM
So a mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind here!"
and the mushrooms says "Why not? I'm a fun-guy!"

Bronya
05-20-2010, 03:43 PM
Here is my Fav from Fraggle Rock.

Why did the radish kiss the Banana? Cause it had a peal

awww I had forgotten that..we have all of Fraggle Rock on DVD...triple love them

Bronya
05-20-2010, 03:56 PM
A man with no arms and legs on the BBQ..Frank and his Sister with no arms and legs, Patty

How did German children in the 40's tie their shoes?
In little knot-zies

Triskel
06-15-2010, 11:41 AM
With all these puns I thought everyone would enjoy this site: http://somuchpun.com/2010/06/07/funny-pun-photos-facebook/

renren
06-24-2010, 12:20 PM
On Independence day, may the fourth be with you.