View Full Version : How to Wake a teenager

10-26-2010, 11:29 PM
I couldn't resist posting this here. Waking your teen (http://shine.yahoo.com/event/momentsofmotherhood/user-post-how-to-awaken-a-teenager-2402224/) (from Yahoo Shine Moments of motherhood)

This so resembles Hunter some mornings.

User Post: How to wake a teenager

When you first become a parent, nobody tells you that the tiny, cute, little baby in your arms will someday grow up to be a teenager. Oh sure, we all expect it to happen, but seriously, are any of us fully prepared for the teen years?
No, we arenít. Or at least, Iím not. And thatís why Iím reaching out, helping others to survive the turbulent years we call the teens. Okay fine. Iím complaining and venting, but reallyÖis there a difference?
One of the first things you notice as your child morphs into a teenager is sleep. They do it all the time. I swear some days my teen sits at the breakfast table, eyes fully open, shoveling food in his mouth and all the while heís totally asleep. Turns out teens need lots and lots of sleep. Which isnít the problem.
But waking them up? Thatís the problem. Seriously. Iíd rather wake up a bear two days before hibernation ends than wake up a teenager in the morning.
Waking a teen is dangerous. It requires you to go into the teenís native habitat (his room) and tell him to stop sleeping. Really. Once youíve tried this, I swear to you, the bear thing looks better and better. Anyway, through extensive personal research and at great risk to life and limb, I have come up with a way to awaken a typical teenager without having my head ripped off.
First, understand that the teenagerís bedroom must be approached with extreme caution. The teenage species has laid many traps to deter waking. These traps include piles of clothing, shoes and textbooks on the floor.
Once you have approached the teenager and gotten through the hidden traps, you should stop and assess the situation before proceeding further. If there are animals in the room (other than the teen), use treats and/or your best happy voice to lure the animals from the bed.
Congratulations! Now the teenager is defenseless, except for his smart mouth.
At this point, you will need to locate the teen. Like many of his species, the teen will be wrapped in a cocoon of blankets with pillows stacked on his head. Due to the mess associated with their habitat, finding the teen in all the piles can be difficult. However, if you simply locate the cords to his ear buds and carefully follow them, you will discover the teenís head. Note: If you locate his iPod, you are on the wrong end. Just follow the cords the opposite direction.
Now that you have located the elusive teen, you can wake his butt up. My favorite way to do so is the ďlet the sunshine inĒ method. By simply opening all the shutters and turning on the lights, the room is flooded with intense light that even the most buried teen cannot bear. If they yell or scream, ďitís too brightĒ you can be certain the method worked and that they are awake.
Once the teen is awake, his primitive response system will send him into ďfight or flight modeĒ which means he will curl up into a tiny ball, pull all the blankets over his head, stack some pillows on top and ignore you (some teens will also whimper and cry; donít fall for this, itís just a ploy to let them sleep for 5 more minutes). At this point in the teen wake up process it is critical that you do not leave the room. To do so will enable the teen to sleep even longer, ensuring the teen misses his 0 period class.
Your only choice now is to scream ďget your butt out of bed nowĒ and then steal his iPod. Really. That whole bear thing is looking better, isnít it?
Now there are other methods, such as allowing the teen to set his alarm clock. In my personal experience, this method doesnít work well. Once the teen hits the snooze button, he will immediately fall back into a deep sleep. I also know of parents who have tried increasingly desperate methods such as allowing siblings to jump on the bed, playing a bugle or pouring water on the teen, but I donít support those methods. Frankly, the siblings could lose an eye, I donít play the bugle and the water just gets the mattress all wet and makes the teen even more smart-mouthed than usual.
Of course, once you wake up the bear, you could send him into the teenís room. That could work.

For those who would like to read more from Maniac Motherhood http://lauriesontag.com/

10-27-2010, 12:23 AM
Frozen marbles always worked in my house. There is no escape, since the marbles roll wherever you do.

10-27-2010, 09:53 AM
Frozen marbles always worked in my house. There is no escape, since the marbles roll wherever you do.

*wide eyed with glee* I'll have to use that one on my husband!! ::runfore:

10-27-2010, 10:23 AM
My dad's favorite was to barge in singing the "good morning" song while robbing Amber and I of our pillows. His other favorite was getting an ice cube and just holding it in his hand over our heads and letting the ice cold water drip down on us..... I hate the ice cube

10-27-2010, 10:32 AM
My mother used to just let the dog in my room. That dog loved me. With great enthusiasm. She'd hear my doorknob click from the other side of the house and come tearing down the hall at high speed to leap onto my bed. 120 lbs of golden retriever landing on a night-full bladder will get ANYONE out of bed.

10-27-2010, 10:35 AM
Stuffed animals...
Make then dance on their heads, sing songs and the like
It always works

Phoenix McHeit
10-27-2010, 12:39 PM
lol all these Eeeeevil ways are making me giggle.

I usually just let the alarm clock do it. If they're late, they have to deal with it.
But on those rare occasions where I do wake them, I do it with a backrub and soft singing. Even when they dooooooooon't wannnnnaaaaaa get up, they are at least pleasant about it.

Although I do fully agree with the 'land-mined with clothes, skateboards, etc' statement. :wink:

10-27-2010, 03:26 PM
*wide eyed with glee* I'll have to use that one on my husband!! ::runfore:
Actually, that's who it usually got used on, lol. My dad was notorious for being difficult to get out of bed. I was/am a night person and absolutely hate mornings, but I was always the first one out of bed. Ms. Responsibility, that's me, even as a teen. Get up at the absolute last minute possible, get the coffee going, when it's finished get Dad up to drive me to school.

10-27-2010, 07:30 PM
I have not one but two teenage minions who frequently sleep on my couch. The dog sleeps in my room with me. Galia's not so bad, but Ryan? Ryan-- th emost mild-mannererd and sweet young lady imaginable-- would get threatened with a cup of cold water. When that didn't work, I'd just open the door to my room and let Kahlua and all her rampant doggie enthusiasm out. My couch is, by the way, exactly wet-dog-nose height.

That ploy never failed.

10-27-2010, 08:33 PM
Frozen marbles always worked in my house. There is no escape, since the marbles roll wherever you do.

I will have to use this on my 7 year old. Sadly the teenagers both get up without being told. My son even gets up earlier than us and we are up every morning at 5 for work. He doesn't even sleep in on weekends. But the 7 year old is a little diva that doesn't ever want to get up and will sleep until noon on the weekends.

Adriana Rose
10-29-2010, 10:54 PM
Mom would turn on ALL the lights in my room ( I got her once when I put purple lights in and they were really dark)

I wake my faire monions by going upstairs and caterwauling Good Morning ala Dancing in the Rain it works all the time, well there was the Pet Pirate and the blanket snatch manuver was in order. If all that doesnt work I turn the very energized toddler on them like the dogs you cant hide.

Sorcha Griannon
10-30-2010, 12:05 AM
*wide eyed with glee* I'll have to use that one on my husband!! ::runfore:
Me too:-)

11-30-2010, 08:33 PM
good stuff. as a youth leader, i will be using this. haha.

12-03-2010, 01:49 PM
My stepdad would stick his hand in the room and quickly flip on and off the lights while yelling "Wake up, Chris!" If that didn't work he'd actually enter the room and yank the blankets off my bed. Since I dislike cold, this would usually work.

12-14-2010, 12:51 AM
I think of Arlie Ermy walking in at 4:30am when my dad used to wake me for school... nothing delicate about that man... at the top of his drill sargent voice he'd yell as he turned on the lights and yanked off the covers..."OFF YER ASS AND ON YER FEET!" Yup definitely designed to put you in one fantastic mood for the rest of the day. Thankx POP for the memories... and what I wouldn't give to have you wake me tomorrow that same way. Gone but not forgotten for 5 years. Love, your daughter "Petey" :sigh::wah:

- ShadowHawke -

12-15-2010, 10:06 PM
My parents tried to be creative in waking me. I had cats on my face...dog licking my ears...my sheets fully pulled off my bed and me falling out because of it...a very enthusiastic puppy who puts his cold snout EVERYWHERE...a vocal pudgy cat meowing for food and the one that works the most was opening my curtains and letting me get blinded by the morning sun (bed was in the spot where it shines in your eyes).