PDA

View Full Version : How much is too much?



Triskel
03-21-2011, 07:41 PM
This morning my friend and I were discussing children. Then our conversation drastically changed to how many children is too many?

Thus, I have this question. Should there be a limit to how many children you can/can't have?

Not like China's 1 child type law but some outragous number like stop at 20?

Our first thoughts went out to the Duggar family. She's been having children for 20+ years and has 19 children. Is that too much?

Torra
03-21-2011, 07:59 PM
My personal thoughts, prompted by the Duggars, are that, barring temporary setbacks and temporary assistance, the moment you can no longer afford your children is the moment you have too many. If having one more will cause you to need public assistance, don't try to get pregnant. If having one more means your family/friends need to give you monthly checks, don't have one more.

I understand there are things in life that happen at bad times, accidents happen, etc. Those people don't count - I think in terms of people who deliberately attempt to have children they cannot support on their paychecks.

RaevynCait
03-21-2011, 10:50 PM
On one level, it's a deeply personal decision. For me, one child would be too many. It's not that I particularly dislike them. I just prefer them in limited doses. Sure there have been a handful that, if necessary, I would take on a permanent basis, but in general, I don't want any. Therefore, how many children a person wants or has is really none of anyone else's business, UNLESS that person cannot support them and has to rely on friends, family, or you, me and the millions of us who pay taxes that support the programs that provide them with food/shelter/medical/childcare.

GoodyTombShoes
03-22-2011, 07:52 AM
I can't imagine a magic number. The National Geographic did a story called "7 Billion and Counting" that said this generation of women is having less children than the one before. Their study still proposes that we will have 9 billion people here by 2045.
How many is enough? I suppose I was done at 2. I got the lucky roll and had a boy and a girl. When we were given the opportunity to adopt one of our foster kids...3 was enough. While I can't imagine having 4, if a need arises and the opportunity exists, 4 would be enough.

Triskel
03-22-2011, 11:47 AM
My personal thoughts, prompted by the Duggars, are that, barring temporary setbacks and temporary assistance, the moment you can no longer afford your children is the moment you have too many. If having one more will cause you to need public assistance, don't try to get pregnant. If having one more means your family/friends need to give you monthly checks, don't have one more.

I understand there are things in life that happen at bad times, accidents happen, etc. Those people don't count - I think in terms of people who deliberately attempt to have children they cannot support on their paychecks.

With our economy going down the drain many are not able to support their children (whether accidental or not). I think it is a crying shame that there are children roaming around that don't get the proper care.

Another question though,
What about adoption? Instead of having 5+ children of your own why not adopt if you have sufficient funds?

It makes sense (in my mind) to adopt less fortunate children who have not known a good home then just keep reproducing myself. Plus, not only is that less stress on the woman but the joy of being a mother is still there.

*sidenote*
Thanks everyone for finding this interesting and commenting!

daBaroness
03-28-2011, 02:46 AM
I too, think it is a very personal decision and that the decision to have a child *should* be based on the ability to financially, spiritually, emotionally and in all ways, support that child. Of course that is in a perfect world - which none of us lives in. Those in third-world countries or even in the U.S. today would claim that their having children without the wherewithall to support is constitutes some sort of racism or other ism. And I'd be the first to admit it often seems the people with the least ability to care for the children they produce are often the most prolific. I would also say that comes from an entitlement mentality where welfare, AFDC and other public and private hand-out programs exist solely to help them - that there's nothing they need do in return.

If I ruled the world, there would be a number of stipulations to having children - financial, emotional, spiritual solvency being just the top three. But what about only having children that are really and truly wanted? Shouldn't that be at the top of the list? And commitment and sacrifice necessary to raise happy, healthy, productive individuals -shouldn't that be in there too? What about children being born only to two parents (gender nonspecific) who will both be committed to that child no matter the circumstance - present or future - of their own relationship with one another?

Truth be told - there are not many of us who would make the grade of what we "should" have prior to conception of a child. And maybe that's what is wrong with so many children. Perhaps this explains the desperate and broken nature of so many walking around as adults today. Everyone wants babies - but who wants to deal with a teen-ager with problems? Anyone can change a diaper - but life hands us - and our children a lot more shitty messes than diapers.

Maybe if I ruled the world I wouldn't have such stringent rules. Maybe the most important one is merely to love unconditionally and be committed to the person you help create - meaning no matter how hard it gets - you don't abandon them and you don't dump your baggage upon them. Unconditional love doesn't mean condoning bad behavior - it means condemning the bad behavior while loving the person.

There are huge obligations we have to our children and to the world we live in to consciously raise our children with good values, love and a sense of self worth. And THAT is where so many fail. Numbers don't matter, commitment and love do.

MillieWylde
03-30-2011, 11:18 PM
One is enough for me, physically. (We had some issues there.) My only child is just past his third birthday and my man and I have decided (a couple years ago now) that if we ever 'have' another, it will be through adoption. *shrugs* That's just what feels right to us.