Subcategory Menu
What's a Wench?
Are You a Wench?
Guild Charter
Electoral Process
Rose Tag

Login Panel
Username:
Password:
Remember Me

Not registered?
Register now!

Forgot your password?

Users Online
Online Now: 43
8 Member | 35 Guest
Bean, BronxGirl, Kathryn Blakeley, Lucy, moiradochartaigh, SilverMirth, UnicornBee

Most users ever online was 470 on June 30, 2007 at 10:02 AM.

Affiliates
Medieval Productions

Home  >>  About  >>  Are You a Wench?

If you can answer any 3 of these questions with an "ohh yeah", then you are obviously a woman of distinction, a product of excellent breeding, possessed of stunning (if not vaguely dubious) talents and appetites and clearly belong in the International Wenches Guild.

  • Do men require an "adjustment" after kissing you?
  • Is your tongue registered as a precision surgical instrument?
  • Have you been accused of smuggling melons across state lines?
  • Do you really know what a sponge is for?
  • Was "Soak a Bloke" considered your time off?
  • Do you think it's wise to use ice cubes and menthol together?
  • Is whipped cream more than just a dessert topping?
  • Do men lose the power of speech when you adjust your bodice or breath deeply?
  • Are you vertically challenged but horizontally gifted?
  • Do you like to play with your food?
  • When removing your bra on Monday, do you find enough loose change to buy breakfast?

For instance, A True Wench should...

  • Remember that all men are created surplus.
  • Be able to procure alcohol or funds at any given moment.
  • Never suffer from an empty cup or have to pay for it.
  • Be proficient enough in neck biting so as to disable at least one (1) whole side of a man's body.
  • Maintain a repertoire of at least three Dirty Ballads with which to sing for her supper.
  • Be willing and able to prove the authenticity of her hair color anytime, anywhere.
  • When walking, have the flexibility when wearing a studded hip belt to butt out an eye.
  • Realize that, when lacing a bodice, if she can still breathe, it's not tight enough.
  • Be known to and easily recognized by every Rose Girl and Alekeep on a Faire site.
  • Be able to interrupt a scripted scene simply by the way she eats or breathes.
  • Maintain at least the illusion that she can "raise the dead", metaphorically speaking.
  • Be able to cause mustache growth on a 10 year old Boy Scout with a "wubby".
  • Know how to polish a sword so as to keep resulting patron drool from pitting the steel.
  • Strive to create an interesting pattern in her bodice tan without undue stinging or particular indignity.
  • Have no problem changing her wardrobe in a busy parking lot.
  • Master the technique of removing the whipped cream from a rose without damaging the petals.
  • Know all the right animal noises.
Does that sound like you? Well, what are you waiting for then? Join us!


Print    Email
Latest Posts
magazine survey- what do you
read?

Posted by Bean
November 21, 2009

The Piss and Moan Thread
Posted by UnicornBee
November 21, 2009

OSHA releases crowd-control
guidelines for protecting
workers during retail sales
eve

Posted by LdyJhawk
November 21, 2009

5 Year Old Busts Burgler.
Posted by Mistress Morigianna
November 21, 2009

Waters of Mars
Posted by Guinevere
November 21, 2009

Top Posters
User: Posts:
Ysobelle 11193
Buxom Wench 10745
Lady Sarah 9342
Margaret 6785
MaidenFaeSnow 5332