• Feeding Your Inner Wench

    By Lisa Salim - Wench #157
    Published: August 24, 2000'

    Wife, mother, wench....that's me. I was asked to write this article because some people are under the delusion that I've got my life under control. Good solid marriage, smart kids, comfortable home. And I'm still "sexy."

    As I stood in my kitchen holding the peanut butter encrusted Barbie doll, I said to myself, "Damn I am sexy. I should help other wenches find the true path to happiness!". Then reality flowed back in when my son bopped his sister with his genuine Star Wars Darth Vader Light Saber.

    The key to having a strong marriage is to remind your husband frequently that he can be replaced. Always remember that you're a Wench and he's lucky to have you!! There's nothing better for the reversal of fatigue than a good romp around the bedroom. Keep the spark alive! Pick that Play Doh out of your hair, plop the kids in front of the T.V. and make sure you have a lock on the bedroom door. Play something soft and romantic on the radio and take that 20 minutes to remember just why you wanted to spawn with the man in the first place. I recommend Metallica played at top volume, as this is sure to drown out the pounding at the door and the cries of "What are you guys doing in there!!!". (Which will also be at top volume.)

    Let's not forget the importance of trust within a marriage. Let's face it, chances are you and your spouse are going to hang out around with other Wenches. While it should be every Wenches code to never truly tempt another's chew toy, there will always be a certain amount of playing and flirting going on. Don't sweat the little stuff, it's all harmless fun. Who's to say you can't flirt and laugh right along with the crowd? This will remind him of key point number one, he can always be replaced! It never hurts to keep a 2x4 handy too. Be each other's best friend, share as much laughter as you can with each other. Be the central part of your partner's life, and he yours. Like they say communicate, communicate, communicate!!! You can always whack him with the 2x4 to get his attention.

    Finding the balance between motherhood and Wenchdom is a bit trickier. While it's important to express your inner wench, don't let them see you doing something you don't want them telling their therapist later. Or worst yet, blurting it out in front the in-laws. Find a baby-sitter, trade time with a friend who has kids, send them to camp and then get your fix of vixenhood. You can do both, but please don't do it at the same time. The time that we have to teach them to be strong people is relatively short. You want them to grow up to be independent, healthy and to have their own apartment. They take a lot of effort. Having children affects every moment of your life, so it's important that you remind yourself every now and again that you are more than "just" a mommy. This will be hard, since you will be referred to constantly as "Billy's mother." It's essential to remember that you are a separate person, and not let yourself be solely defined by the alien creatures hanging about your skirts. Earn their respect and demand that they earn yours. Again, the 2x4 will come in very handy!

    There are only 24 hours in a day, sometimes less. Within those hours you have to find the opportunity to meet the demands of home life and the extended responsibility that comes with it. If you have more to do than you have time for, learn to say no to the PTA bake sale every now and again. I've found that hidden dirt is happy dirt. It's okay to call out for pizza. Nobody ever died wishing they spent more time dusting.

    You can have it all, if you figure out the important things to want. Let your wenchness, your strength and your sense of self be your guide. Laugh a lot. Love a lot. Lace your bodice tight. Love even more. Be true to yourself. Love one more time before you go to sleep.

    ((Editors note: LISA ROCKS!!)) ((Webmistress' note: A LOT!))
    (This article was reprinted from a previous issue of Wench.Org's "Our Time of the Month")