For all the techs out there....

[Rhia]

And just when you thought it was safe to answer the phone again…..




Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No . wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk... sorry....

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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, dammit!

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

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And last but not least... Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

[Mistress Lisette]

*rotfl* *rotfl*

Must share with hubby as he's a systems/network admin something or other. He's told certain co-workers that their computer error was either a "screw loose in front of the keyboard" or an "I.D.10T" error. I'm amazed that his co-workers just don't get it...:lol:

~Lisette

[webmistress]

And let's not forget PEBCAK (problem exists between chair and keyboard.)

Oddly enough, I *just* had a similar thing happen to me as described in one of those blurbs. A woman couldn't understand why the color printer was printing in black and white. She tried it several times, restarted her computer, the usual stuff. Finally, after about a half an hour, I asked her if her document itself was in color. She said no.

*sigh*

[Branwen]

The following is a true story.
One of the first tech support calls that I took for Smith barney followed as such:

Thank You for calling Smith barney Online Technical Support my name is J**** how can I help you?

Caller: I can't get onto your web site.

Okay, what is the error message that you are getting?

Caller: I'm not getting an error message. I can't get onto the web site.

Are you connected to the internet?

Caller Yes, I just can't get onto your website.

Have you tried typing in the full web address? Please make sure that you are entering in (spelling out the web address for the client) www DOT s-a-l-o-m-o-n-s-m-i-t-h-b-a-r-n-e-y DOT COM.

Caller: I have. I can't get onto your web site. The Dead Monkey won't let me.

Uhhh, uummm. Are you sure that you are typing in the correct address. Our web site doesn't have any Dead Monkey's on it.

Caller: Yes!! I know how to type the correct address. Everytime I try to go to your web site or anyother web site. A Dead Monkey shows up on the page and it won't let me go anywhere. Can you make the Dead Monkey go away please. I just want to be able to view my account.

Okay. (at this point I have made sure that he is really connecting to the internet, gathered his account information and opened up a trouble ticket)
Let me get a Level 2 Technician on the line to assist you with this problem. If you could hold for a minute or two please.
I made sure that he was on hold, placed myself on mute & laughed silly until I got hold of a Senior Tech. From there we had another good laugh & then I transferred the call over to him.


I have now been doing tech support for Smith Barney & Citibank for about 5 years. The calls received sometimes are repetative, other times.... It's a good story over lunch.

[Cyranno DeBoberac]

Did you ever find out what the dead monkey was????

I'm on the edge of my seat here!

[Mistress Lisette]

I'm figuring it was some kind of virus or a ritual sacrifice that went horribly awry... ::taz::
~Lisette

[Emrld]

I feel like I am in one of those bad commercials

"Inquiring minds want to know" What was the dead monkey.

[Lady Laurel]

When I was IT at Bell South. I had some really wierd calls. My favorite were the older crowd , sometimes they did not even know how to turn thier monitor on.

I have never heard off a dead monkey though inquireing minds want to know.

[Branwen]

I spoke to the Tech that took the call over from me afterwards & it turns out that people will click on OK :anykey: anytime that a pop up window appears. He ended up agreeing to have some type of hacked website w/trojan spy ware & a load of virus' attached as his homepage. He wasn't going to get to another website to save his soul. The Tech just recomemded speaking to the rep who sold him his computer to reformat his harddrive. (CNTL Format C) The old man & his computer were screwed. ::breakco: :bsod: ::stoopid: