DV Awareness, or rather the lack of it.

[rosefaeries]

Sigh. As some of you are aware I was in the Gresham Oregon area this weekend for employment testing. After the test, I saw some relatives that I haven't seen in close to 20 years.

Ok now a bit more history, some of you are aware that I am a survivor of domestic violence. Now fast forward to close to 3 years free and having a conversation with my aunt in her kitchen. I had to try to explain to her why it took so long for me to get away. Sigh. This is a very intelligent college educated women. (She is an attorney). She had no concept of what really goes on in that type of situation, nor of the different types of abuse. Then the conversation shifts to my youngest cousin, 26 years old and a martial arts instructor. (Last time I saw her she was about 8 or 9 yo.) My aunt says that she is glad that her daughter is proficient in martial arts because then she doesn't have to worry about her being abused. ::WTF::


I know police officers that are abused by their husbands. Being proficient in a style of fighting doesn't keep you from being abused. And to make matters worse, I then got the impression that she thought that I was a weak person for "allowing" it to happen in the first place and then for not leaving as soon as she thought I should have. (side rant- Where the hell were they when I needed help to get away and needed someone to believe me that the abuse was really happening to begin with?? )


This has been bothering since I got back late saturday night. Not really sure if I want to try and educate my family up there just exactly what dv is or to just let it slide. It really bothers me that they think that dv only consists of being hit. (Personally I would have rather been hit than what I did endure. It would have been a whole lot easier to heal.)

[Buxom Wench]

Unless you have experienced it, there is no way to explain all the things people don't understand and the whys of it too. ::hug::

[La Femme Meow]

I don't know what to say except stay strong, lady. When people are in an abusive environment the abnormal becomes normal. I know this because I lived in such an environment until it exploded into physical violence against me. That was almost a year ago and it has taken time to get my mind and spirit back together and to realize first, how strange the abuse, physical and verbal, actually was and, two, how it affected me in more ways than I realized. I don't think you could convince the other people in that household or their extended families that such behaviors were unhealthy and abnormal. People have to be ready to listen and ready for something better. Be glad that you are. Prayers and good thoughts to you and your family.
::candle:: ::bighug::

[Mistress Lisette]

Sometimes people don't want to be or are afraid to be educated about domestic violence and/or rape, because then they'd have to own up to their own culpability (in the case of your family members not offering you help or support) and vulnerability (in that it can very easily happen to them). As you pointed out, having a college education or being a police officer doesn't necessarily exempt a person from violence. Like Bux says, people who haven't gone through it really have no concept of what dv can be/is and the long-lasting effects it has on the survivor.

Stay strong and just focus your energies on you and your immediate family. You can't be everybody's mother. Nor should you be. :grouphug:

[Mistress Morigianna]

I remember during my divorce i was tring to explain to someone real deep emotional abuse and all they could say was- "but he didn't hit you - right?"
tring to explain that sometimes punching is in the heart, brain, and on the inside and leaves scars too.....


if you don't see these people very much- send the a book or two. I found several at used book stores or used online. then highlight or "tag'a few key chapters. Or write them a letter telling them how you few and what you went through- then either mail or burn it.

[ambar]

My mother had the spousal abuse. I shared in it though as a child. You have my sympathy Rosefaeries over the situation that presented itself. I have tried for years to get my father's family to understand what he did to Mom and I and I finally gave up. Unless you have lived through it or are living through it, others have a hard time believing how hard it is to get away. The "so called family experts" will not be able to understand until they are living in it, and I pray they never have to. Sometimes I think innocence is bliss.

I am still dealing with issues on ego, self respect, and self worth from 18 years of emotional and psycological abuse the sperm donor provided. I probably always will be. And he keeps asking me why I don't want to be around him. *sigh*

Just remember your sisters here and that we understand Rosefaeries. Togeather, we move forward day by day and we make it.

[willow of the wooded fortress]

Just stay strong and take care of yourself. A lot of people don't want to see certain aspects of life that may be right in front of them. Trying to educate them may only enrage you and depleat you of all the strength you have gained since getting out of the situation. ::bighug::