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DangerousCurves
03-14-2008, 10:08 AM
Swearing At Work Policy

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company
have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation
with their
co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be
easily offended, this
type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however; realize the
critical
importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when
communicating with
co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative phrases have been
provided so that
proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective
manner.

1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f___ing way.

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f____ing problem.

8) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the f___ing h _ll didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the f___ died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

ambar
03-14-2008, 10:19 AM
BWAHAHAHAHAHA

*hugs* thank you.

sslider66
03-14-2008, 10:35 AM
*rotfl* Thanks for the giggle.

Lady Hefron
03-14-2008, 12:55 PM
12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh__ and die.


But that takes all the fun out of it.:-D

Cyranno DeBoberac
03-14-2008, 12:59 PM
It's easy! Mmmmkay? (http://youtube.com/watch?v=onvj5IIJVgo)

Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns hole"
Step 2: Instead of shit say poo, as in "bull poo", "poo head" and this "poo is cold"
Step 3: With bitch drop the t because bich is latin for generosity
Step 4: Dont say fuck any more because fuck is the worst word that you can say
So just use the word mmmkay!

Reaver
03-14-2008, 01:19 PM
Hola Goils!

As my current position as a fraud investigator puts me in contact with people who bold-face lie to my and my co-workers even when faced with overwhelming evidence e.g.:

Me-"Mr. Nimrod, we know that you deliberately withheld wage information so as to receive benefits"
Mr. N-"No I didn't..."
Me-"WE HAVE COPIES OF YOUR PAYSTUBS.....
Mr. N- "No you don't......"

:augh:

Needless to say...the language gets a trifle colorful.
Yet, as civil servants-we have to be "nicey-nice":unamused:

So, I either lapse into Roman Moroni from "Johnny Dangerously"-..."you fargin sneaky bastages..."
OR...code mode, like:
"That guy was an 'LSOS"=Lying Sack of......Sugar":lol:

Ya do what ya can on the job,
S the R
SCM

Margaret
03-14-2008, 01:41 PM
See, around my office when we are by ourselves - we cuss worse than anything.

Shoot, my supervisor's favorite word is 'snatch'.

Reaver
03-14-2008, 03:44 PM
See, around my office when we are by ourselves - we cuss worse than anything.

Shoot, my supervisor's favorite word is 'snatch'.



Huh huh......

You said "snatch".....huh huh....

Ya know I'm punchy today when I go into Butthead mode, and that made me laugh for a solid minute...:lol:

From the "Quarterdeck.....of ..I'm Just Beat"
S the R
SCM

Donnaccia
03-14-2008, 03:47 PM
Huh huh......

You said "snatch".....huh huh....

Ya know I'm punchy today when I go into Butthead mode, and that made me laugh for a solid minute...:lol:

From the "Quarterdeck.....of ..I'm Just Beat"
S the R
SCM

Heh. You said "solid."
:snicker:

Tink
03-14-2008, 04:13 PM
See, around my office when we are by ourselves - we cuss worse than anything.

Shoot, my supervisor's favorite word is 'snatch'.

That's one of Reaver's favorite words too. Well maybe not so much the word as the actual body part. :lol:

Margaret
03-14-2008, 04:26 PM
Snatch is a great word and Greg - my boss - uses it quite liberally.

You know you work in a good office when you can call your boss fat to his face and he replies by calling you a snatch and it's all OK. *rotfl*

Reaver
03-15-2008, 07:57 AM
That's one of Reaver's favorite words too. Well maybe not so much the word as the actual body part. :lol:

Now Robin.......:pweeease:

My interest, reputation and affiliation with that word have been greatly............aw Jeez........who are we kidding........

LOVE IT......word,deed and action ::wagtong::


From the "Quarterdeck......of Love"-where the Cap'n is known to give a tongue-lashing to selected crew and captives....if they've been especially naughty.....for order, of course.....:wink:

Sean the Reaver
Swingin' Cap'n Merrill::pirate::

Cyranno DeBoberac
03-16-2008, 06:57 PM
Now Robin.......:pweeease:

My interest, reputation and affiliation with that word have been greatly............aw Jeez........who are we kidding........

LOVE IT......word,deed and action ::wagtong::


From the "Quarterdeck......of Love"-where the Cap'n is known to give a tongue-lashing to selected crew and captives....if they've been especially naughty.....for order, of course.....:wink:

Sean the Reaver
Swingin' Cap'n Merrill::pirate::

"The vagina... I love it! (http://youtube.com/watch?v=0VbbWNAYx_g)"

daBaroness
03-16-2008, 08:28 PM
I'm fond of saying, "Sexual harrassment will not only be tolerated, it will be graded. Make it good!"