ambar
01-18-2005, 02:23 PM
1. Do NOT order steak at the Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day so let them cook something they know.
2. Do not laugh at Southern names; (Merleen, Bodie, Gertrude, Joe Boy, Sudie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, Billy Bob, etc.) These people have been known to whup a man's ass for less.
3. Do not order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. This can lead to a beating. Down South it is called Co-Cola. It don't make a damn whether it's a Pepsi, 7-Up or whatever else; its a Co-Cola.
4. Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't in the SEC (Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, etc.) All the others are just a bunch of pansies that play teams like Wyoming.
5. Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally lots nicer. We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do sometimes have a small lapse in judgement (e.g. Bill Clinton, Kirk Fordice, David Duke). We don't care if you think we are dumb, because we will whup your ass.
6. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here.
7. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended and don't put sugar on your grits.
8. Don't fake a southern accent. This will incite a riot.
9. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. If you don't like it here, take your ass home. Delta is ready anytime you are...
10. We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy Northern games. So don't come down here asking the score because we don't give a damn.
11. We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we want to and because we can. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners do understand what we are saying and that's all that matters. Now, go home.
12. Last, but not least. DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how to make Bar-B-Q. This will get your ass shot. You're lucky we let you come down here. Question our Bar-B-Q and go home in a pine box.
2. Do not laugh at Southern names; (Merleen, Bodie, Gertrude, Joe Boy, Sudie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, Billy Bob, etc.) These people have been known to whup a man's ass for less.
3. Do not order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. This can lead to a beating. Down South it is called Co-Cola. It don't make a damn whether it's a Pepsi, 7-Up or whatever else; its a Co-Cola.
4. Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't in the SEC (Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, etc.) All the others are just a bunch of pansies that play teams like Wyoming.
5. Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally lots nicer. We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do sometimes have a small lapse in judgement (e.g. Bill Clinton, Kirk Fordice, David Duke). We don't care if you think we are dumb, because we will whup your ass.
6. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here.
7. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended and don't put sugar on your grits.
8. Don't fake a southern accent. This will incite a riot.
9. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. If you don't like it here, take your ass home. Delta is ready anytime you are...
10. We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy Northern games. So don't come down here asking the score because we don't give a damn.
11. We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we want to and because we can. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners do understand what we are saying and that's all that matters. Now, go home.
12. Last, but not least. DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how to make Bar-B-Q. This will get your ass shot. You're lucky we let you come down here. Question our Bar-B-Q and go home in a pine box.