Online Drama

[Lady Laurel]

Do yall ever think that online drama can be just as bad as real life drama... I am involved in some on another site that is just plain stupid but people want to get upset over the smallest of issues...
so how do yall feel about it??

[Gellis Indigo]

Online drama IS real life drama. Things done and said online can be just as hurtful and harmful as things done and said in person.

[Branwen]

Having posted to multiple online forums and lurking on many others I have seen that Online Drama can be much more bitter than Real Life Drama. O.D. has the tendency to make a person less inhabited regarding what one posts about someone else and also causing others to be dragged in the the fray.

Many of "Us" only know each other based on our Avatars, our posting styles and what our Signatures say about ourselves. We may never really ever meet each other in life, we may never talk to one another and there is a likelihood that if "We" were to walk down the same street in "Anywhere, U.S.A." we would not know one another and quite possibly shun one another or even worse categorize each other into a stereotype based on what we see in one another.

It's so much easier to write on an anonymous website and post your personal feeling and quite possibly start a flame war than it would be to face the individual you have a disagreement with and discuss your feelings and opinions.

The internet allows people to be hidden by a keyboard and a computer screen and also allows others to "See" you as a "Non-being" and in essence "de-humanize" that person/group etc to make You feel the better, morally correct individual.

The Internet allows R.L.D. to be displayed and turned into O.D. where everyone can put in their two cents and base their opinions about the issue. The infighting and cliques that develop online make the World all that much smaller and allows each other to think that they are in the right while the person or people that they don't like are in the wrong and whomever should agree with them are also in the right and whoever disagrees is in the wrong.

The creation of the internet and online forums and Social Groups (Facebook, Myspace, Twitter etc...) allows everyone to meet more people ONLINE from all over the World, yet we now hardly ever get outside to meet our Neighbors.

The World is getting smaller by how we communicate with each other, yet we are allowing it to get bigger by not getting out of our homes and meeting our next door neighbors and being afraid of who may just knock on our front door.

[daBaroness]

It's way too easy to get all wound up in the cyber bullshit. It isn't real life - it's all an illusion. But we live our beliefs so I think the online reality is directly proportional to the importance we assign to it. And I'd be the first one to agree it's frighteningly easy to cross the dividing line. Some folks' real lives are so miserable - it's easier to immerse themselves in a cyber world where they have a level of control over who they are and the world they live in. That's the point of "creating" personnas online - we get to be anyone we want, despite who we're "stuck" with being in real life.

Yes, there are some forums where people are pretty genuine to who they really are. But oftentimes we get overly involved and overly invested in the lives and drama of others we don't really know and get sucked into real emotions and real disagreements about unreal issues.

When I find myself getting worked up about something someone has posted online (here or elsewhere), I have to stop myself, get a grip and a reality check and tell myself, "It's not real - it's the INTERNET!"

I've got enough real-life drama - I don't need another source to drain my energy and focus my attention and resources in an imaginary direction.

Yes, there are real, live people behind the screen names and avatars - and some of them we actually know in real life or at least have enough of a connection that we do care for them. But the majority of the "people" we know online are part who they are and part who they want to be.

I don't know about anyone else - but I have zero time, desire or energy to get into a gossip or pissing contest with someone I wouldn't know if I saw them on the street, muchless get so invested in their drama that it becomes my drama. I figure if it's causing me real-life stress, pain or concern -I need to stop the energy leak, log off and go do my laundry.

[Branwen]

daB I truly admire your ability to write how you do. I read your posts and at times I think, I'm not going to read that LONG post just to get an idea of what point you are trying to make. But, I DO read them. I enjoy your wit, I admire your strength, your determination and your personal resolve.

There are times that I don't post my opinion as I am not able to write out clearly what I want to say. I may be able to verbalize it, but I still have some difficulty in writing it out where it would be clearly understood.

Reading your posts makes me want to improve myself both in written and verbal expression. You are an amazing Woman and I am proud to say that I have had the opportunity to meet you and consider you a Friend.

Thank you.


By the way, is that a Bra on your head in your avatar?

[Gellis Indigo]

Some snipping has been done to the following quote:

It's way too easy to get all wound up in the cyber bullshit. It isn't real life - it's all an illusion. But we live our beliefs so I think the online reality is directly proportional to the importance we assign to it. And I'd be the first one to agree it's frighteningly easy to cross the dividing line.

Yes, there are some forums where people are pretty genuine to who they really are. But oftentimes we get overly involved and overly invested in the lives and drama of others we don't really know and get sucked into real emotions and real disagreements about unreal issues.

When I find myself getting worked up about something someone has posted online (here or elsewhere), I have to stop myself, get a grip and a reality check and tell myself, "It's not real - it's the INTERNET!"


daB, I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. The internet IS real. And I think that the view that it's not real is what causes a lot of drama.

I have met many longtime friends through the internet, starting way back in the early '90's during my college years. Back then, it was just fun and games. We were all playing. But I have so many friends from that time in my life that have been true friends to me. Some I have met IRL, others continue to be online friends. But we know each other and have been through much together in the more than a decade we've known each other.

Granted, I have met some people that I believed to be potential lifelong friends, that haven't worked out so well. People that, because it was the internet, or for other unknown reasons, have taken things too far and done very hurtful things. Those hurts and damages are no less real just because they were by friends met online.

And finally, for the last year and a half, I have been teaching high school students online. Let me assure you that the work they do, and the teaching that my colleagues and I do are very much real. These students must still take the high stakes standardized tests required by No Child Left Behind, and our school is still rated by the government based on the same data that brick and mortar schools are rated. And let me assure you, I know my students very, very well. The bonds and relationships I and my fellow teachers have formed with our students and their familes are real, and strong. In many ways, stronger than those found between students, families, and teachers at brick and mortar schools.

Do some students and parents view our school as a place to "hide" and think that because it's online they can get away with doing minimal work or no work at all? Definitely. But in those cases, I, and many of my fellow teachers, can peg those families within the first two weeks of their enrollment in our school. And those students are quite quickly removed from our school due to issues such as failure to participate and truancy.

The internet is not just about forums and shopping. It is real.

[Margaret]

See, for me I guess it depends on how well you know the person online.

Like Gellis I have met many friends on the internet - some of them I have had the good fortune to meet in real life as well.

There are people on the net and in forums that I like and respect and would like them to like and respect me in return. Their opinion matters to me. There are also people who frequent forums who's opinions don't matter one whit to me.

Sometimes online drama is easier to walk away from because it is not happening right in front of us. It's happening to someone else far away. Someone we see online but they don't know your phone number so they can't call you to bitch about it. You say "Boy, that sucks for them." and walk away from your computer to go and get another Diet Coke. Or, you can choose the reverse - to fret and worry about this person every waking second of your day. To pop in the forums to see how they are doing, offer adivse, and forget to feed the cat because you are fretting about someone. There are just some folks who thrive on that.

So, I guess it really comes down to the individual and how they view their relationships on the internet, because I am with Gellis on this one, the internet is real and it can cause real drama in a person's life. Sure, we all want to be liked, but is it really that big a deal if two people you don't really know squable over something stupid everytime? For me, it's a no.

However, for me personally, due to how I am wired, I had to learn to not take some stuff that was said on the boards personally. I used to be upset if someone said something negative about me and it would affect my mood the rest of the day. Now, if someone I consider a friend disagrees with me - I talk to them about it and maybe agree to disagree. If it's some random person who I don't know - they have no bearing on my daily life or my opinion, so let them say what they will. All they are to me is some words on a screen.

[Lady Laurel]

Well the drama (soap opera is over for now) my drama is with not only online friends but the ones I have in real life that I meet at Cons and talk to on the phone... and its all in Roll Play with our characters...
We can scratch each others eyes out online and call each other over the phone for the recipe on apple pie we did last week...
Friday night was the worst my character went outside and got drunk to avoid it...It is all very very strange and DB I agree with you to my bullshit in real life why would I want it online...

[Black Delia]

There is an amusing visual equasion that explains this quite graphically and succinctly.. when I find the silly thing, I'll post it up.

[Selena]

I think it depends on the forum and the people associated with it. For me, this place is real life. I have personally met so many people not only thru the IWG, but through other rennie groups (AFR, Yahoo) that bled into "real" life because being a part of the rennie culture is my life. I've met one of my best friends and my guy because of an online rennie group. I can't say this isn't real, because it is. It's just a different kind of real.

But there are other online places I go to where I'm pretty confident I will never ever meet a single person except in cyberspace. And it's different. While it is real with real people behind that screen, it's an online association that will never become anything more than that... and that's where it becomes all smoke and mirrors, to a certain degree.

Does that make any sense?

[MaidenFaeSnow]

I think it depends on the forum and the people associated with it. For me, this place is real life. I have personally met so many people not only thru the IWG, but through other rennie groups (AFR, Yahoo) that bled into "real" life because being a part of the rennie culture is my life. I've met one of my best friends and my guy because of an online rennie group. I can't say this isn't real, because it is. It's just a different kind of real.

But there are other online places I go to where I'm pretty confident I will never ever meet a single person except in cyberspace. And it's different. While it is real with real people behind that screen, it's an online association that will never become anything more than that... and that's where it becomes all smoke and mirrors, to a certain degree.

Does that make any sense?

Makes perfect sense. It's as real as you let it be.

[Mistress Morigianna]

least we not for get the people that are so meek and shy in thier real life that they spend all thier time on the internet "playing devil's advicate" and stiring up trouble or is that just a troll? ::tinfoil:


LOL ran into one last week- someone came in the shop and reconized me and i asked about a point she had made online on another forum (not meanly, just tring to understand a reference) and she freaked and said she has to talk online because she would never talk about it out loud..... and that she doesn't always really believe what she posts she just likes stiring people up- its her hobby.--
WTF????

[daBaroness]

Important things first. Yes - that is a bra on my head. It belonged to my friend and former MentalPause castmate, Vicki aka Needa h'Ormone. She has really BIG hooters, and to prove it - I put her bra on my head (which is also very big). I think it makes a very fetching chapeau, don't you? ;-)

Second - Wow! How much do I owe your for your kind words? This past week has been Suckamo City for me - it's nice to know someone will actually ready my lengthy jabbersessions, muchless compliment me on them. You're a bright spot in my week - #1 with a bullet ... or maybe a bodice!!!

I think this subject is a difficult one and a one on which I waiver a lot. I do understand how it can become real life. I, too value and truly love and respect many of the people I've be fortunate enough to meet via the Internet. First among them being my twisted sorority sisters of the IWG.

I started on the Internet on a local BBS in 1994 - and it was a Godsend to me because my life at the time consisted of raising two young male children and work. I had no social life - so to be able to tuck the kids in at night and have some adult conversation in the comfort of my own living room was awesome.

I also admit many of my online relationships have developed into real-life relationships. And several of them into really draining romantic relationships. Logging on - especially here is something I have come to rely on for support, lively debate and mental stimulation, lots of good laughs and the opportunity to vent like I would if I had a decent (or any) life partner.

I have gotten caught up in drama to the point I've carried the emotions into my real life and allowed it to rent space in my brain and affect (both positively and negatively) my thoughts, actions and attitudes. At some points I've either been so angry or upset over an ongoing debate or drama that I've had to talk myself down off the walls and remind myself it's only causing me emotional distress because I allow it to - not because it really affects my daily life in any "real" way.

I still struggle with that. I struggle with being overly involved and invested in things online and things in real life that actually, physically touch and affect me. I struggle both with trying to fix everything for everyone I care for - and wanting to bitch slap others for what seems to be their constant need to keep things stirred up and their desire for any attention they can get. I think we all have some of that to an extent.

I guess what I'm trying to crystalize in my own head and heart is that I have to learn to be more discerning and selective about what really affects me and what what I choose to do about it - for my own well-being and sanity. I know for myself it's a lot easier and sometimes more gratifying to offer opinions or cyber help to someone across the Internet cloud than to deal with the "real" shit I'm wallowing in at the moment. And that ain't always easy for me.

On the other hand - when my own life seems like I'm standing in a rising cesspool with short boots - it's nice to know I can log on, come here and get some perspective on finding the drain rather than trying to bail out of the crap a tablespoon at a time.

So - I will concede that for me, the Internet does offer a kind of respite and reality from my own reality and the opportunity to develop some very valuable and meaningful relationships with other women of strength, courage, wisdom and wit.


daB I truly admire your ability to write how you do. I read your posts and at times I think, I'm not going to read that LONG post just to get an idea of what point you are trying to make. But, I DO read them. I enjoy your wit, I admire your strength, your determination and your personal resolve.

There are times that I don't post my opinion as I am not able to write out clearly what I want to say. I may be able to verbalize it, but I still have some difficulty in writing it out where it would be clearly understood.

Reading your posts makes me want to improve myself both in written and verbal expression. You are an amazing Woman and I am proud to say that I have had the opportunity to meet you and consider you a Friend.

Thank you.


By the way, is that a Bra on your head in your avatar?

[Annabella St. Clair]

I guess the best way to think of online is, be the person you are in real life. But then again, some people are jerky in real life too. In my case, who I am here is who I am there.

It's like at faire when early on you are told that "what happens at faire stays at faire". That's a load of bullpucky. If your actions hurt, then they will hurt everywhere.

The only people that don't see all of me is at work. I don't think they could handle the full Wench. They think I'm kind of a goody goody but little do they know I'm a master of the double entendra (sp?) and can sing baudy song lyrics that might make a rapper blush. They would never believe their eyes if they saw me doing a Wench walk, a kilt check, or fluffing my boobage in the parking lot.

Some people don't realize they start drama and some thrive on it. It excites them and makes them "feel" more. I, myself, get ill feeling and have to take xanax.

If none of this made sense, blame the Chinese food I ate. lol.

[prospero]

There is an amusing visual equasion that explains this quite graphically and succinctly.. when I find the silly thing, I'll post it up.

Is this what you are thinking of?
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/

[Black Delia]

YES!

only the one I saw was neatly printed in those universal-sign stick figure things...

http://www.pennyarcademerch.com/pat070381.html

but yes, thats the one and it SO fits!

thank you