In need of adivce

[Kiji]

Someone who untill I few day ago, I thought was a very good friend as suddenly been acting tottaly differnt towards me. On mermorial day weekend, everything was fine. Then she didn't talk to me the whole t txt week, and avioded me the next weekend. I emailed her and tried to set up a girls night out, and asked her if we'd been payed for some sewing we'd done.

Next thing I here, she's been telling people Ive gotten her in trouble with the irs. Didnt even called or email me about it, but told a whole bunch of other people inculding quite loudly..my boyfriend.

I write her an email telling her how this upset me since I cant seem to get her talk on the phone to me. She emails me back telling me everything annoying things I've done and all the things she's mad a me about...none of which she'd ever mentioned before. It didnt sound anything like the woman I'd come to see as my best friend. She wont tell me what she wants me to say or do to make whatever it is I did right...

I dont know what to do...do I write off what I thought was a good trusting friendship? Do I try to appease her with the money she claims she needs?
How did I not see this side of her, that could be so harsh and unfeeling?

kiji

[toosha]

Honey I wish I had an answer for you. It's never easy when a friend makes things about money.

[Nevada]

This will sound harsh but here it goes...unless you do owe her money do not give in to what amounts to emotional blackmail...if you owe her money and thats all she thinks your friendship is about than pay her, pity her, and write it off as an emotional bad debt...if you dont owe her money then dont give in to it ...keep your chin up, pity her and find friends that dont base your friendship on money...I allowed 2 people I thought were friends stay with me when the were out of work and out on the street...even after they found work they never paid me what they agreed to, btw it was their idea to pay me rent etc not mine, then they disappeared owing me 500$ and I discovered her husband had been using my computer to look at some truly disgusting porn sites...something I didnt know til my Rogue started investigating why the computer was acting up..seems I had also picked up a virus from one of the porn sites...anyway I digress...hold true to yourself and move forward....good luck to you

[jillian]

I agree with Toosha. This one sounds like a write off.

Friendships, like any other relationship, sometimes grind to an ugly halt and if this person is no longer acting like a friend to you, it's time to move on so you can put more energy into other friendships, like with people who have the emotional maturity to confront their problems instead of doing silly passive-aggressive things like whining to someone else's boyfriend.

Also - I went to high school in Rockwall many years ago. What a gorgeous town you live in. How's Lake Ray Hubbard these days?

[Tink]

I have to agree with the sentiment, that unless you *do* owe her money, then you should *not* pay her a dime.

I don't know how long you've known this person, but you say she is your best friend.

My two best friends I have known since freshman year of HS. If either of them started acting eratically or pulled 180's on me like yours has, I would be dumb-founded, but I would also know that *something* VERY major was wrong....perhaps neurological. a sudden chemical imbalance because I KNOW they'd never pull the crap your friend is pulling on you unless there was something altering their perception of reality. I know them TOO well, as they do me.

So.....my questions are Did you REALLY know this person well? Were they REALLY your best friend or was that just an assumption you made based on being in business (the sewing) and spending a lot of time with her?

You may have felt she was your best friend, but SHE obviously didn't see you as hers.

Now that may seem harsh to you, but from the sound of it, that is the case. Plain and simple.

I used to be overly trusting. I tended to work backwards of how others do...I trusted people until they proved they could not be trusted. Where as most people make people EARN their trust first. So I, like you, have been burned. Some people pick up on your trust and then use it against you. It is sad, dissappointing, and often painful, and this type of person does not care about causing you any of it. So I have learned to be more cautious when I meet new people/make friends.

Don't put the guilt on yourself that you need to get to the root of it all because "that's what a good friend does." That's BULLSHIT. You made an attempt, she lashed out at you so MOVE ON.

*If* she is just having issues or whatever, she can get her head together and then approach you to reconcile. If she does and you want to give her a second chance.....do yourself a favor and don't pick up where you left off. Approach it with your eyes wide open and do not allow yourself to get sucked in all over again and if she ever pulls the crap again, then write her off PERMANENTLY.

Personally I think this person has showed you her true colors, so I wouldn't give her or the friendship another thought. Given the crazy IRS trouble claims and her saying she needs money, I'd say that most likely what I just said best fits this situation, but never ignore the filp side of things.......

I analyze and view things from every perspective.

The curse of being a Libra.....

Now here is where I throw the flip side at you. Now when you read it keep in mind, I don't know you, just as I don't know your friend....

It is entirely possible, that you do things that do drive her CRAZY, but she has, up until recently, let them slide because you are friends. I myself, have had people I'm friends with that do and say things that irk the HELL out of me, but I let it slide until one day I just lose my shit and decide I am fed up and have had enough of their bad behavior.

This happened a couple years ago with a person I ran in a similar circle with. This person seemed very nice when I first met them. Normal, etc. However, once they started hanging out in a similar circle (unfortunately because I introduced her to my friends...), I started to see this person for who they really were. This person was rude, obnoxious, treated people around them like they were there to serve them, ordered people around, and to make matters worse had absolutely NO common sense or good judgement. They would exhibit inappropriate behavior in PUBLIC places that made people embarrassed and mortified to be seen with them. Behavior, I for one, did not wish to be associated with. Nor did I wish to witness their rudeness or be subjected to it any longer. So I walked away, as did several other people they knew over the course of the last couple years.

Now I know this person is completely oblivious as to why I no longer talk to them because they are the type that would never fathom in a million years that maybe the problem is with THEM. Many times I have wished I could just go off on them, vent it all out and tell them off. However I know it's a waste of my time.

Now this person is an extreme case, I know. I am sure you are not anything like them. But our behavior, quirks, etc can sometimes just rub people the wrong way and every person has a breaking point.

I hope giving you this angle doesn't upset you...because I don't mean it to do so. Just merely showing another possible side. Who knows? Maybe the way you clang your spoon in your coffee mug drives her nuts and it finally wore her down.

Sometimes even the best of friends need a break from eachother. When me and my best friend Jimi went to England back in 94, we'd been friends for 5 years. By the end of the trip, we weren't speaking much and we took nearly 3 months "off" from eachother. Sometimes friends are better friends when they don't spend too much time together. So maybe it is something that silly and your friend just needs a break for a while.

I know I have a few friends who I love dearly, but if I has to spend time with them constantly, I'd drown them. Some people are best in small doses. I know that others probably feel that way about me too.

Well, I've said a pagefull (or two).

[daBaroness]

I agree with everyone here. If you truly owe her money, pay her and be done with it. She seems more than a bit unstable and at the very least, immature. Even if every accusation she's made against you were true, there are probably a zillion ways she could have handled it better.

Two simple quotes come to mind about her irrational behavior ... first Shakespeare, "methinks the woman doth protest too much." In other words, she's one of those people who simply won't accept responsibility and loudly blames everyone else for her problems. A rational person would speak first to the person they feel they've been wronged by and do their best to work out an amicable solution.

The second quote is one you've heard from me before, but it's especially fitting here ... by Maya Angelou who wisely says, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them!" In this case she's clearly showing you her own irresponsibility, irrationality and the value she places on your friendship.

Hon - it's her problem, not yours. And though I'm sure you're puzzled, hurt, and confused right now, remember there are plenty of people in the world who will truly value your friendship and honor it in the way you do. As others have wisely said, assess what you might honestly and truly owe her and if necessary make repairations to that end. Beyond that, bless her and move on.

Finally, if she does come to her senses and makes apology - accept it gracefully and remember she's shown you who she is. Move on as peacefully and diplomatically as possible because she'll undoubtedly go psycho on you again.

dB

[Kiji]

Thank you all so much, for you kind words adivce and something harsh turths.

I know I'm new here so Ireally didnt expect to many people to anwser,andepsical not with so much wonderful advice.

I'm going to try once more to talk to her,if only becuase I want to end things on at least a civil note.

Its just really hard that maybe come next year the girl that introudced me to faire won't be one of the people I run around with on site.

Ah well. Such is life I guess.

Thanks again everyone.

Kiji

[Nevada]

Shoot Kiji if you are talking about running around Scarby you can join us...we even tailgate lunch with a larger group of playtrons...really cool bunch of people and am looking forward to seeing them again soon

[Kiji]

That would be great! Thanks :D


kiji