Nursery Rhymes and a Fairy Tale for Adults

[Branwen]

Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up,She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill And now they have a son.

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings' horses, And all the kings' men. Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry. And when the boys came out to play, He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad........ She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.



This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us as little girls!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up home in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. "

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: I don't f *** ing think so.

[Sorcha Griannon]

frickin' funny!

Sorcha

[Buxom Wench]

*once again, lack of 'WARNING' label drowns keyboard in tea*


...

[Lady Sarah]

Ohhh let me see if I can remember two of the ones mom taught me..

Mary Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
"With silver bells and cockleshells... and one damned petunia!"


Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, sat down beside her and said, "Whattya got in the bowl, bitch?"

hehe.... Mary had a little lamb... boy wasn't she surprised!!

[Buxom Wench]

Ohhh let me see if I can remember two of the ones mom taught me..

Mary Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
"With silver bells and cockleshells... and one damned petunia!"


Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, sat down beside her and said, "Whattya got in the bowl, bitch?"

hehe.... Mary had a little lamb... boy wasn't she surprised!!

SAWWWAAHHHHH!!!!

Did you NOT see my previous post?!?!?!?

WARNING LABELS -- WARNING LABELS

[WenchLadyKate]

Mary had a little lamb, the doctor was so surprised. But, you should have seen his face when Old MacDonald had a FARM!

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider so she smashed it with her spoon.

And I will give credit to the great Andrew Dice Clay:
Jack and Jill went up the hill, both with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50! OH!

[Lady Laurel]

I bet the frog legs tasted great.

[Lavinia]

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, and what a big tuffet it was, so if you feel insecure, just sit next to her and you won't feel so bad anymore.

[CelticBombshell]

too funny

mel

[Winifred Baskerville]

hehe.... Mary had a little lamb... boy wasn't she surprised!!

I remember this one:

Mary had a little lamb, she ate it with mint jelly. And everywhere that Mary went the lamb went in her belly.

Rather tame, that, I suppose...