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Thread: I'm glad it's finally over

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    Madame Chatterbox SHpepperKat has a spectacular aura about SHpepperKat has a spectacular aura about SHpepperKat has a spectacular aura about SHpepperKat's Avatar
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    Default I'm glad it's finally over

    Here I go off on another rant. I had to go with my parents today to sign some legal papers and got a message from my grandfather that he wanted to talk to me. First off I don't know why he had to call the lawyer's office and have them give me the message. Especially since I know he has my phone number. So I called him to see what he wanted. he wanted me to meet him somewhere to talk about things that are bothering him. Well I had too much to do so I got him to start talking on the phone. The first thing he said to me was that he wouldn't be coming to my wedding in August. He then proceeded to go into a long laundry list of all the things that he seems to think I have control over. The gist of the whole thing is that all my parents financial problems and the fact that they are getting a divorce is all my fault.

    This man has never been proud of anything that I have done nor has anything that I've ever done been the right thing in his eyes. He went so far as to say that when I had both my children, I should have had abortions because I wasn't married. I shoudl have known at that point that there would never be anything I could do right. He has put me down, talked down to me and treated me like kaka. Today was the last straw. When he started in on me once again I finally lost it. I told him very calmly but with anger in my voice that the conversation was over. I no longer wanted to speak to him and that if he ever did anything to hurt my kids I would never forgive him.

    I still don't know what his whole point was and I really don't care. I just needed to get this out of my system and try to put it out of my mind. I have spent 39 years trying to please this man and I am done. I wish I had thought of it sooner but after I hung up the phone I thought that I should have told him to practice what he preaches. He claims to be a practicing Budhist. But he's not like any other one I have ever met.

    So the long and the short of it is that I have just severed all ties with my grandfather. Does anyone have one that I can share ?

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    Madame Chatterbox Kathryn Blakeley will become famous soon enough Kathryn Blakeley will become famous soon enough Kathryn Blakeley's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm glad it's finally over

    Good for you! You don't deserve to be treated like that. Especially from a grandparent. That's just ridiculous.


    I'd share mine but one is kinda senile (my Papa) and the other (my Grandpa) has been dead for about 10 years. You might like my Papa. Whenever he sees me, he hums 'Gal from Kalamazoo' because I go to Western Michigan University (located in Kalamazoo). He also loves to tell me that I look exactly like his mother, my Great-Grandma Gussie, who I'm partly named after (my middle name is Gail). I don't think I look much like her but I won't argue with Papa. He (and my step-grandma aka my Janet) love that I'm involved with ren fest and stuff. When I was younger he and Bubbie used to take me and my sisters to the dollar store all the time and feed us cheesy popcorn. :)

  3. #3
    Verbose Veteran daBaroness is a glorious beacon of light daBaroness is a glorious beacon of light daBaroness is a glorious beacon of light daBaroness is a glorious beacon of light daBaroness is a glorious beacon of light daBaroness is a glorious beacon of light daBaroness's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm glad it's finally over

    Nobody can hurt you like family. Perhaps old grandad has slipped a mental cog. Maybe he's just a bitter old man who refused to learn the lesson of self responsibility - I'm guessing he was a bitter young man as well.

    While it's painful, you're absolutely doing the right thing by cutting the ties with him. No decent person, muchless a grandparent, belittles, insults and blames someone else for everything they see wrong in the world. Your parents' divorce is certainly not your fault or your responsibility. And for your grandfather to treat you the way he does is simply unconscionable!

    I don't mean to be flip - but it sounds like the old geezer is too mean to die.

    Have a wonderful wedding WITHOUT the old man. And while you're at it - have a wonderful life without him as well. Don't spend another minute trying to please and gain the acceptance of someone who is clearly so bitter and nasty. His lot in life is a result of his own choices - not anything you've done or haven't done and while it's difficult to deal with a family member who is so hateful and mean-spirited, you owe this man nothing.

    Frankly - I'm shocked that your parents haven't intervened in this situation - there's no way my own parents would have stood for anyone being so caustic and damaging to my brother or me without there being hell to pay for it. But there's often no accounting for the values or behavior of others - even if they're blood relatives.

    Finally - I like what Dr. Phil says about this kind of thing - that sometimes we just have to give ourselves what we so desperately wanted our parents or other loved ones to give us. If you still feel unworthy - simply look at your children and know you must be a pretty amazing woman to have been entrusted with their care and upbringing. And take care of those amazing childrens' mother!

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    Member of Local 34 Verbose Veteran Isabelle Warwicke is a glorious beacon of light Isabelle Warwicke is a glorious beacon of light Isabelle Warwicke is a glorious beacon of light Isabelle Warwicke is a glorious beacon of light Isabelle Warwicke is a glorious beacon of light Isabelle Warwicke is a glorious beacon of light Isabelle Warwicke's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm glad it's finally over

    Quote Originally Posted by SHpepperKat View Post
    Does anyone have one that I can share ?
    Sorry, mine are both gone...one died when I was 10 and the other died in 2000. I was close with both of mine and loved them dearly...I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with yours. I can share stories though.

    You made a good decision, be strong and know that you put you first and that is important.
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    Madame Chatterbox LdyJhawk is a glorious beacon of light LdyJhawk is a glorious beacon of light LdyJhawk is a glorious beacon of light LdyJhawk is a glorious beacon of light LdyJhawk is a glorious beacon of light LdyJhawk's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm glad it's finally over

    I just realized after my mom and her husband being married for two years that in theory I have step-grandparents. There isn't tons of love there though. I think I've seen them about three times and I'm always "Allen's wife's daughter" *shrug*

    All of my grandparents were dead by the time I was 15 but let me say this, family does not make a good person.

    My memories of my grandma Bogner (Mom's mom) were never pleasant and she died when I was 8. I have vivid memories of hearing, "get that ugly little brat out of my kitchen! I won't have her in this house!" while she sat holding my cousin on her lap. She hated me because she hated my father. Ah..family.

    My grandpa Bogner rocked though. You can share him! He's dead but I can tell you stories!


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    Member of Local 24 Gifted with Gab mstarfire has a spectacular aura about mstarfire has a spectacular aura about mstarfire's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm glad it's finally over

    Friends are God's apology for family.....

    Perhaps you could 'adopt' grandparents at Faire or here?
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    Default Re: I'm glad it's finally over

    My dad's mother never really accepted any of us. She pretended, but it was very obvious that my dad's sister and her family were the favorites. She talked my dad's mother into divorcing my grandpa after 60 years of marriage. They believed there was money to be had through a divorce, and when they learned there was none there were accusations thrown everywhere. What a very ugly situation. I felt very bad for my dad.
    I remember as a child being VERY uncomfortable when we went to visit my dad's parents. Even when I was very young I could sense the lack of love.
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    Default Re: I'm glad it's finally over

    Quote Originally Posted by mstarfire View Post
    Friends are God's apology for family.....
    Boy, isn't that the truth!

    I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but you dealt with it so well.

    I haven't any grandparents, nor a father - all have passed, long ago. It's okay, you can do without a grandpa, especially one as nasty as he. I applaud your decision to cut ties. Hang in there, it may get tough when other family members push you to treat him as family again.

    For me, family is who I choose to embrace and welcome into my life. I have a large family, but very few blood relations.

    Like you, I severed ties with a family member (just over ten years ago), and it was not always an easy choice to live with. My family member is my brother, and my mom would be on me all the time about how I, "Shouldn't be like that." Well, my brother has brought too much pain into my life, not to mention he's a criminal and a herion addict. I don't want a sick and hurtful person in my life and certainly don't want that around my kid. I know for me it was the right thing to do. I am not responsible for making others happy about my choices.

    take care of yourself and your kids...
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    Default Re: I'm glad it's finally over

    Quote Originally Posted by SHpepperKat View Post
    He went so far as to say that when I had both my children, I should have had abortions because I wasn't married.


    Holy shit, dude. That is beyond insane. No offense, but I think that guy has lost it. What kind of person would say something like that? I'm sorry you had to hear that.
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    Member of Local 13 Needs a Hobby RaevynCait has a spectacular aura about RaevynCait has a spectacular aura about RaevynCait's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm glad it's finally over

    It's a sucky thing to have to do, but sometimes the ties have to be cut. I severed ties with my father almost 2 years ago. Nothing I have ever done ever pleased or impressed him, largely due to the fact that I am a girl, and he is still bitter over the divorce (in 1980). I'd had very little contact with him for 25 years, and he suddenly decided to begin ranting and blaming me for things he had done. At that time I told him that I had long ago forgiven him for being the mean and hateful person he is (I have), and that I realize he is an unhappy person. I choose to surround myself with positive and upbeat people and have found peace in my life. I told him that I hope, with all my heart, that he will someday find peace in his life, but that in order for me to maintain MY peace, his peace cannot ever include me.
    I found, once I stopped trying to be the person that I thought others expected me to be, I am much happier and have less drama in my life. Your priority needs to be your peace, and maintaining a loving and stable environment for your children. You deserve a wonderful wedding and life, and it sounds as if his presence would likely not contribute in a meaningful, positive way, so just enjoy your day with the people who do love you and support the decisions you make

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