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Thread: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

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    Member of Local 21 Madame Chatterbox ambar is on a distinguished road ambar's Avatar
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    Default Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

    December 8 6:00 PM

    It started to snow. The first snow of the season and

    the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by

    the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down

    from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So

    romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!





    December 9

    We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow

    covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic

    sight! Can there be a more lovely place in

    the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've

    ever had!

    Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a

    boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

    This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered

    up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got

    to shovel again. What a perfect life!





    December 12

    The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a

    disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-

    we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on

    Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much

    snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see

    snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such

    a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.





    December 14

    Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The

    temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything

    sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed

    up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is

    the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and

    buried everything again. I didn't

    realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,

    but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish

    I wouldn't huff and puff so.





    December 15

    20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4

    Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2

    extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants

    a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think

    that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.





    December 16

    Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in

    the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The

    wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very

    cruel.





    December 17

    Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go

    anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to

    pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but

    stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I

    should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to

    her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe

    I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom.





    December 20

    Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of

    the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all

    day. The damn snowplow came by twice.

    Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said

    they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're

    lying.

    Called the only hardware store around to see about

    buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have

    another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob

    says I have to shovel or the city will have it done

    and bill me. I think he's lying.





    December 22

    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more

    inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold,

    it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes

    to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I

    had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and

    dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to

    hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of

    the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the

    asshole is lying.





    December 23

    Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.

    The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house

    this morning. What is she, nuts?!!

    Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She

    says she did but I think she's lying.





    December 24

    6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke

    the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I

    ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow

    plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and

    beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he

    hides around the corner and waits for me to finish

    shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100

    miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just

    been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas

    carols with her and open our presents, but I was too

    busy watching for the damn snowplow.





    December 25

    Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn

    slop tonight - Snowed in

    The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate

    the snow!

    Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation

    and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife

    says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking

    idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one

    more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.





    December 26

    Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It

    was all HER idea.

    She's really getting on my nerves.





    December 27

    Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;

    plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he

    only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.





    December 28

    Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is

    driving me crazy!!!





    December 29

    10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or

    it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever

    heard. How dumb does he think I am?





    December 30

    Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now

    he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the

    beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the

    broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to

    her mother.

    Nine more inches predicted.





    December 31

    I set fire to what's left of the house. No more

    shoveling.





    January 8

    Feel so good. I just love those little white pills

    they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
    Ambar Kittencrantz
    Wench # 2495 - Pricked Finger Society #32 - T.T./3 - Nefarious #1
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    Which one was I again? The rat or the cockroach?
    Proud member of the Pack of Wild Dogs
    What part of MEOW don't you understand?



    (my Argent Dawn don't seem to be working yet)

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    Gifted with Gab *Gremco is on a distinguished road
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    Default Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

    hehehe.. and my husband wonders why I like Texas. I've never even seen a snow shovel.
    Transient guests are we....

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    Verbose Veteran MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler



    I do love snow though!!
    Grog Wench/Morale Maiden - The Wench's Pride
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    Member of Local 24 Madame Chatterbox Lady Hefron is just really nice Lady Hefron is just really nice Lady Hefron is just really nice Lady Hefron is just really nice Lady Hefron's Avatar
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    Default Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

    I HATE the snow. God, am I living in the wrong part of the country.
    Wench #3559
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    Needs a Hobby Holly will become famous soon enough Holly will become famous soon enough Holly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

    Quote Originally Posted by MaidenFaeSnow View Post


    I do love snow though!!
    I do too.. until i have to drive to work...
    Holly The Great
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  6. #6
    Madame Chatterbox Gemdrite is a name known to all Gemdrite is a name known to all Gemdrite is a name known to all Gemdrite is a name known to all Gemdrite is a name known to all Gemdrite is a name known to all Gemdrite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

    I hate snow, so I moved someplace where it doesn't. Then, for some dumb reason, I am flying home for Christmas, where they will have the first white Christmas in several years. Dammit.
    "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." - Stuart Chase

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    Member of Local 21 Madame Chatterbox ambar is on a distinguished road ambar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

    My uncle from Michigan sent it to me. I got to burning the house down and was rolling on the floor. The little white pills did me in. No idea where he got it, but he found a good one this time.
    Ambar Kittencrantz
    Wench # 2495 - Pricked Finger Society #32 - T.T./3 - Nefarious #1
    Sister 2 of the Sick Sisters of SSPF - Chaser of Tails and Purveyor of the 'nip - "Kitty Crack? Er, is no' mine... but THAT is."
    The Daft Feline from Hades of the SSPF
    DOVE - "And your point is?"

    StealthStealthStealthStealthStealthStealthStealthS tealthStealthStealthStealth*Whap*
    Some mornings it doesn't pay to take the cat off your face.
    Which one was I again? The rat or the cockroach?
    Proud member of the Pack of Wild Dogs
    What part of MEOW don't you understand?



    (my Argent Dawn don't seem to be working yet)

  8. #8
    Gifted with Gab Gwen will become famous soon enough Gwen will become famous soon enough Gwen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

    Thanks for that! It made me smile I used to live in Pittsburgh and had all sorts of snow growing up. So I totally was there about the shoveling. Dad then got transferred to TN and I moved with the family. I was there for 11 nearly snowless years! After graduation, I moved back up to PA (Philly this time) and realized how much I missed snow. I totally love it now! The first night back up here when it snow my hubby (then BF) cracked up when he realized it was 4 am and I was outside in PJs and a winter coat making snow angels. After we got married and bought the house, we had our first snow here. I ran outside (again while he slept) and used my feet to write "I <> you" in the snow. So he gave me one of "his smiles" when he looked out the window and saw my message to him. I got a pic of it and the local news channel posted it on their website! Ok, rambling mode shutting down now! None the less, thanks for the post!

    Gwen
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    but Satisfaction brought her back!



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  9. #9
    Verbose Veteran MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

    Quote Originally Posted by Holly View Post
    I do too.. until i have to drive to work...
    A couple of years ago, my husband and I left for work one very snowy morning. We really should not have left the house at all, the drive was horrible...trucks were overturned, cars skidding all over. My drive to work is 70 miles one way. It took over 3 hours to get there and when I did get there, there wasn't a flake to be seen on the other end!! It continued to snow all day at home and the drive back was only slightly better with the road crews having had time to plow and salt. I vowed never to do that again!!
    Grog Wench/Morale Maiden - The Wench's Pride
    Lady Twitch MacGiggle - Clan MacGiggle
    Mischief MacBoom-Official Evidence Collector
    "Tis the Kissing Bridge, not the Birthing Bridge!" So sayeth the Sheriff, So Sayeth Dy
    "ROBOWench" per the Pocket Pirate!
    I was ROGUED! 4.20.08

    Handbook Links

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  10. #10
    Member of Local 57 Wily Wench Chrystiana is on a distinguished road Chrystiana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

    I love looking at the snow and driving in it (yes I'm crazy), I'm not much of a fan of playing in it though. My hands get to the point of hurting from the cold too quickly. Guess I'm just a big baby when it comes to the cold.
    Every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back...
    Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.


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