The First Time - Sex, Lies, and Videotape?

[daBaroness]

OK - I'm bored and depressed, so I feel the need to stir things up.

So ... share the details (spicy, gorey, humorous, romantic, or otherwise) of your first time ... the day, or night you lost your virginity. Was it terribly romantic or just terrible? Was is on a bed of rose petals, or the backseat of a '76 Gremlin? Was it with Mr./Ms. right, wrong, or in-between? Share as much or as little as you like without getting yourself or the entire guild in hot water .

Try to answer the following: Who (you can leave out last names, or come up with a nom d'amour); What (well, we sorta know that one already; When; Where; and Why (different reasons for different seasons). You can also include your age at the time if you like.

Mine:

Who: My long-time high school sweetheart and long-distance boyfriend Craig ... who's now a woman named Anne (but that's another story). We met the summer before my sophomore year at a Kiwanis Chicken BBQ put on by my grandfather's club. Craig's mom worked for my grandfather and to this day I don't know if grandpa purposely matched us up working at the BBQ or whether it was dumb luck. Anyway, from the moment we met it was like we were glued together. We spent endless hours on the phone because he lived about 45 miles away, and we lived for the times his dad would bring him over for a few hours on a Saturday or my family went to Ypsilanti (Michigan) to visit my grandparents. My family moved to Minneapolis, MN in December of my sophomore year, so Craig and I carried on a heart-wrenching long-distance relationship all through high school. (Can we say stupid?)

What: Who had a clue - we were both virgins?!

When: Christmas Day, 1973 at about 1 p.m. Hey - it was a religious experience!

Where: The home of Craig's parents ... specifically in the basement bedroom of his younger brother (no wonder he turned out badly) in Ypsilanti, Michigan. His parents and siblings had gone to his grandmother's out in the country for Christmas dinner. My family was back in Michigan for the holidays and I'd gotten them to agree to let me spend the holiday with his family. We came up with some story about going to visit someone before we went to his grandmother's so we could have some alone time. What I remember most is their family dog barking incessantly and me being terrified we'd get busted. I kept jumping off the bed when the dog barked making for a truly romantic interlude.

I also remember thinking "is this what all the hoopla is about ... sheesh, what a let down." And later, at his grandmother's, when I went to the bathroom and realized the law of biology and physics applied, I was really grossed out and convinced I'd never do THAT again.

WHY: I was in luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv and completely convinced I was going to marry him.

Learning Curve: If you're a virgin ... don't do it with another virgin ... someone needs to know what they're doing ... don't do it in the basement bedroom of a sibling ... and don't underestimate the effect finding out the person you had your first experience with might change genders 27 years later can have on your psyche!

Finally - I think I'm living proof you can regain your virginity through non-use. I'm looking forward to a first-time reprise when and if I find the right guy and this time I'm going for the full romantic fantasy.

daBaroness

[jmthane]

Oh, there's definitely born-again virgins. Just wait 'til I have my surgery...

[Mairi the Herbwench]

Who: Skip, a guy I met at the theatre and had been dating (and who intoduced me to my husband of almost 20 years and got us back together 3 times until it took - 'nother story)

What: Hmmm - he wasn't, I was - technically - had done everything except The Big One, and I'd done a LOT ofreading

Where: A grassy field - the grass was over our heads when we were laying down, so all we saw was the blue sky, the grass, and each other

When: Summer - I called in sick to work (I was 17, working a summer job) a beautiful day, not too hot or buggy

Why: Why not? I was ready, he was ready, we're still good friends (he's still a guy,) and it was fun.

Finished the day in my sister's basement - I was living with her at the time and she didn't care (both parents dead by then) and it still as good as the first time. Got a mild sunburn that was interesting to explain - hard to get it on the inside of thighs without getting it anywhere else. I'd do it again!

[Tink]

Okay...I'll bite:

First time was when I was 18 with my first serious boyfriend.

It was at a mutual friend's house who he was house-sitting for Easter week.

He didn't set it up to be at all romantic...what does an 18 year old, horny male know of romance anyway, I suppose..

We watched Strange Brew (yes, that's right that Rick Moranis love of beer Canadian comic extravaganza of a film....) At the end he said he was tired and was going to bed....was I coming with him? (Smooth...I know...)

We went upstairs to our friends bedroom and did it. It hurt like HELL. He later described it as banging "it" into a brick wall. I may have been willing, but my body wasn't and it clenched EVERY muscle in an effort to thwart the inevitable....

I did it because I loved him, not because I was ready. HUGE mistake, because I think had I waited until I was ready, it would have been a better experience. We did date for 4 years after and the sex did get good. So all's well that ends well.

Funny leading up to the deed. We had had this all night talk about doing it a few weeks prior and I was set on waiting until I got married. He said he was used to dating girls who did or something like that and basically said he wasn't waiting for me. He left around 7am and unknown to me at the time, drove straight to another mutual friend's house who we had met through and cried his eyes out about how he had just blown it with me. He decided he loved me too much to lose me over it so he'd deal with no sex.

I seperately had discussed it with a couple friends and decided that I loved him and not doing it wasn't worth losing him over.

Needless to say, when he found out that I had decided to do it, he was surprised and thrilled. Pity it sucked....

[Belladonna]

Who: My first 'real' boyfriend Eric. Though I should have waited for my first love.

Where: My bedroom. Middle of the afternoon after school.

When: Gods, I cant remember the date, I have it written in my journal at the time, which is currently packed away.

Why: Cause I did love him, but not really enough. Cause I felt like I was ready and I was, though I honestly should have waited a little longer to have the experience that I wanted.

I dated Eric as a rebound from Scott. We ended up lasting two years off and on. Ysobelle can remember I'm sure. I did love him to a degree, but Scott was my first true love, and we ended up getting together a couple of years later. Looking back I should have waited for him. We had been playing around for a while, and things just led that way. (Seems that happens with EVERY guy I've ever been with)

It wasnt the experience that I wanted, the whole rose petals, candle light dinner, etc. But it also made me realize I'll probably never have that.

[Tempest_Gypsy]

Who: My ex-fiance', thought we weren't engaged at that point. We are, obviously, no longer together.

What: Um, duh. We were both virigins, though, and I totally agree with the baronees because it sucked.

When: I was seventeen and a freshman in college, he was 18 and a freshman in college.

Where: My dorm room. Spring semester, I somehow had my own room.

Why: I thought I was in love, I was horny, he was male, so of course he wanted to.

Wish I hadn't done it with him, after three years I ound out he was a total ass-wipe. He wasn't happy after the first two months of our relationship and were were together fomr soemthing like five before we had sex and three years before he decided to dump me. Hung around basically because I paid the bills. Dumb boys.

[Magdalene]

Who: Larry, a man I was stationed with in Panama.

Where: Oh, kinda answered that--his room in the barracks. (He lucked out, he had his own, no roommates to suddenly walk in.)

When: I don't remember the exact date, but sometime between Operation Just Cause and my 20th birthday (I actually think right before it.)

What: *sigh* Unfortunately....it *really* sucked for me. Larry was sweet, gentle, and very comforting, but something was very, very, wrong. After several very bad attempts, Larry convinced me I should go see an OB/GYN. It was the right thing to do--turned out my hymen was "abnormal" and I had to have it surgically removed. Ugh!!!! But it was definitely better after that, and I do have to say that he (Larry) was very sweet and very worried about me during that whole thing. So....it kinda erased the "not-good" attempts. In a way I think I lucked out being with him first, I wonder how many guys would've done what he did.

[Lady Gaea]

Not that I really want to think about it, but my first time was a rape when I was 14, by someone I thought was a friend. What a way to start things off. Sometimes I still think it's a miracle that I've ended up as normal as I have.
*sigh*

Heather

[Dranaan94]

OK, I didn't do the poll, because I am on the fence about a couple of things. My first time was when I was 18. The circumstances ruled it, more than anything else. I was simply ready. I was in a sort of relationship with a person I thought I was really into. L ater turned out not to be at all interested, which was fine since he turned out to be an ass. However, at *the* time, he was fine. happened in the basement room of his father's house - his bedroom/own apartment, sans kitchen. He genuinely cared for me and the experience itself was great. No pain, had *one*, and even got some gothic romance out of the deal. The fact that the relationship eventually ended (my decision) and post-relationship things were sour have no bearing on the night itself. I harbor no bad thoughts about the event itself.
To be honest, I am not sure that he had anything to do with my decision. As I said earlier, I was ready and likely would have been so whether I had a boyfriend or not. The fact that I was involved with someone made it a little nicer, but I sometimes wonder if maybe no emotional attachment your first time might not be the better way - like the old tribal tales of young boys and girls going to the cillage "expert" for their first time, to both loose their virginity and be schooled in the ways of sexuality. I believe we put too much emphasis on the emotional and not enough on the physical. Sex can and ideally should be a melange of both, but there is nothing wrong with putting the physical above the emotional every once in a while.

Just my thoughts.

Dranaan

[cyd]

I'm not going into details on my first time, namely because the man in question is well known by a number of you here. Besides, one doesn't kiss and tell... At least, not about the guy you're still in love with, and on a public forum. ;)

Actually, what I have is a question.

Am I one of the few women left in existance who waited until marriage?

That's not meant as an insulting question at all, honestly. I believe it's a personal choice for whomever does it and with whomever they do it. I always personally believed if a guy wasn't willing to wait, he wasn't worth waiting for. And it's a policy that quite honestly screened out one or two who basically didn't want to have a relationship if they couldn't have nookie without the commitment. I am very much the monogamist, and to me, sex is the ultimate expression of love in the relationship (call me a wolf. Wolves mate for life). I can't just "do it" just for grits and shiggles.

I remember in high school, one potential relationship (never got past the friendship stage, I think in part because of my own resolution to NOT do it before marriage) asked me the question: "well what if you reach your thirties or something and you're still not married? Are you gonna stay a virgin the rest of your life if you don't find someone who feels the same way?" And I said quite honestly, yes, because if a guy wasn't willing to wait, he wasn't worth waiting for. Greg told me to call him back when I turned thirty and let him know if I still felt the same way.

Where's his phone number, dammit? I wouldn't mind being able to tell him nowadays that yes, there was strength behind my convictions, and it wasn't just something said by an innocent teenager...

Besides... Just because one waits until marriage to have actual intercourse, doesn't mean that there wasn't some interesting playtime that didn't happen on the side... ;)

Cyd (I need to steal janelle's sigfile... (mostly) sweet and innocent... *grin*)