Morning LOL weather advisory...
Had to share, ladies! Enjoy! :D
---Leela
Tom Ferrick Jr. | A shovelful of tips to beat snow woes
By Tom Ferrick Jr.
Inquirer Columnist
Experts have identified two great stresses we must face in the
winter: (a) the weather, and (b) weather forecasts.
Not necessarily in that order.
To help you avoid stress, I have consulted experts - psychologists,
psychiatrists, priests, ministers, personal trainers and one guru -
and have come up with a list.
(Experts and journalists always come up with lists. In fact, it's No.
1 on "The List of Things Experts and Journalists Always Come Up
With.")
So here is my patented and copyrighted Ten Ways to Avoid Winter
Weather-Related Stress.
1. Don't channel surf between stations during the weather
segment. It will only make matters worse. Stick to one forecast,
even if it's wrong.
Trying to determine the average of accuracy among five or six
forecasts could do serious neurological damage, the experts say.
2. When in doubt, use the weather forecast in the newspaper. It
may be wrong, but at least it won't get you excited and upset.
Besides, it's nice for a change to look at a weather map where the
isobars don't move. If they do start to move, consult an
ophthalmologist, the experts say.
3. Prolonged watching of Doppler radar has been known to cause
liver cancer in laboratory rats, the experts say. Just keep that in
mind.
4. Despite what you may hear on TV, if bad weather is
approaching, there is no real need to stock up.
Granted, people had to stock up in the past - say, in 16th-century
France - because there were no Wawas. There weren't even any
Acmes.
Today, a wide selection of food stores are usually close by. This
explains why folks today don't have root cellars and why they
don't keep 50-gallon barrels of salted cod tucked under the
stairway.
Fresh food is readily available, the experts say.
A warning: In isolated instances, due to inclement weather, you
may have to leave the car at home and walk to the store.
On the bright side, it's a story you'll be able to tell your grandchildren.
5. For the rare times stores cannot open, use all those canned
goods you've been keeping in the back of the kitchen cabinet. If
you go online, you can find many interesting recipes for garbanzo
bean and tuna salad, red beet and pumpkin puree.
Enjoy those ramen noodles you bought at the 4-for-$1 sale.
Remember: Pitted black olives make excellent snacks straight from
the can - or you can stuff them with garbanzo beans.
Improvise and have fun, the experts say.
6.If you look out the window and see snow, the odds are
overwhelming that it is snowing across a wide area. It is very rare
to get snow concentrated within a one- or two-block area, the
experts say.
Also, crews will be out salting and plowing in a storm, as they
have routinely done for the last 50-plus years.
Finally, if the snowfall is heavy, it will have an adverse effect on
traffic, causing accidents and slowing commuting times.
In other words, it is probably not necessary to turn on the TV to
confirm that (a) it is snowing; (b) crews are plowing; (c) traffic is
snarled.
Instead, relax and read a book. It will do you a world of good, the
experts say.
7. When weather forecasters say there is a 40 percent chance of
snow, it means there is a 60 percent chance it won't snow.
8. When they say: "We're tracking the storm," it means they don't
know what is going to happen.
9. When they say: "It looks like this might be a big one," it means
they don't know what is going to happen.
10. The experts say bad weather happens, OK? This isn't L.A.
We're going to get snow, sleet, rain, frigid temperatures, gusty
winds. Get used to it. On the other hand, we don't get big earthquakes.
Look upon it as a trade-off.
Next time you're stuck in traffic in the snow, be thankful that at
least the earth won't open up, creating a gaping chasm that
swallows you and your car and buries you alive beneath tons of dirt.
Snow is better, the experts say.
Much better.
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