Fluff - a funny for today...

[Absinthe d'Accalia]

One of the women at work sent this. I about snorted coffee out my nose, I was laughing so hard...


Exam Questions! (These really appeared on tests in public schools.)

Geography
Q: Explain the process by which water can be made safe to drink
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink. It removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What causes the tides in the ocean?
A: The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology
Q: What happens to your body when you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A: Premature death

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to a bull instead of a cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow (He got an A)

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (eg abdomen)
A: The body is consisted of three parts - the branium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section'?
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

English
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

[In Hiding]

:rotfl:

Great one!

Out of the mouths of babes...

[*Gremco]

HeHe, thanks I needed that.

Seen on a California written driving test;

Q: If four vehicles arrive at a four way stop at the same time, who has the right of way?

A: The one with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying "Guns don't kill people. I do."

[Constance Innuendo]

>Q: What is your date of birth?
>A: July fifteenth.
>Q: What year?
>A: Every year. >

>Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. >

>Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.
>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>Q: How long has he lived with you?
>A: Forty-five years. >

>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that >morning? >A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>Q: And why did that upset you?
>A: My name is Susan. >

>Q: And where was the location of the accident?
>A: Approximately milepost 499.
>Q: And where is milepost 499?
>A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. >

>Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
>A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. >

>Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
>A: After the accident?
>Q: Before the accident.
>A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. >

>Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or >occult?
>A: We both do.
>Q: Voodoo?
>A: We do.
>Q: You do?
>A: Yes, voodoo. >

>Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights >flashing?
>A: Yes. >Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
>A: Yes, sir.
>Q: What did she say?
>A: What disco am I at? >

>Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
>A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel. >

>Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice >which I sent to your attorney?
>A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. >

> >But the witnesses don't have anything on the lawyers: >

>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he >doesn't know about it until the next morning? >

>Q: This myasthenia gravis--does it affect your memory at all?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>A: I forget.
>Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've >forgotten? >

>Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? >

>Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? >

>Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? >

>Q: Did he kill you? >

>Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

> Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? >

>Q: How many times have you committed suicide? >

> Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>A: Yes.
> Q: And what were you doing at that time? >

>Q: She had three children, right?
>A: Yes.
>Q: How many were boys?
>A: None.
>Q: Were there any girls? >

>Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? > >

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
> A: I went to Europe, Sir.
>Q: And you took your new wife? >

> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>A: By death.
>Q: And by whose death was it terminated? >

>Q: Can you describe the individual?
>A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>Q: Was this a male, or a female? >

> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. >

>Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>A: Oral. >

>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > >
And the topper:

>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
> A: No.
>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
> A: No.
>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
>A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. > > > > >

[Nightfire]

Those are all great. Just what I needed. :D

[Gabrielle.Riley]

bwahahah those were awesome! :rotfl: