A Christmas Poem - IF I WERE SANTA, I'D -

[I'Cin]

If I were a rockin' Santa,
You know what I'd do?
I'd dump the silly gifts
That are given to you.

I'd deliver some things
Just inside your front door --
Things you have lost,
But treasured before.

I'd give you back all
Your maidenly vigor,
And to go along with it,
A neat, tiny figure;

Then restore the old color
That once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches
Took residence there.

I'd bring back the shape
With which you were gifted,
So things now suspended
Need not be uplifted.

I'd draw in your tummy
And smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream
In those tight fitting slacks!

I'd remove all your wrinkles
And leave only one chin,
So you wouldn't spend hours
Rubbing grease on your skin.

You'd never have flashes
Or queer dizzy spells,
And you wouldn't hear noises
Like ringing of bells.

No sore aching feet,
And no corns on your toes
No searching for spectacles
When they're right on your nose.

Not a shot would you take
In your arm, hip or fanny
From a doctor who thinks
You're a nervous old granny.

You'd never have a headache,
So no pills would you take.
And no heating pad needed
Since your muscles won't ache.

Yes, if I were Santa,
You'd never look stupid.
You'd be a cute little chick
With the romance of cupid.

I'd give a lift to your heart
When those wolves start to whistle,
And the joys of your heart
Would be light as a thistle.

But alas! I'm not Santa.
I'm simply just me,
The matronliest of matrons
You ever did see.

I wish I could tell you
All the symptoms I've got,
But I'm due at my doctor's
For an estrogen shot.

Even though we've grown older
This wish is sincere:
Merry Christmas to you!
And a Happy New Year!

[Apropos]

If I were a rockin' Santa,
You know what I'd do?
I'd dump the silly gifts
That are given to you.

I'd deliver some things
Just inside your front door --
Things you have lost,
But treasured before.

\

I was really excited at this point...I was hoping I was getting all the socks I lost in the dryer!!!!

[In Hiding]

Cute :)

[Eric McTavish]

I was really excited at this point...I was hoping I was getting all the socks I lost in the dryer!!!!

I was hopeing for my old GI Joes... :(

[Dmitri]

I was really excited at this point...I was hoping I was getting all the socks I lost in the dryer!!!!

I was hopeing for my old GI Joes... :(

you played with DOlls... your a girl....

[Apropos]

you played with DOlls... your a girl....

My favorite toys were the Johnny West "action figure". I had all the guns, horses and saddle bags and the Indian friend.

[Fiona Freckl'dbottom]

I'Cin, I loved that! Thank you! That was so cute!

[Lady Sarah]

I was really excited at this point...I was hoping I was getting all the socks I lost in the dryer!!!!

I was hopeing for my old GI Joes... :(

you played with DOlls... your a girl....

G.I. Joe is *not* a DOLL.
G.I. Joe is an ACTION FIGURE.

Ken's a pussy and Barbie's a bitch. GI Joe can come camp at MY house!

[Apropos]

you played with DOlls... your a girl....

So if you play with girls does that make you a doll....hon????

[I'Cin]

you played with DOlls... your a girl....

My favorite toys were the Johnny West "action figure". I had all the guns, horses and saddle bags and the Indian friend.

ooh ooh Johnny West and Jane West and the horses and the rifle that fit on the saddle and all the crap that actually went in the saddlebags?

Over Thanksgiving, my brother had found an old super 8 projector and one of the movies we saw before it quit was me opening the two horses on my (I think) 7th b-day.

I had barbie and Ken and my friend bobby had GI Joe and when we played Joe always beat Ken up and dragged Barbie off, even though we weren't sure why, it just seemed right. And I had tons of Barbie clothes b/c Bobby's mom would see the naked barbies and go in and whip up clothes and come out and dress them. As soon as she went in we stripped 'em down again and a short time later here she'd be with new clothes. . . . . .

I'Cin