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Thread: My family, well my dad's side.

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    Verbose Veteran WenchLadyKate has a spectacular aura about WenchLadyKate has a spectacular aura about WenchLadyKate has a spectacular aura about WenchLadyKate's Avatar
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    Default My family, well my dad's side.

    Long story short. I never had a relationship with my father other than a few emails or snail mail letters a year and a christmas gift. Sometimes a birthday card. A few years ago, it all stopped. His email stopped working, and I didn't get a Christmas card. I tried, albeit not incredibly hard, to find out any information. I found nothing. A few days ago, my mom found my half-sister on facebook. So I sent off a quick note.

    Turns out my father is fine, and my sister would like to stay in contact. Thing is, I'd come to terms with my father passing away, but he didn't, he just stopped talking to me. I dont really know what I'm feeling, all I know is that I'm feeling, if that makes any sense. She sent me a note with dad's email address and a friend request on facebook. I accepted the friend request but don't know about e-mailing my father.

    I don't really know what to do. I am definately my father's daughter when it comes to communication and relationships. Although I hold my friendships dear, I'm not the best when it comes to communicating that or about staying in touch. I just dont know what to do, and I can't figure out how I feel. Ugh. Things are usually black and white for me, I'm not used to this gray area.
    Move along, nothing to see here...










  2. #2
    Verbose Veteran MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow's Avatar
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    Default Re: My family, well my dad's side.

    When you were coming to terms with his *passing*, did you find yourself wishing you could see him or speak to him again? Maybe your answer is in there somewhere.
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  3. #3
    Member of Local 9 Verbose Veteran Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit's Avatar
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    Default Re: My family, well my dad's side.

    ^^ What she said. Were you regretful, wistful, or perhaps at peace? Would you be reconnecting now (if you do) out of guilt that you *should* contact him?

    I dunno if this will help or not but here goes: My mom has a bunch of half-siblings with whom she has just recently (the past 8 years or so) been reconnecting. She's glad that her youngest brother Bob waited until after their dad passed to get in touch. She can focus on Bob and the other sibs, without being burdened by *shoulds* pertaining to the man she hardly knew in life. Mom is in her Seventies now, Bob in his Fifties. Were her father still alive, she would feel she needed to try to establish a connection with him, simply because he contributed half her chromosomes. Not because she really wanted to. That, IMO, is not a good reason.

    I believe your answer is lying in your heart somewhere sweetie... the only advice I can give you is to wait til you hear what your heart is trying to tell you. What's right for YOU may or may not be right for Joe Schmoe down the block. But I'd wait - no need to jump the gun out of guilt or *shoulds*.

    One good thing about this is - if you decide not to contact him now, then regret it later on down the road, you can try again. Especially since you've accepted the friend request from your half-sis, I believe she'd be able to tell you if his health were to take a turn. Which would make your decision a bit more urgent, but still yours alone to make.

    I love you sweetie. I'm sure you'll do what's ultimately right for you. I wish you peace while you listen to your heart.
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    Verbose Veteran WenchLadyKate has a spectacular aura about WenchLadyKate has a spectacular aura about WenchLadyKate has a spectacular aura about WenchLadyKate's Avatar
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    Default Re: My family, well my dad's side.

    Quote Originally Posted by MaidenFaeSnow View Post
    When you were coming to terms with his *passing*, did you find yourself wishing you could see him or speak to him again? Maybe your answer is in there somewhere.
    Not really. My mom said something close to this. Basically, about 2 and a half years ago, I stopped getting the traditional Christmas card and the occasional e-mail here and there. We were emailing about 3 to 4 times a year just to touch base. We were never close, and that's proabably the most contact I'd had with him. Then it stopped. Just stopped. Stopped after I mentioned having dinner or coffee since he wasn't far from the guy I was dating. I waited for a response which never came. Then Christmas came and went, then my birthday, then a whole year. Now, I find out he just didn't respond or even remember to pay me any mind for the last 2 and a half years. Guess I'm just stung is all. I didn't think it would matter this much but I'm so hurt I can't stop the tears. I don't normally let this stuff get to me like this, but, I can't seem to turn it off this time.

    The last couple years, since I did think he was gone, I found myself regretting not trying harder, regretting giving up on him. But, I'm so much like him, and I let all that go. Didn't persue it because it'd be too much work, or I thought I just didn't have the time. But he didn't either. And now, after 2 and a half years of not hearing from him, and finding out that he's fine, I'm angry and hurt.
    Move along, nothing to see here...










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    Default Re: My family, well my dad's side.

    Thanks Phee... That helps. A lot.

    Ya'll know I'm not really a crybaby, but I don't know. This is just getting to me, and I feel like I'm being a wuss. lol
    Move along, nothing to see here...










  6. #6
    Verbose Veteran MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow is a name known to all MaidenFaeSnow's Avatar
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    Default Re: My family, well my dad's side.

    You had some regret when you thought he had passed away. He's still here, so here is your chance to try one more time; for answers, for visits, for the sake of knowing you did try one more time. I can totally understand why you hurt so much, (something I'm willing to talk in private about) and your confusion about it all. If I were in your shoes, I would likely try once more.
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  7. #7
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    Default Re: My family, well my dad's side.

    Quote Originally Posted by MaidenFaeSnow View Post
    You had some regret when you thought he had passed away. He's still here, so here is your chance to try one more time; for answers, for visits, for the sake of knowing you did try one more time. I can totally understand why you hurt so much, (something I'm willing to talk in private about) and your confusion about it all. If I were in your shoes, I would likely try once more.
    Thanks... I sent off an email to him. At any rate, my sister seems pretty cool. She's a grandma 3 times over now, so I'm a great aunt! I think that's pretty neat. I had a good cry about it after talking to my mom last night and I feel a little better about it. It still hurts, but hey, there are worse things.
    Move along, nothing to see here...










  8. #8
    Member of Local 9 Verbose Veteran Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit is a splendid one to behold Phoenix McHeit's Avatar
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    Default Re: My family, well my dad's side.

    I'm glad you're at peace with your decision hun. And remember - his failure to keep in contact with you is HIS problem, not a reflection on your wonderful self.

    AKA The Grammar Goddess - c/o Ravin Raven
    Wench #2889 MCL... S.S.P.F. #3,Mistress of Oral Fixations... IFRP# 1194, Carpenter's Apprentice (Measurer of Wood) on The Wenches Pride,
    Lusty 'Legs' MacBoom.Mommy of the Clan"in vesta genua"
    Aww, did I just step on your poor, itty-bitty ego?(c/o Absinthe)
    PARENT is a VERB!!! Correlation: The children you have are the ones you raised Ergo: The children you have are the ones you deserve.
    I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. ~Robert A. Heinlein
    "The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." ~Flannery O'Connor
    What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?~ Jeph Jacques




  9. #9
    Wily Wench Saucy Sue is an unknown quantity at this point Saucy Sue's Avatar
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    Default Re: My family, well my dad's side.

    I don't know if it would help you or not but what I did was write my dad a letter. I never sent it but I poured out all the hurt and anger that I felt for how he treated me over the years. It felt so good to get it all out because I had been bottling it up for so many years. It helped me to understand that the problem was all with him...not me. I am sad that I will never have any kind of a relationship with him but he is the one that is missing out on a fabulous daughter and a fantastic grand-daughter.

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