From married to.... who knows.

[LissaRoisin]

My husband Derek and I are separating. It is a trial separation for now. Why? For me, it is because he had the affair (while I was pregnant even), wants to maintain a friendship with her, and is continually lying to me so I cannot trust him. I know Derek has his own reasons, saying he has been unhappy for years, but that does not excuse the affair or lies.
Maybe this separation will help him put his head on straight, maybe it will just be a first step towards divorce. That remains to be seen.
In all honesty, I hope we work out. I want our marriage to work. But with every lie he tells, it seems less and less likely that it will.
I really need support. I am scared about what is going to happen. I'm scared that I am about to become a single mom. I'm scared that my marriage is falling apart. I'm scared that the person I relied on for so long isn't going to be there. I'm scared for my 1 month old son. Will I still be a good mommy to him? I can't seem to stop crying, but I know I need to try to be strong for him and for me. It just feels impossible.

Help.

[AnnaFaerie]

I know that we don't know each other, but I wish I could just give you a hug.

You are a good mom. You will continue to be a good mom.

Try to be gentle with yourself. Take a deep breath and remember you are not alone.

I know the wonderful women here that do know you will be here soon to tell you the right thing.

I'm sending all the good thoughts I have your way.

[Drea Beth]

Just... Hugs.

[Ysobelle]

Holy-- oh, man, I'm so sorry. Would he go to counseling with you?

[Gellis Indigo]

Oh Sweetie,

I'm going to temper myself and not say here what I was saying outloud as I read your post (about him, not about you).
Be strong, like I know you are.

You've had a rough few years, I know. I don't know all of the ins and outs, but I know enough to believe that this separation is the best thing for you right now. You've had happy moments in your marriage, I'm sure. But he has caused you so much pain, so much distrust, and so much anxiety. He has made you question yourself and who you truly are. He doesn't deserve to be with you. And you don't deserve to live that way.

For now, try to focus on your adorable baby boy. Focus on those sweet smiles and tender moments. Focus on the poopy diapers and the spit up. Focus on all of it. Don't let this take these first few precious first months away from you.

And by all means, seek counseling for yourself and go back on your meds as soon as possible (if you haven't already). The more evened out you are, the clearer your head will be as you work through this.

I'm here if you need me. Call me, PM me, Facebook me, whatever.
And remember, this too shall pass.

[LissaRoisin]

Yso - we were in counseling last year before the affair, for a few months after the affair (stopped when our son was due) and we have an appt for next week.

Thanks Gellis. Surpriingly though I am stable right now with no sign of my bi-polar. I am maintaining counseling and at the first sign, I am getting back on the meds to keep it from getting bad again. I would like to meet up again soon. I will be at OHRF Sunday with my son

[Lady Hefron]

Oh Honey, I wish I could just Hug you until it all goes away. But that doesn't work. Even if counseling doesn't work to save your marriage, go for yourself.

My prayers are with you.

[Dani Petersen]

i went through a D recently and i do know what you are feeling. Hugs to you, though i don't know you personally. My heart goes out to you, it's hard but you will get through it. Nothing ever comes to stay....it always passes.

[MillieWylde]

I will light a candle for you. *sigh* I wish I could do more to be helpful.

Take care of yourself, and that precious Little One. Although I've never met you, I wish you the best, whatever that may be!

[LissaRoisin]

Thanks everyone for the support.
We are still separated. However, in this last month, I have found my wenchness again. I feel strong again. I know that if we divorce, I will survive. I don't NEED him in my life. Yes, I still love him (though I'm not sure why sometimes) but I don't need him to be happy. I know I deserve better than the way he has treated me. My son needs me. He needs a good role model.

I've decided that in Nov I'm going to start belly dancing again. It is something I enjoyed so much and it made me feel so good about myself.