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Thread: I know what to do.....doing it is the problem

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    Forum Newbie Dani Petersen is an unknown quantity at this point Dani Petersen's Avatar
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    Default I know what to do.....doing it is the problem

    So it has been forever and a day since i last posted here cause life got very very real and very painful. Short list; Bf deployed and returned with some BS from the army. He was dealing with the fallout from that and i was being chill and supportive of whatever he needed. Well....then the secrets started....and the lying....and the blowups. He didn't want me to meet any of his friends, would disappear, not return calls or texts. I found a fathers day card from a woman with two kids saying 'thanks for being a father figure' and he told me it was a woman he hadnt met and wouldn't because she was ditzy and 'easily attached' and he didn't need that. ....right.... Then he leaves to back to the sandbox as a contractor and makes me a co-Power of attorney. He gets back, and disappears from the face of the planet. No calls, no texts, no visits and no explanation. He shows up periodically at his mom's and on his birthday (to which i wasn't invited) he is very interested that ONLY his mother and sister be attending...and he shows up with another woman (the same one the card was from) and her daughter. Gets very defensive when i ask him who and what...saying she was just a ride. Then she also gets invited by him to thanksgiving and they leave his mom's early to go to her mothers. Christmas he refused to go to his mother's christmas dinner and instead chose to go to the ride's family's instead. But she's just a ride. Oh, btw, he re-gifted a robe to his mom as a christmas gift that the 'ride' had gotten for christmas that very morning. Stll insisting that she is just a ride, nothing more and expecting all of us to believe any of it.
    Now while all this is going on...my father has to have emergency open heart surgery at the mayo clinic in rochester MN. The man who NEVER gets sick almost died, just like that. I had support from my friends but not from the supposed BF...ever. Oh yeah, had a nervous breakdown and spent 3 days in the hospital and he also didn't show for that...not that he even answered the phone to find out it was going on. But then he gets offended when i let somebody buy me a meal. Keep in mind this is after 4 months of the above listed crap...and i didn't kiss the man, touch him and wasn't even that interested in the first place. But in going on this date i 'let him down.' Uh huh...and what about everything else, if you please? I know i need to just let it, and him, go. For the most part i have, but i still love the man. I cant be with him, i wouldn't be able to trust him and he's not willing to do what it would take to regain my trust, but i just seize up at the thought of being completely without. Help? I can offer clarification if needed, it would have just taken too much space otherwise.
    Dani Petersen
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    Verbose Veteran Margaret is just really nice Margaret is just really nice Margaret is just really nice Margaret is just really nice Margaret is just really nice Margaret's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know what to do.....doing it is the problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Dani Petersen View Post
    I know i need to just let it, and him, go. For the most part i have, but i still love the man. I cant be with him, i wouldn't be able to trust him and he's not willing to do what it would take to regain my trust, but i just seize up at the thought of being completely without.
    Oh my God. Just go back and read what you wrote. Really read it. If after that you are still in the "But I love him!!!!" phase, no one can help you. No advise will work for you.

    Your options are: 1. Mentally stay with him and be miserable because you cannot trust him. I say mentally, because it sounds as if he has already left you and just has not verbally said so.

    2. Leave him and find someone else. Someone who will treat you like a human being.
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    Madame Chatterbox rosefaeries will become famous soon enough rosefaeries will become famous soon enough rosefaeries's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know what to do.....doing it is the problem

    Give the power of attorney back (if you still have it). You don't want to be blamed for something you didn't do or be tempted... Let him go and give yourself a fresh start. You are already doing everything by yourself so what difference would it be?
    DO what is right for you not him. He can run around all over but you can't?? Not bloody likely. Been there. Done that. Own the t-shirt. Never wear the silly thing.

    You know what needs to be done. You just need to do it. Keep yourself busy so you can't think about him. It is a new year and a good time for a fresh start.
    When Irish eyes are smiling, be afraid.......Be very, very afraid. I will act as old as I feel, look as old as I am, and smile at the obvious disconnect.
    "No, no! "Rare" implies dangerously cooked. When I say rare I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me. " Wolf The 10th Kingdom

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    Forum Newbie Dani Petersen is an unknown quantity at this point Dani Petersen's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know what to do.....doing it is the problem

    let me clarify. by love him, i mean that i care about what happens to him. i do not hate him, i want him happy and successful. and yes, i'm doing everything alone anyway, so there is no difference. and i've always done what is best for me, expecting him to do the same. i've tried to give back the POA, the book of signed checks, all the receipts...and he won't come get them, won't acknowledge when i mention them. i dont touch his accounts and i'm not tempted, either by spite or by monetary motivation. ultimately, it's his problem and his loss. i think the best meaphor is flying...up high and feeling the wind in my hair and seeing the beauty (cause that's how it was before all the crap started) and then being dropped from 50,000 feet. i'm tired, i'm feeling broken and bruised.
    Dani Petersen
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    A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears. - Anne Roiphe

    If you can still breathe, its not laced tight enough

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    Generous Benefactor Verbose Veteran Lady Sarah is a name known to all Lady Sarah is a name known to all Lady Sarah is a name known to all Lady Sarah is a name known to all Lady Sarah is a name known to all Lady Sarah is a name known to all Lady Sarah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know what to do.....doing it is the problem

    Package up the POA, everything of his, and send them to a mutual friend or a relative of his. All else fails, contact JAG or another attorney about cancelling the POA, and ask the attorney for advice on how to get everything to him as he won't come claim it himself. It'll feel shitty to cut him off, but he's cut himself off from you - and you need to get out of that relationship. You said it yourself, you feel broken, bruised and battered inside. As a human being, you deserve better than that. Love him all you want. Care for him all you want. But you also have to love and care for yourself. Staying in this "relationship" isn't healthy.
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    Wily Wench Saucy Sue is an unknown quantity at this point Saucy Sue's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know what to do.....doing it is the problem

    Package it all up like others have said and send it certified to his mother's. That way someone has to sign for it and you will have the proof that you swent it and that someone received it.

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    Madame Chatterbox rosefaeries will become famous soon enough rosefaeries will become famous soon enough rosefaeries's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know what to do.....doing it is the problem

    Smacks the troll with a broom. Go away. Crawl back under the crumbling bridge you came from.
    When Irish eyes are smiling, be afraid.......Be very, very afraid. I will act as old as I feel, look as old as I am, and smile at the obvious disconnect.
    "No, no! "Rare" implies dangerously cooked. When I say rare I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me. " Wolf The 10th Kingdom

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